Britney Spears’ Ass Is Dead to Me

By Bill March 11, 2013 @ 11:38 AM

I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but Britney Spears’ ass went on vacation and it isn’t coming back. My dad did that once, though to be fair, he showed up thirteen years later. I doubt Britney’s ass is every going to show its smiling mug again, let alone send a postcard from a foreign country with twenty pesos and an apology letter that starts with ‘you can’t understand what a bitch your mom was…’.

Britney is now a full-time mom. With a mom’s sweat pants covered dumper. Flat as the earth pre-Columbus. I only wish we could’ve had a ceremony. Spilled some juice for a crack that ain’t ever coming back.

Photo Credit: PCN / WENN

Britney Spears’ Ass Is Not As Exciting As It Used to Be

By Lex March 04, 2013 @ 4:51 PM

Is Britney Spears bent over in her shorts still going to get your attention? Yes, it will. Because you’re a dude and you’d watch a geriatric bent over in her nursing gown to retrieve her spilled meds if you knew nobody was watching you watching.

Fuck, Britney never was super good looking, but she had that naughty young Hollywood chick banging and blowing dudes left and right vibe going on a decade ago. She still might be doing that, but after several rounds of pure crazy, it’s just not that fun anymore. But I guess the point is we’d still tap that ass. As if that’s some credible standard.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Britney or Russell: Who Wore It Better?

By brendon January 25, 2013 @ 2:29 PM


Britney Spears went on twitter to point out that Russell Crowe was basically wearing the same thing in the opening scene of ‘Les Miserables’ as she was in her video for ‘Toxic’, except that he buttoned his coat.

LOL. Cute hat @RussellCrowe. You wear it well. Maybe we should perform a Toxic/Work Song mashup ;)

Assuming this was a snide way of calling him a homosexual, Crowe found her and hit her in the head several times with his shoe. Russell Crowe takes twitter very very seriously.

Britney has no bra, engagment ring

By brendon January 21, 2013 @ 5:58 PM


Britney Spears was out in LA today holding a sweater or something over her chest to hide the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra.The only idea more clever than that would be to actually wear a bra. But she’s single now so I guess she has to sex it up. And it’s working. I haven’t given Britney much thought lately, but now I’m rubbing my chin and thinking, “Tits, eh… how interesting.”

(image source = wenn, fame/flynet)

Britneys dad and her ex arranged her break-up

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 2:18 PM


There had been rumors for a while that Jason Trawick was ready to break up with Britney Spears, but since he’s also the co-conservator of her estate, it wasn’t as if he could simply fake his own murder like I do.

Instead, Trawick had to meet with Britney’s dad in secret to settle on the terms of his daughters breakup, as if he’d just lost a war or something.

Radar has exclusively learned that (Britney), 31, had very little to do with the decision process regarding her split…
“Jason wanted out, and in the fragile state that Britney is in, it’s not like he could have a rational conversation with her about it, so it was really between him and Jamie. They decided how the relationship needed to end and how to go about the technicalities, such as removing Jason from the conservatorship, when he would move out and how to announce the split. Britney was left out of everything and really didn’t even know what was going on.”

I bet Britney would really enjoy a story about herself where the phrase “she didn’t even know what was going on” doesn’t come up at least once.

(image source of britney in malibu yesterday – fame/flynet)

Britney quit the X Factor (before they could fire her)

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 2:12 PM

Britney Spears will take the $15 million she made this year as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ and walk, choosing not to return for a second season (though she was likely to be fired anyway). Sources says she wants to focus on making her next album (her 8th), but Britney said, “I was on the X Factor? Oh ma God I was wonderin what that was. Did I win? Did I get any stuff?”