Britney Spears Loses Her Shit And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 03, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Britney Spears lost a bit of her hair extension on stage like two hood rats yanking out weaves over their baby daddy. Broke ass Indian women gave their hair for you, Brit. Get right with your weave.

Watch Britney’s shame. (Huffington Post)

I love a woman who knows how to tug on her panties. (The Chive)

Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie is faptacular. (Egotastic)

Is it just me or do you kinda want to fight/fuck Ronda Rousey? (TMZ)

Want to see Shailene Woodley covered topless? Me neither, but here it is anyway. (Drunken Stepfather)

Charlie Riina bikinis like a fucking champ. (Hollywood Tuna)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in lingerie makes me want to tallyho her crumpets. (Popoholic)

Britney Spears Seems Rather Fit

By Lex February 19, 2015 @ 9:09 AM

Britney Spears Continues To Model Her Swimwear And Lingerie
Britney Spears looks good. I don’t know how much is Photoshop and how much is real Cajun seasoning. If you’re asking these kinds of questions when stroking one out you’re probably gay. Also, lonely. If you’re thinking about buying her clothes you’re probably both. Though maybe these promo photos are meant for women shoppers. I get confused when long since dormant feelings arise. Or any human feelings at all. Sell, Britney, sell. When you find out dad blew the Oops I Did It Again fortune on a sure thing e-cigarette business in Florida, you’re going to want underwear sales to cushion the landing. Apparently you can sing for meals now at McDonald’s. You’re all good.

Photo Credit: Britney Spears Facebook

Britney Spears Entire Lingerie Line

By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 12:25 PM

Britney Spears Models Her Lingerie Line
It’s unclear why Britney is sucking in her gut in soft lighting to push undergarments. She’s got to be making shit ton money on her music royalties and I believe her Vegas contract rivals Tom Brady money, not even including the two Laotian virgins she’s allowed to bow hunt for sport each evening. Dad always needs a little extra cash. Conservatorships and unemployment don’t provide like they used to. There’s some age when you need to stop putting your kids in front of cameras in their underwear to rake cash. Check the sales charts. Let them be your guide.

Photo Credit: Intimate Britney Spears

Britney Spears Seems Rather Fit

By Lex January 09, 2015 @ 10:39 AM

Britney Spears Bare Midriff And Booty In LA
I’ve been accused of being too negative. Mostly by idiots who deserve to drown under unnecessarily complicated pool rafts. But who can’t be excited by the fact that Britney is back in playing shape. It took ten years and an amount of prescription medication that can only be described as Sunny Von Bulow-esque, but here she is. Ready to serve the Britney Spears conservatorship and the Asian tourists of Las Vegas who need something to do in between buying leather goods and tracking down their husbands at Pai Gow. That’s probably a tinge racist. It’s Friday. The point is, Britney looks like the Britney you once dreamed of scrumping. Have one last go at it. Crazy doesn’t sleep forever.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Britney Spears Has Love Contract

By Matt November 13, 2014 @ 8:32 AM


Britney Spears made the trust fundy bearded dude she is dating sign a Non Disclosure Agreement before they even met. Charlie Ebersol apparently didn’t mind signing the document, which would make it illegal for him to talk to his friends about Spears’ meds or even her opinion of the McRib. It appears the one thing he is permitted to discuss is the Non Disclosure Agreement, and he’s also able to ask Spears basic questions he clears through her reps while they are having romantic dinners or awkward obligatory sex.

Your average chick has a few red flags. An ex boyfriend who still mows her lawn or a penchant for excessively squeezing oblong vegetables in the produce section. When she is riddled with peculiar habits and dark secrets to the point that the details of her life require a contract you may want to block her on Tinder. The Non Disclosure Agreement is really the Red Flag of Red Flags. Think about all the horrible crap you already know about Britney Spears. Now imagine there’s something way worse that she’s still hiding. Run, you bearded bon vivant, while you still have your good limbs.

Photo Credit: Instagram

How Did You Celebrate Britney Spears Day?

By Lex November 06, 2014 @ 10:01 AM

Britney Spears Receives Her Own Day In Las Vegas
Actually, it was yesterday. You missed it. But when next November 5th rolls around you get your ass to Vegas to celebrate Britney Spears Day in the typical custom of shaving your head with a box cutter and lip-synching Britney’s greatest hits while your children cower behind the toilet apparatus.

Britney Spears was presented the key to the Las Vegas Strip by a bunch of government officials in the area with fake jobs sponsored by the seven original crime families. If you ran a blue light over that key it would glow every single inch in white. Somebody needs to dip that fucker in some 6m HCl for about ten minutes to render the blood and sperm safe for children. Britney beamed and read out some rehearsed lines about Vegas feeling like a second home and how the Gambino Pimento Import company was helping her buy sparkle makeup for the local children’s cancer charity.

Britney encouraged all Britney trannies to come to Vegas to celebrate her special day and confuse her new boyfriend with feelings he never knew existed inside of him:

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet