Britney Spears Rare Bikini Show

By Lex March 26, 2013 @ 12:15 PM

There comes a time in every suburban mom’s life when she says, ‘What the fuck, I’m wearing that bikini to the beach today’. I’m mostly guessing, I have no clue how suburban moms think outside of becoming moist over the thought of snapping up 100-ct packs of frozen Bagel Burrito Dogs at Costco or ensuring school counselors that their disaffected teens are not attending impromptu rainbow parties in the dusty garage where the auto shop used to be. But I’m guessing for Britney Spears it’s a big moment to whip off the clothes at Malibu down to nothing but a bikini. You know everybody on the beach is looking. Not to mention a dozen dudes with long range lenses along the bluff. And, when you consider the fact that not long ago Britney was locked in her mansion with guns, her kids, and a whole f-load of voices in her head, yeah, she’s holding up.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Britney Spears’ Boyfriend Stuck in Her Rear

By Lex March 15, 2013 @ 2:51 PM


This shit is getting pretty stupid now. Britney Spears boyfriend has a name, David Lucardo, but he’s still not allowed to walk next to her. Not sure who came up with this half-baked strategy, but it’s obviously intentional. Perhaps they thought to shake the keen eye of the paparazzi to the couple status by having the poor sap walk ten paces behind Britney at all times. Why not a wig and mustache? Plastic surgery to make him look like a golden retriever?

Whatever gets up in Britney’s head and gives her ideas, it’s not her bra. She’s still not wearing one.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Britney Spears Might Have a New Guy, Or Not

By Steve G. March 12, 2013 @ 2:57 PM

Back in January, Britney Spears broke off her engagement to Jason Trawick, the only guy who ever kept her within the zone of relative sanity. Now that that’s over, she might be dating this new guy in these photos. And everyone in the romance media is basing that off nothing more than a single appearance together outside of a tanning salon. Taking into account all the facts I’m inclined to believe that Spears has finally found the one to go the long haul with. There’s just something about the way she allows him to walk at least ten paces behind her at all times, doesn’t even glance in his direction, and generally doesn’t even look like she wants to be seen with him that says ‘mad love’. They’re either dating or he’s the ballsiest stalker she’s ever had. Either way, she’s complete again.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Britney Spears’ Ass Is Dead to Me

By Bill March 11, 2013 @ 11:38 AM

I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but Britney Spears’ ass went on vacation and it isn’t coming back. My dad did that once, though to be fair, he showed up thirteen years later. I doubt Britney’s ass is every going to show its smiling mug again, let alone send a postcard from a foreign country with twenty pesos and an apology letter that starts with ‘you can’t understand what a bitch your mom was…’.

Britney is now a full-time mom. With a mom’s sweat pants covered dumper. Flat as the earth pre-Columbus. I only wish we could’ve had a ceremony. Spilled some juice for a crack that ain’t ever coming back.

Photo Credit: PCN / WENN

Britney Spears’ Ass Is Not As Exciting As It Used to Be

By Lex March 04, 2013 @ 4:51 PM

Is Britney Spears bent over in her shorts still going to get your attention? Yes, it will. Because you’re a dude and you’d watch a geriatric bent over in her nursing gown to retrieve her spilled meds if you knew nobody was watching you watching.

Fuck, Britney never was super good looking, but she had that naughty young Hollywood chick banging and blowing dudes left and right vibe going on a decade ago. She still might be doing that, but after several rounds of pure crazy, it’s just not that fun anymore. But I guess the point is we’d still tap that ass. As if that’s some credible standard.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Britney or Russell: Who Wore It Better?

By brendon January 25, 2013 @ 2:29 PM

britney_vs_russell

Britney Spears went on twitter to point out that Russell Crowe was basically wearing the same thing in the opening scene of ‘Les Miserables’ as she was in her video for ‘Toxic’, except that he buttoned his coat.

LOL. Cute hat @RussellCrowe. You wear it well. Maybe we should perform a Toxic/Work Song mashup ;)

Assuming this was a snide way of calling him a homosexual, Crowe found her and hit her in the head several times with his shoe. Russell Crowe takes twitter very very seriously.