The life story of Britney Spears is now being told in comic book form by someone who has apparently never seen Britney Spears, but has heard several things about her. From her humble origins of greased pig wraslin back home in Kentwood, Louisiana, to her days as a superstar that apparently wears boots but no pants, it’s all here!

As far as I know, the British tabloids have never been wrong about anything, certainly not when it comes to celebrity gossip, so when the Sun says Britney Spears has convinced her fiance that they should start a family, you can take it to the bank. She’s probably in labor as we speak.

The couple have been having several talks about their future recently and decided they would be keen to start a family once Britney’s gigs are wrapped up at the end of the year.
A source said: “She’s always wanted a big family but also wants to prove to herself and to her family she is a good mother. She wants another chance to put things right.
“Now she’s finally had the green light from Jason, she can’t wait.”

I bet the only ones against this would be her current two kids. Because the new kid is gonna have a dad who is smart, handsome, and accomplished, while their dad is fat titted jackass. If there was a way to gamble on “guy who will have a girl cut off his dick next”, I would put a million dollars on KFed.

Fernando Flores was one of Britney Spears’ bodyguards for 4 months in 2010, and he’s spent the last year and half trying to sue her for it to the tune of 10 million dollars. Every few months he files some new claim or talks to a tabloid, and each time there will be some salacious new detail that magically wasn’t included the time before.

In June of 2010 he claimed he quit because she was always walking around naked and sexually harassing him. A few weeks later he aded that she also hit her kids with his belt (after which she was investigated by Child Welfare and cleared almost instantly). Two months later he filed a lawsuit saying she hit her kids with his belt (and yes they were the exact same charges she had already been cleared of). Then last March he added that she also sent him naked pictures of herself.

None of this has made her pay him off yet, so today he’s adding that she took meth, farted a lot and picked her nose.

Seriously.

Britney Spears’ ex-minder has painted a disturbing portrait of the pop superstar in sensational new court papers — alleging she used various drugs including methamphetamines and a drug used to treat heroin or morphine overdoses. 
In recent filings of Flores’ lawsuit, a copy of which Radar has exclusively obtained, the former bodyguard ratcheted up his charges against the Toxic singer, claiming she broke wind and picked her nose “unapologetically,” did not shower for days on end, nor brushed her teeth or ever wore deodorant.
“Spears was generally personally unkempt,” Flores, 29, alleged.

At this rate I can’t wait to see his next update, when he files a new lawsuit claiming she chewed with her mouth open and left the lights on after she left a room. That should be good for a least another 2 million. THAT POOR MAN!

Britney Spears kicked off her Femme Fatale tour last night in Sacramento, doing a 22 song set including all of her hits but also a cover of Madonnas first single, ‘Burning Up’ from 1983, and ‘Gimmie More’, which she hasn’t performed live since everyone rightfully made fun of her after doing it on the 2007 MTV Music Awards.

I guess she looked ok. She’s only 29 but she’s a mom with 2 kids. Still I feel she could look better. Her boyfriend should hook up one of those pointy logs on a rope that swing down and hit you like the ewoks and Schwarzenegger did and hide it in the kitchen.

(image source = splash and inf)

That headline isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds, by the way.

If you don’t remember, Sam Lufti is the piece of shit who was always around Britney Spears in 2007. It was her lowest point, after she shaved her head, and he came out of nowhere and took over her life. No one could get to her without going through him. He reportedly cut her phone lines, threw away her cell phones, disabled her cars and ground up pills to hide in her food. It was only after he lost a suit to take control of her finances that Britney was placed under psychiatric care, and shortly after that he was investigated by the LAPD for drugging Britney, possibly for months, before anyone was able to intervene.

Well now he’s suing Britneys mom for defamation, and he wants Britney to testify. You can probabaly guess how excited her parents are about that.

Billboard.com says…

Britney’s parents, though, are resisting, saying that Britney is mentally incapable of testifying. In a motion filed on Monday at Los Angeles Superior Court, Lutfi asked a judge to order a psychiatric evaluation of the singer to prove that’s not true.
Despite Spears’ comeback, she’s still under the conservatorship of her father and family lawyer. Both are hesitant to let the singer get too close with Lutfi, who was fired in 2008.

So this guy kept Britney secluded in a drugged up haze for months while robbing her, and now he wants her help to sue. And since the only money Britneys mom has is what Britney gives her, he’s essentially asking for her help to take more of her money. What a piece of shit. Someone should do something. Does anyone know how quicklime works? Will that really dissolve a body? Hypothetically speaking.
 
(image source = getty and splash news)