The Hollywood Reporter is reporting today that Britney Spears is close to signing a book deal with plans to write a novel, likely a fictionalized version of her own life, and they report it in the most sarcastic way possible.
Indeed, Spears is the latest in a growing cadre of headline-grabbers who dabble in books. They include the Kardashians and Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.
No word yet on when a Spears book may be released, but with the singer appearing on a network TV show (and being paid handsomely for it — in the vicinity of $15 million) and having sold nearly 100 million albums worldwide in her career, the advance is likely to be substantial.
It’s also likely that the people running this company had a meeting one day where they said, “hey let’s run this fucking place right into the ground. By giving book deals to Snooki and Khloe Kardashian. My other idea was to put some glasses and a tie on a turtle and let him run the place.”
Though the X Factor didn’t turn out to be the ratings extravaganza many anticipated, it’s still great for the judges who get tons of exposure and lots of money (Britney will make $15,000,000 this season) for doing almost nothing. It’s pretty much what Miley Cyrus does now except someone would pay her for it.
That’s why it seems very hard to believe she was offered a job as a judge and turned it down. She told the Sun…
“I just don’t know if I want to be some dream crusher.”
“Would you really want to sit there as someone is belting their heart out – even if it is like hearing nails on a chalkboard – and then say to them, ‘You suck’? It seems harsh.”
Wait what? I say worse things than that to my friends, for free, and I actually like them. You’re god dammed right I’d tell some doofus who can’t sing that he sucks. For $15,000,000 you can put the guy in a cell next to me and I’ll whisper horrible things until he swallows his tongue for all I care.
In this clip from ‘the X Factor’, Britney Spears brings a cake and sings happy birthday to LA Reid, and it’s a rare chance to hear Britney sing with no production or autotune. But she still does that choppy thing with her voice, the way that people do when they’re making fun of Britney. It’s like all of her songs are recorded while she sits on a sybian.
‘The X Factor’ was not the huge hit everyone assumed it would be last year in Season 1, so Fox and Simon Cowell replaced Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger with Britney Spears and Demi Lovato for Season 2, which premiered last night. And the result is ratings that were 32 percent lower than they were for the premiere last year. Even worse for Fox, they were in second place to ‘the Voice’ on NBC. Third place was ‘Big Brother’ on CBS. 9,000,000th place was museums.
Britney Spears was in court yesterday for another review of her conservatorship, and E! says that, though she appeared to be “in good spirits”, she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring. And she wasn’t wearing it 5 days ago in Long Beach either. In fact the last time she was photographed with it was almost 2 weeks ago.
This can only mean one thing; that she lost it about two weeks ago. Probably during some sort of pig chasing accident, or while she set a puppet on fire because it started talking to her during a show and scared her.
Martians are annoying dicks because they’re always coming to Earth and making our car radios staticky then zipping away and hiding like some little girl. But they got a wake-up call 10 days ago when we sent a one ton robot over there and then just drove it around, right out in the open. What’s up Mars? Something you wanna say?
In fact the robot is so cavalier it even has time to flirt with Britney Spears on twitter after she sent a link to her ‘Oops I Did It Again’ video, which was also filmed on Mars. So you fuckers better knock it off, you’re on a very short leash.
(the video is a good excuse to post old hot and sometimes jailbait britney pictures)