It should be noted right from the start that Britney vehemently denies these charges, and the person who filed the compliant is the same bodyguard who quit three weeks ago claiming he was sexually harassed (more on that here).
It also needs to be mentioned that the British tabloids are awesome, the only people more obsessed with tits than I am. Even in a child abuse story they find a way to talk about tits by showing the suspect without a bra (same pics as above and below). The Sun says…
Social workers will quiz her over claims she beat one with a belt and gave both food they were allergic to - making them violently ill.
Investigators were approached by the singer’s former bodyguard FERNANDO FLORES.
A source said: “He claims the first really shocking incident was when she came marching into the pool house at her mansion and demanded his belt.
“He handed it over but then followed her into the main house and claims he witnessed the alleged incident.”
Flores also accused Britney of feeding the boys food they were allergic to, including shellfish.
Child protection agency workers tried to quiz her last week but she had left LA for a few days.
Wait really? A belt and shellfish? Oh Jesus who cares. First of all, shellfish is delicious. I would totally trade some hives for a well made oyster po-boy. Second of all, kids suck. Of course she wants to hit them. Thirdly, how badly could it really hurt? Britney has less muscle than Winnie the Pooh. My dad hit me with a belt all the time, and he was a god damn Marine. Britney would need a hip replacement if she gave even one hard swing. It would be the most work she’s done in 10 years.
A former bodyguard for Britney Spears named Fernando Flores claims he quit and is considering legal action against her because she would walk around naked and proposition him for sex. What a courageous stand! His new friends at Pride Week will be so proud! The Sun says…
A pal revealed yesterday: “She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn’t reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action.”
“Working for Britney is tough. She’s a nightmare to deal with and her emotions are totally out of control.
“She runs round the house naked and yelling at staff.
“All her guards knew they could be removed if they looked at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for Fernando, she took a liking to him, so he was under more pressure than most. He wanted to be a good security guard and look after her but the situation became unbearable.”
The last straw was when Fernanado claims he was yelled at because there were new pictures of Britney without underwear on, and apparently security is not supposed to let her leave the house unless she has underwear on. They’re supposed to stop and check. One path leads to glory, the other, to certain doom!
This idea is really dumb and really expensive. So, needless to say…
BRITNEY SPEARS wants to be FROZEN after her death - so she can be brought back to life later.
“Brit gets these obsessions and this is the latest.
“It started when someone told her Walt Disney had been preserved by cryogenics to be revived in the future. That was a myth but it got her researching the foundation and she became convinced it was worth a shot.
“Brit found the whole thing so interesting she spent most of her Mother’s Day trip to Disneyland researching the subject on the internet while a nanny took the boys round the park.”
They say she’s gonna drop around $350,000 to become a deep frozen mummy. That seems expensive, but for $250,000 they can turn you into a vacuum sealed wolfman, and for 150 you can be dry-ice vampire. It’s all very scientific as you can see.
BRITNEY SPEARS and HALLE BERRY - are just two of the big names who endorse perfumes filled with a toxic combination of chemicals that may cause sperm damage and cancer among other things. I don’t know what the other things are, but since the first two things extinguish your blood line and then murder you, they’re probably pretty irrelevant. (rwg)
LINDSAY LOHAN - won’t be one of the big stars at this years Cannes film festival because no one will sponsor her trip and she’s too broke to pay for it herself. If I were a porn producer with a bunch of coke in France, I’d be fedex’ing out plane tickets immediately. (page six)
GIRLS WRITING - wwtdd on themselves is my new favorite sport. In this case it’s Erica, who wants everyone to vote for her in a Anime Festival’s Maid Cafe Contest. And I know what you’re thinking. Yes. Those 5 words are almost completely unrelated. I know. But I read that email like 10 times, I swear to God that’s what it said. (youtube)
SHAUNA SAND and TAYLOR WANE - hung out on South Beach in bikinis today, but it’s probably best for everyone if we agree to pretend that they didn’t. (inf daily)
ROBERT PATTINSON - seems pretty cool to be honest with you. And yesterday he proved it again by showing up at a fans house to say hi. He posed for pictures with everyone and the girl was real happy. Then he played a ‘Get Up Kids’ record and told her butterflies make him cry and she completely came in her pants. (la times)
THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS - better hope host Aziz Ansari does 90 minutes of standup because the list of nominees is fucking terrible. (mtv)
BRITNEY SPEARS - fired her agent. Who is also her boyfriend. So this way there won’t be any weird conflict. Like, she won’t have to fire him one day, for example. I’m not gonna lie, her plan has a few holes in it. (the sun)
EMMA WATSON - is not the topless girl in this picture. Her agent says it’s an obvious photoshop and he’s right. He also said you were adopted because your birth parents hated you. Sry. :( (the sun)
The first time I ever heard of Ke$ha was when she was running her mouth about Britney Spears lip synching (this). The second time was when Opie and Anthony took an unstable middle aged goblin with nothing resembling talent and had her sing ‘Tik Tok’ to prove that literally anyone on earth can be a pop star thanks to autotune (youtube).
Now, she (Ke$ha, not the goblin) is on a beach in Australia, and she needs to shut her mouth because she can’t sing, her body sucks and she’s fug as hell. Britney has sold over 85 million records and was the reason Megans Law went federal, so how does this nobody take shots at her. And as bad as Brit looks now, at least her ass isn’t square. I don’t mean to worry the good people of Australia, but I think Ke$ha might be a Transformer.
(now with jailbait britney pics starting here to prove my point. a pink tunnel, huh? subtle. ke$ha image source = pacific coast news)
