BRITNEY IS TOO TRASHY

By brendon February 14, 2007 @ 10:56 AM

Britney Spears has been pawned once again because she's such a white trash train-wreck, no one with any dignity wants anything to do with her.   This time she got denied by heiress-model Lydia Hearst, who designed 100 PUMA bags to give away at the Heatherette fashion show.  Britney asked for one of the bags but was turned down, presumably because Hearst doesn't feel she is a good role model.  Hearst said:

"I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. They are women I look up to and respect, like Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker and Anne Hathaway.   They share the same high standards of giving back to the communities in which they live."

Lydia Hearst, in case you don’t know, is a Ford Model (pictured below) and the first cousin of Amanda Hearst, (this hottie, also a Ford model) who is the great-granddaughter of William Randolph Hearst.  Amanda is the heir to a 5 billion dollar fortune.  She’s 23 and single.  And yet in the fashion world, Lydia still has to prance the catwalk in see thru bras.  And that's pretty much why I got out of modeling.  They just saw me as a piece of meat, a sexual creature to objectify.  All the while I'm trying to tell them that I have a personality, that I have a voice and a gentle heart, but all they want to do is put me in something slinky and watch me walk across the room. Damn these chiseled good looks and sexy muscles!



BRITNEY SPEARS IS A GOOD DRESSER

By brendon February 13, 2007 @ 10:16 AM

Despite throwing up in a bar bathroom the night before, Britney headed out Sunday for another night in the clubs, and this time ended up on the dance floor wearing nothing but a bikini and a white busboy coat.  Page Six says:

"She didn't like what she was wearing," said our spy, "so she asked one of the dancers to trade clothes with her." Spears changed out of her tight red dress and returned wearing the bikini under the coat – and proceeded to dance.

Damn.  Is this what the young people are doing in the clubs these days?  Stripping down and changing into one another’s bikinis?  I wouldn't know because I don’t dance anymore, ever since the incident.  I knew my sexy moves on the dance floor got the ladies worked up, but then, one night, a girl literally died watching me do the Chicken Noodle Soup.



BRITNEY SPEARS IS STYLISH

By brendon February 08, 2007 @ 10:23 AM

For her sake, I hope Britney Spears is out shopping.  She should try Macys.  Maybe they have a redder hat there. 

BRITNEY SPEARS IS SINGLE

By brendon February 07, 2007 @ 11:45 AM

Oh, I know, I couldn't believe it either, but Isaac Cohen broke up with Britney Spears on the phone Sunday night while she was in New York and he was in Los Angeles.  Cohens agent confirmed to OK! magazine that the two were no longer an item.  They began dating in mid-December, including a weekend in the $40,000-a-night suite at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas.  A source says:

“(he was) looking to get out of the relationship for a while.  It was a bit much for him.  There was a lot of drama – it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular.  Her likes her. They had a good time together. He was doing his best to help her out – but there is only so much one person can do.”

God how embarrassing.  Three years ago Britney was the hottest piece of ass on the planet and her forehead was every 16-year-old boys secret bulls-eye.  Now she's getting dumped by d-list models and posers.   Luckily she has friends to turn to in this time of need.   Friends that love and understand her.   Chocolate friends.  



AGAIN?

By brendon January 17, 2007 @ 11:36 AM

Britney Spear’s may be pregnant for a third time, according to new reports.  Sources speculate this is why Britney has recently gained weight again and why she's been getting sick recently.  Spears gave birth to Jayden James just four months ago, so a third pregnancy would be right on her usual pace.  She got pregnant for the second time just three months after giving birth to Sean Preston.  In Touch says:

“I’ve seen her during the last two pregnancies and she has the same look now,” a “pal who sees Britney every week” told the mag. “She’s heavier, but that’s not it. It’s the sparkle in her eye. She always gets that sparkle when she’s pregnant, like she’s relaxed and happy.”

Well, lets not get carried away.  Britney gets a sparkle in her eye a lot.  Like that time she saw a cardboard cut-out of Twinkie the Kid.  "I cunna hep notice you lukin atme."  Then she ran her finger seductively over his lasso.  "Yeah, yeah Ima tek you home, tek you to da 'boo-dwah'.  N then I'm guna eat you up.  Guna eat you up goood."

BRITNEY SPEARS IS A SEXY DRESSER

By brendon January 15, 2007 @ 11:51 AM

Britney was probably wearing some dudes coat because it was cold as hell in Vegas this weekend, or maybe because she accidentally sobered up and caught a look at that dress.  She looks like she buys her clothes at the airport.  The designer had to be laughing his ass off when he heard that someone finally bought one of these dresses.  And he only stopped to ask if it was Britney.