BRITNEY FORGOT SOMETHING. YET AGAIN.

By brendon December 13, 2006 @ 3:04 PM

Cigarettes must not have as many vitamins as Britney thinks they do, because she looks like hell in these pictures taken last night on her way out to the LA club Element.  Not even going to a club in a lace shirt with no bra made her look hot.  She just looks trampy.  And used up.  In another 6 months, sticking your penis inside of this girl will be like ringing one of those triangular dinner bells on a ranch.

SOURCE =  X17 Online



KEVIN WANTS TO WRITE A BOOK

By brendon December 13, 2006 @ 10:07 AM

Kevin Federline is still insisting that he wants sole custody of their two children as well as a settlement of at least $20 million or he will publicly prove that Britney Spears is an unfit mother.  Kevin is prepared to write a tell-all book about his soon to be ex-wife that would include tales of wild drinking, drug use, her fantasies about other women and … wait for it … her theories on time-travel.  Shockingly, Federline may reconsider if he gets what he wants in a divorce settlement.  A source says:

“Kevin is either hoping a publisher will pay him big money for the book or that Britney will cough up more cash than what’s in their prenup to keep him from spilling the beans.”

There's no way a publisher is gonna pay "big" money for anything inspired by Kevin Federlines writing.  Half the manuscript would be drawings on napkins of dinosaurs and "dem niggas was all clownin me".

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y’ALL

By brendon December 04, 2006 @ 5:01 AM

Britney celebrated her 25th birthday on Friday by spending the day at the zoo with that fat little lump she calls a baby.  He totally wants to eat that monkey.  This kid looks suspiciously like Cartman at this point.  There’s no way that can be good.



BRIT DOESNT UNDERSTAND PANTIES, CAMERAS

By brendon November 28, 2006 @ 8:52 AM

Holy Christ.  To see any more of Britney Spears, a babies head would have to be crowing.  I feel like I should send her flowers.  Unless you can get an STD from pictures, in wish case I'll send her an angry note.  If you couldn't already tell, these are super NSFW.  And just so you know, the second six pictures are just close-up's of the first six.  And when I say "close up", I mean "CLOSE THE FUCK UP".  Seriously, if you have intimacy issues, don't even open them.

WTF, LINDSAY

By brendon November 27, 2006 @ 12:46 PM

Lindsay, you little attention-starved, drama-queen bitch.  How god damn dumb are you.  Paris Hilton is nothing but a vicious bitch to you and everyone else – but especially you – and 15 seconds ago you said she hit you at a party, then you're seen at 5 AM this morning smiling and laughing like idiots with her and Britney.  God damn I've had it with you.  X17 says:

Hang on to your seats – this one's just getting crazier and crazier! At 5 AM this morning, Paris' publicist Elliot Mintz called one of our photographers to hurry down to the Beverly Hills Hotel … we found Paris, Lindsay, and Britney kicking it old-school! The trio laughed and giggled like old chums before piling into the front seat of Paris' whip and peeling out into the night!

God damn that car must smell terrible.  The entire thing should be sprayed with Raid.  In fact, just throw the car away.  Those seats are gonna have holes burned in them all the way to the ground, with a green slime dripping from the undercarriage that experts may think is that alien blood that can eat through the hull of a spaceship, but trust me, it's not.  


BRITNEY IS INCONSOLABLE

By brendon November 22, 2006 @ 10:31 AM

TMZ says that even though Britney Spears appeared to be having a good time last night at the AMA Awards while host Jimmy Kimmel and others made fun of Kevin Federline, she was seething on the inside.  TMZ says:

We're told Britney was "incredibly upset" and "inconsolable."   The sketch featured AMA host Jimmy Kimmel sealing a Federline look-a-like in a wooden crate and shipping him out to sea. Kimmel called K-Fed, “the world's first ever no-hit wonder" (then he dropped the crate into San Pedro Harbor and said "a whole school of fish just got pregnant").   Less than five minutes later, Kimmel introduced Spears as a surprise presenter.

God knows why she's upset, because this jackass is telling anyone who will listen that Britney was kinda trampy.  Metro UK says:

Kevin Federline is set to claim that the pop star is a bisexual and that she has begged him for threesomes, according to reports.   Federline will also reportedly claim that the pop princess regularly fantasizes about women and was desperate to share one with him.

It's probably safe to assume that Kevin was stoned at the time and is fuckin this story all up.  Britney was still fat then.  The "woman" was probably Mrs. Fields.