BRITNEY IN REHAB

By brendon February 21, 2007 @ 8:41 AM

And now the first pictures, taken yesterday, of Britney Spears back in rehab at the extra-fancy Promises clinic in Malibu.  I hate when the pictures aren’t labeled.  Which one is Britney?

BRITNEY IS BACK IN REHAB

By brendon February 20, 2007 @ 12:50 PM

After a tumultuous 5 days, Britney Spears may have checked herself back in a chemical dependency unit this afternoon.  Yesterday the Sun UK said Britney’s mom was troubled over Britney’s recent bizarre behavior and was on her way from Louisiana to Malibu.  Today TMZ says:

Sources say the singer has checked into an in-patient facility in Los Angeles. We're told the move came after family members, including her mom, pressed her to check in.   Spears entered the facility today.  Last week, Spears checked herself into a rehab facility in Antigua but checked out less than 24 hours later.

Twice the amount of time in rehab means twice the amount of killing power!  My god, by the time Britney gets out … oh … wait … okay, never mind.  I thought "rehab" meant something else.

THE WORLDS MOST PREDICTABLE STORY

By brendon February 19, 2007 @ 6:12 PM

The site is already down for some reason, but if it comes back, you too can bid to buy the hair Britney Spears shaved off Friday night.  Buybritneyshair.com says:

This is it, the opportunity of a lifetime. You can be the proud owner of Britney Spears’ hair, extensions, the Omega clipper used to cut it all off and even the can of Red Bull she was drinking at the time. You also get her blue Bic Lighter and this valuable domain and website to use for publicity purposes. This is the Ultimate Britney Spears Experience! It is a piece of history that can not be duplicated!
A portion of the proceeds will be donated to various charities. The winner will have the choice to remain anonymous or to use this for publicity purposes.
If you are SERIOUS about purchasing please do the following:
Please send an email to buybritneyshair@yahoo.com and include your name, company name (if applicable), email, phone number, and address. We will contact you A.S.A.P. Any submissions that do not include ALL of the required information will be discarded.

The claim that this is the opportunity of a lifetime needs no explanation.  The site, therefore, does not go on to explain it.  What is clear is that anyone who buys this will be an instant devil with the ladies.  A Britney fan … AND you buy body parts on line?!?   Well well well, no more ordering brides from Bosnia for you, my friend!  What other erotic delights might you have around the house?

WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS STRANGER?

By brendon February 19, 2007 @ 10:44 AM

The Daily Mail says that Britney Spears went clubbing last night wearing a cheap blond wig and sunglasses to hide her newly shaved head.  She arrived at the Roxy nightclub on Sunset, but left after just 45 minutes and went to the Polo Lounge.  A source said:

"It was a shock to see her in a wig after what she had done to herself.  While she was in the club she kept going to bathroom all the time, which was weird."

I dare you to find a more ridiculous looking wig than the one millionaire Britney Spears choose.  It doesn't even look like a human-grade wig. It looks like something you would put on a monkey for a joke at a bachelor party.



BRITNEYS BIG NIGHT OUT

By brendon February 19, 2007 @ 9:52 AM

More pictures now chronicling Britney’s complete meltdown Friday night.  Mullets are really slimming, as it turns out.  You know this chick is nuts because that has to be the most uninspiring tat place I’ve ever seen.  You could get kidnapped and stay in a nicer place than that.  Although the guy in the striped shirt would probably be there in either scenario.  It seems like she’s so numb right now she’s doing all this to shock herself into feeling something, anything.  By the end of the week she'll be in fight clubs or lighting homeless guys on fire.

Honestly, have you ever seen anything like that top picture.  She looks like she's here form the future with a warning that we're ruining our planet.  The next picture was probably of her eating a fern or catching a fly with her tongue.



“HELP ME”

By brendon February 19, 2007 @ 8:58 AM

The Sun UK reports that Britney Spears bizarre recent breakdown capped off this weekend when she shaved her head has been fueled by her belief that she will lose her kids in a divorce settlement to Kevin Federline.  Lawyers for KFed have tried to portray Britney as an unfit mother who cares more about partying than raising her kids.  This hasn't been hard for the lawyers to do.  Britney stayed less than 12 hours in a rehab last week before returning to California last Friday, where she briefly visited her sons in Malibu before taking off for the night with some friends.  She was seen sobbing in her limo for ten minutes before she entered Esther’s Haircutting Studio in Tarzana at 6.15pm.  After hairdressers refused to shave her head, Britney — whose tearstains were visible on her hooded top — grabbed the clippers and did it herself.  When she left, she drove aimlessly around LA for 40 minutes.  About 8pm, her car pulled up to the Body and Soul Tattoo parlor.  With shaved hair all over her top, she got two new tats: a set of pink lips on her wrist and a black and a white and pink cross on her lower hip.  At about 2am, she was seen at the Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills wearing a dark wig.  Sources said she spoke with staff before entering a private room.   She was seen with a friend and seemed "disturbed".  The Drudge Report says she was seen begging staff, "help me".  But she left after just over an hour and was seen heading home. She has not been seen since.  One source who watched her get her tat said:

"We just saw a huge celebrity on the verge of a nervous breakdown … She seemed really distraught and disturbed. She was very scatterbrained."

Umm … yeah.  Is it just me or is it kind of hard to cheer for Britney Spears.  She's a millionaire celebrity with every possible advantage and all of her problems are 100 percent her own doing.  She's young, rich, white and beautiful.  Gee, if only she could get a break in life.  Cheering for Britney is like cheering for slave owners to sell more cotton or Godzilla to catch a rabbit.    You might as well be sad that the Nazis lost.  “Yeah, that uppity god-dammed Poland really had been asking for it."