BRITNEY IS GOING TO REHAB. MAYBE.

By brendon January 03, 2007 @ 10:36 AM

Life and Style says that Britney Spears checked into Sanctuary, a spa in Arizona on New Years Day, just hours after drinking so much on New Years Eve that she passed out.  Based on stuff they made up, this may be the first stop on the way to a full stint in an alchol rehab.  MSNBC says:

(Britney) reportedly checked into an exclusive spa “for some R&R” — and some are wondering if the a third “R” — rehab — is in store … “With these celebrities, ‘exhaustion’ sometimes means something else and a little rest at a spa sometimes actually translates into something a little more serious,” says a source.  Spears’ rep couldn’t be reached for comment, but L&S reports that the singer’s parents are urging their daughter to go into therapy.  “It’s just been heartbreaking for her parents to watch Britney on this downward spiral,” an “insider” told the mag. “It’s so sad.”

Keep in mind that Life and Style will say just about anything.  Like one time they claimed I haven't kissed a girl in two years.  Whatever.  Since when is 23 months considered "two years".  See what I mean.  They just lie to hurt my feelings.



BRITNEY SPEARS PASSED OUT

By brendon January 02, 2007 @ 9:57 AM

Britney Spears collapsed at PURE Nightclub in Las Vegas late on New Years Eve after drinking pineapple rum cocktails with champagne.  This is the second time in two weeks that Spears has been carried out of a nightclub.  She also needed help getting to her car after leaving Les Deux in Hollywood about 2 a.m. on Dec. 22.   Spears was hosting the New Years party for PURE when she blacked out around 1 a.m.  Her reps confirm that she was drinking but claim Britney was simply exhausted because of “a hard days work” and did not faint.  They admit she needed help getting back to her room but say it was only because she was so tired.  The Post says:

Spears was talking with one of her male dancers on a tented cabana bed when she said she wanted to leave, stood up and "she went into a dead faint and just fell right to the floor," a source said.  The source said the group pulled her onto the bed and called security to "get her out as quickly as possible."

Someone needs to go back to representative school because claiming Britney blacked out in a bar because she was working too hard is kind of insulting.  He might as well have said she was ascending into heaven or that she collapsed because her spirit was appearing to some kids who were drowning, telling them to “hold on, you can do it!”



BRITNEY IS A GROWNUP

By brendon December 20, 2006 @ 10:40 AM

In Touch Magazine says that Britney Spears called her ex Kevin Federline to taunt him after paparazzi pictures in the tabloids showed her kissing music producer JR Rotem.  Various reports say the two stayed out until 3:30 AM and then they went back to his apartment.  Kevin doesn't need an introduction to JR because JR produced two tracks ("Americas Most Hated" and "Lose Control") on Federlines failed debut album.  TMZ says:

Spears called the Fed-Ex to ask him if he'd seen pictures of her kissing music producer J.R. Rotem and then bragged about a sexual escapade she'd just had. What's more, Britney, according to In Touch's sources, has been taunting Federline about his newly-reduced financial status. "It was really bad," says an eyewitness. "[Brit] just started pushing his buttons … he started screaming at her."

This actually seems kinda mean, but Kevin Federline is a jackass, so I don't really care.  In fact if I don't see pictures of him in a tug-of-war with a raccoon over a drumstick by the end of the month I'm gonna be pretty disappointed.

BRITNEY IS A CLASSY LADY

By brendon December 18, 2006 @ 11:10 AM

Even though it was absolutely freezing in LA this weekend, Britney headed out Friday night to enjoy a few glasses of cigarettes wearing a see-thru dress.  And of course fucked it all up.  There's no possible way this could look any worse.  Between the miss-matching underwear and her ghost-white complexion and her gut and the scars and the white trash tattoos (how has this chick not gotten a dolphin or rainbow yet?) these are about as sexy as those black and white pictures from Vietnam of that little girl running down the street naked or that one dude blowing that other dudes brains out.  At least black and white go together.

BRITNEY FORGOT SOMETHING. YET AGAIN.

By brendon December 13, 2006 @ 3:04 PM

Cigarettes must not have as many vitamins as Britney thinks they do, because she looks like hell in these pictures taken last night on her way out to the LA club Element.  Not even going to a club in a lace shirt with no bra made her look hot.  She just looks trampy.  And used up.  In another 6 months, sticking your penis inside of this girl will be like ringing one of those triangular dinner bells on a ranch.

SOURCE =  X17 Online



KEVIN WANTS TO WRITE A BOOK

By brendon December 13, 2006 @ 10:07 AM

Kevin Federline is still insisting that he wants sole custody of their two children as well as a settlement of at least $20 million or he will publicly prove that Britney Spears is an unfit mother.  Kevin is prepared to write a tell-all book about his soon to be ex-wife that would include tales of wild drinking, drug use, her fantasies about other women and … wait for it … her theories on time-travel.  Shockingly, Federline may reconsider if he gets what he wants in a divorce settlement.  A source says:

“Kevin is either hoping a publisher will pay him big money for the book or that Britney will cough up more cash than what’s in their prenup to keep him from spilling the beans.”

There's no way a publisher is gonna pay "big" money for anything inspired by Kevin Federlines writing.  Half the manuscript would be drawings on napkins of dinosaurs and "dem niggas was all clownin me".