Fleshbot has a clip from what may or may not be the long rumored Britney Spears sex tape (read more about that here), featuring a girl with dark hair who kinda looks like Britney on the buisness end of a penis, enthusiastically giving oral to someone thankfully not shown.  I'd rather watch a sex change operation than Kevin getting oral from my once beloved Britney.    

TMZ says that KFed is planning on fighting for custody of his kids.  As soon as he remembers who they are.  But much more interesting is the claim made in an email to Michael K over on D, from somone saying they are close to Britneys inner circle.  They claim all of this is nothing but a publicity stunt to scare Kevin and get some attention. The unnamed source says:

Don’t believe the Britney divorce. I’m sort of in with her circle of friends and I know for a fact she’s not going to leave him. She’s just doing this to scare him and gain some sympathy votes from the media. She went on Letterman, cause Kevin thought she was at the hotel crying over him. She is using the divorce to scare him. They are already talking to each other and texting all the time on their mobiles. She always threatened divorce on him and he never believed her. She’s hoping he will change his ways. I think she also knows that this can change her image and is using it. They will get back together. Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if they are already back together.

Britney does seem okay with this whole thing.  She looks downright giddy.   And stacked.  JESUS, WHERE DID THAT RACK COME FROM!  Her boobs are normally only this big in the drawings in my diary ten years ago.  Technically, she should be riding a dolphin under a rainbow, but this is close enough, so I’m not complaining.



Yikes. She told him in a damn text message. My hope is she typed in that :( frowny face thing.  That's how I do it.  And if it's good enough to tell a girl they have an STD, it's good enough to announce a divorce.  Almost everyone is saying Kevin had no idea this was coming, but Fox says the timing is no accident. They say the prenup “evidently carried increases for Federline for every year of their marriage. And those deadlines, they say, likely had 30-day grace periods. Hence, Nov. 6 would have been Britney's last chance to get out of paying a third year of alimony settlement to a basically talent less slacker who was a drain on her finances.” Fox really did write that. God, the whole damn world really does hate this jackass. A damn UFO attack couldn't unify the globe this quickly.

And Best Week Ever has a few more details on the pre-nup from the December issue of Us, although it's almost exactly what we said yesterday:

 - K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.
 - The mansion will be divided 50/50.
 - Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
 - She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage.
 - Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson.

So, 360,000 plus 3.5 for the mansion. Almost all the gifts, regardless of what was given to who, were paid for by Britney, so they all go back to her.  And I think we all know Kevin will piss through that 3.86 in a year, maybe two.  After that he’ll be living in a tree house, huddled up in the corner as rain leaks in, shakin like Michael J. Fox as he contemplates how far he’s fallen.  I can't even tell you how happy this makes me. 



Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, her husband of two years, citing "irreconcilable differences."  The paperwork was actually submitted yesterday in Los Angeles, the same day Spears made a surprise appearance on the David Letterman show in New York.  Spears is asking for legal and physical custody of their two children but is not objecting to Federline having “reasonable visitation rights.”  It is unknown what type of financial settlement Federline will receive, but even those who have been critical of Spears in the past commend her for the extremely strict prenuptial agreement she forced Federline to sign just before their marriage.  When asked why the earth suddenly feels like it's spinning faster, scientists said it's because Kevin Federline just fell off the face of it.

GIDDY UPDATE – In regards to a settlement, a report in the Daily Mirror on May 26 said, “even though the princess of pop is worth more than 120million, getting rid of Kevin may cost her as little as 350,000 and a half share of their Malibu home because of a canny prenuptial agreement.”  Their home in Malibu is said to be worth 7 million.  Many fear that this news, coupled with the complete failure of his debut rap album, may lead Kevin to the kind of depression that not even suicide can solve.  Or can it….



MSNBC is just one of the mainstream sources picking up on a story that first appeared online last week, a story claiming Britney’s son Sutton Pierce is actually named Jayden James.  And might be a girl.  On October 16th, CBB said:

We heard that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's new son's name is not Sutton Pierce. Kevin alluded to this during an interview on a Seattle radio station and now we think we know the baby boy's real name. According to one of our sources, his name is Jayden James and they call him J.J.

And today MSNBC adds:

Another source insists that the baby isn’t a boy at all — but a girl.  Buzz about the baby’s sex grew louder after a report that Spears was photographed buying pink baby clothes at Planet Blue in Malibu … Why all the secrecy? One source compares it to the recent Suri Cruise mystery and says that the baby’s identity will be released in a PR blitz. Says the source: “I’m hearing that they’ll release pics closer to the release date of Kevin’s new CD.”

Another top secret source who is me confirms that no one fucking cares.  The new kid could descend from heaven on a fluffy cloud, holding a blue flame sword and bathed in sunbeams, and I'd still just throw a rock at his dads head.  He could make his debut by running on the field and returning a punt for a touchdown in the Super Bowl and I would just call his mom a fat mess.

BORING NEW UPDATE – TMZ has tracked down a copy of the birth certificate and their second child is a boy named Jayden James.

AWESOME NEW UPDATE – As Bryan points out in an email, KFed writes like an autistic 4 year old and prints his signature.  It's borderline amazing he didn't use a crayon or just draw some stars.



Kevin Federline couldn't find a record label to release his album, so Britney had to start a label just for him.  Now it seems she's in charge of selling the record too.  MSNBC says:

Britney Spears is asking her fans to help sell her hubby’s album (by) sponsoring a contest, and the fan who helps sell the most copies of Kevin Federline’s “Playing With Fire” gets to party with Spears and K-Fed on Halloween during the CD release party. Second prize is the pair of sneakers that K-Fed wore on the Teen Choice Awards, third place gets a $200 gift certificate, and 10 lucky runners-up get a replica of a medallion that K-Fed wears almost every day.

This is another awesome idea from these two geniuses.  Based on everything so far – meaning Britney has to constantly bail his ass out and manufacture his success – Britney will announce the winner at some press conference and it will turn out to be "Señior Federline" and Kevin will come out in a big thick mustache and sombrero, then just say "no speaka Engrish" – he'll fuck it all up and sound vaguely Asian – then run off, confident that he fooled everyone and no one suspects a thing.  "The perfect crime," he'll say as he removes his disguise just off stage.