Before she passed away in 2009 from a variety of illnesses, poisoned drugs, or a government conspiracy that made her the No. 1 threat to post-9/11 freedom, depending on which theory you choose to believe, Brittany Murphy had one last movie in the can. Something Wicked is a psychological thriller that is finally being released, and the reason for its 5-year delay is either out of deep, immense respect for the late actress, in regard to the fact that it’s all about people being murdered, or because it looks like it was filmed by some college students after they spent 48 hours watching really shitty horror movies from the 90s. Either way, this at least guarantees that people will keep making up wild theories about Brittany’s death, and that’s really the most important thing her family and friends could ever do for her legacy.
Actress Brittany Murphy died suddenly at the age of 32 back in 2009, as she reportedly collapsed in the bathroom of her home and was declared DOA by the staff at Cedars-Sinai. It was later determined that she died of pneumonia and anemia, as well as complications from drug use, while a strange series of events that followed made pretty much anyone who cared look at her husband Simon Monjack for answers. But then he died five months later under similar circumstances and here we are today.
Except Brittany’s dad, Angelo Bertolotti, claims that the results of his own private investigation prove that she had traces of barium in her hair before she died, and she was poisoned with criminal intent, according to the New York Daily News. So who would do such a thing? According to the Daily Mail, it was the big, bad government getting revenge for Brittany supporting her friend, Julia Davis, who was a whistleblower against the Department of Homeland Security.
This is huge, if true, because it means that our government agencies have officially jumped the shark in terms of who they’re willing to murder.
Photo Credit: Getty
As you know, Simon Monjack was that worthless tub of shit who somehow tricked Brittany Murphy into marrying him, and who seemed suspicious as hell when she died.
Well now take every uncomfortable shiver that ever went up your spine when you thought about him and multiply that by one hundredy quillion.
The L.A. Coroner’s Office just released their report on Simon Monjack’s death.
In the report, the investigator documents an exchange with a person (later identified as) Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy.
The investigator and (Sharon) were going through the master bedroom in the Hollywood Hills home that Simon shared with Brittany … when (Sharon) pointed to one side of Simon’s bed and identified it as “her side of the bed.”
This could maybe be creppier, but only if they also indicated what part of the bed Brittanys corpse slept on, and if there was a bunch of sex toys littering the ground. And not even normal sex toys, but like a dildo attached to a two-stroke diesel engine with a picture of a grizzly bear on the side.
Last Thursday was the 5 month anniversary of the death of Brittany Murphy. It was December 20th when her mom found her dead in the shower of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with her husband, Simon Monjack. But this is Hollywood, 5 months is an eternity. It’s time for a gritty reboot!
Simon Monjack was found dead late Sunday night at his home in the Hollywood Hills… and both bodies were discovered by the same woman.
Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy, found Monjack unconscious in the master bedroom around 9:30PM, and then called 911.
Monjack was pronounced dead sometime after paramedics arrived … when resuscitation efforts failed.
Monjack reportedly died from cardiac arrest, though nothing officially has been determined.
This guy was 90 percent doughnut so cardiac arrest is a safe bet. But he was a real piece of shit so hopefully it was something worse than that. Like suicide, or even better Brittanys ghost came to visit him, and it was like ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ where at first she was real pretty but then she turned into a monster and chased his fat ass around the house until he died.
LINDSAY LOHAN - is 23, and Roberto Cavalli is 69. Good luck trying to figure out which one to feel sorry for. (wenn)
JAY LENO - is planning a week of shows in New York City, to beat Letterman “on his home turf”. Leno will be great there. I bet he’ll have some real zingers about how the Knicks aren’t very good at basketball. This guy doesn’t care whose toes he steps on. (pop eater)
DARYL HANNAH - is naked in her new movie, and the Sun has a few pictures. She might have the best naked body of any 50 year old I’ve ever seen, and I base that on comparisons to absolutely nothing. Or did you think this was some kind of geriatric lust website. (the sun)
SIMON MONJACK - is SOL because Brittany Murphy left him out of her will. I went one year into the future to question him about this, but he was too busy asking a cat if it was gonna finish that Meow Mix. (us.com)
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT - somehow pulled a super tight dress over her fat hips last night. If you don’t feel like clicking the link, just imagine what it looks like right after a python swallows a pig. (daily mail)
Over the weekend, The New York Post reported that Brittany Murphy filled a prescription for Vicodin just 11 days before she died. And then took 109 of them. That’s 2.42 vicodin (*) per hour for the last 11 days of her life. Her dipshit husband told Radar the story is a lie, and they might sue the Post because of it.
“Dr. Cohen prescribed the pills to (Brittanys mom). Dr. Cohen has never prescribed anything to Brittany. He’s never, ever seen Brittany.”
“This is so defamatory and ridiculous. It benefits no one when these lies are propagated.”
And yet Brittany did have vicodin (hydrocodone) in her system when she died, so God only knows what this retards point is. Granted I don’t really know how drugs work. To be honest I can barely even form a complete sentence. But a buddy of mine who is a Neurosurgical Resident at The U dumbed down all the stuff in her autopsy for me. Full text here, but here’s (SPOILER ALERT!) the summary…
…that’s a lot of sedative medications, and a lot of drug/drug interactions that can cause serious respiratory depression. It’s a lot of unnecessary medications.
After that he said, “A competent physician would treat her pneumonia, rather than just drown everything with pain killers if you know what I mean.” And I said, “I sure do, haha!”. And then I nervously laughed some more while praying there would be no follow up question.
(*) Maybe. I at math, as bad as right words.