Brittney Palmer Almost Murdered

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 8:09 AM

Brittney Palmer Cleavy On Twitter
UFC Ring Girl Brittney Palmer was almost murdered to the death after he husband flew into a jealous rage. It’s possible his story will differ. Something closer to, she’s lying. Palmer claims her husband, who is usually a super nice dude who chia gardens and volunteers with children, threw her around their home and nearly choked her out after he heard her casting agent call her ‘babe’ on the telephone. According to Palmer, as her husband had her hog-tied fighting for air, he scratched himself and yelled out:

Why are you making me do this? I just wanted you to love me!

Is he homaging Jeremy Renner as a creepy serial killer or is he scratching himself to produce mitigating attack wounds? I’m not sure ‘she scratched me’ is actually a legal defense against choking your wife to death. ‘She never let me get a drum set in the house’ I could see playing well at least to the guys on the jury. This incident brings to mind the old adage, don’t marry a woman every other man in the world wants to titty fuck. If you found Jake LaMotta to be the sympathetic character in Raging Bull, stick to casual dating. Be the guy who calls her babe on the phone and fucks her a few times after her husband turns out to be the kind of dick a ring girl marries. That’s the sweet spot.

Photo Credit: Facebook/Twitter

Arianny Celeste And Brittney Palmer Are After Hosts

By Lex September 29, 2014 @ 10:11 AM

Arianny Celeste And Brittney Palmer Host MMA After Fight Party In Las Vegas
UFC after parties are key ever since UFC responded to their shittier fight night cards by raising pay-per-view prices to Paris Hilton’s weekend cocaine tab. They schedule some pretty decent match-ups, then cancel when some fighter’s roid box blows or their dog chews off their flexor tendon while they’re sleeping in their van behind the Luxor. That’s why you need the stellar ring girls who pass the test of looking bangable in Larry Bird’s 80′s trunks as they circle the octagon in a counterclockwise rotation between rounds. If these girls started punching the shit out of each other, that would be mighty disturbing, though finally worth the DirecTV bill.

Photo Credit: Fame Flynet, Splash, AKM-GSI

Arianny Celeste And Brittney Palmer In Bikinis

By Lex August 27, 2014 @ 12:11 PM

Arianny Celeste And Brittney Palmer Pose In Bikinis For A Photo Shoot By Alan Dawe
It must be nice to make the cut above Hooters waitress. Your soul smells less like fried chicken. I’d scalpel, insert, freeze, super-size, inject, and satanically murder whatever it took to reach the rung where you got bathrobes and director’s chairs on breaks instead of a guy named Carlos trying to massage your sideboob. I probably wouldn’t let Dana White in my shorts, but a few Tuesday nights slinging wings for tips might change my mind.

Photo Credit: Alan Dawe

Brittney Palmer Poses In Bikinis

By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 9:37 AM

Brittney Palmer Poses In Bikinis For The July 2014 Issue Of Fitness Gurls
The good news about naming your daughter Brittney is that no matter which one of the ten or so spellings available, she’s guaranteed to grow up to be making rent with her tits. You name your girl Gladys, she might grow up to be a rocket scientist, she might just make it to CVS overnight pharmacy counter gopher. It’s way too fucking risky. Go with Brittney. She’ll never go hungry.

Photo Credit: Fitness Gurls magazine

Arianny Celeste and Brittney Palmer Should Fight

By Lex April 08, 2013 @ 2:17 PM

Arianny Celeste Brittney Palmer May FHM BTS Video

UFC can’t seem to put on a title fight anybody cares $60 worth about. But they do know how to find hot ass ring girls. Like Arianny Celeste and Brittany Palmer. These bubble headed babes hold up ring cards and get naked for Playboy which has made them celebrities. I’d pay $60 on PPV to watch these two go at it. Not brawling. All seventy-four girl fights I’ve seen on YouTube have sickened me. More like a topless pillow fight set to Der Ring des Nibelungen with the winner mounting the other in humbling sexual domination. If I had thought about it at all, that’s what I’d want to see.

Here’s Arianny and Brittany behind the scenes of their FHM Photoshoot this month.