Brooke Hogan went shopping yesterday at Trashy Lingerie in West Hollywood, and either she looks ok/good in these pictures or my sexual dry spell is effecting my judgment. I haven’t been laid in a month. That has to be it. I want to place an ad on craigslist as a “photographer” looking for some hot young models, but first I need to finish renovating the stairs to my basement so they turn into a slide at the push of a button. Scooby Doo made it look a lot easier than it really is.
Linda Hogan says her daughter Brooke bes’ stop lyin about her, or else she’ll face some vague, poorly-thought-out retribution. OK magazine says…
The Hogan family has been going back and forth lately, with Brooke Hogan laying accusations of drug use at her mother Linda Hogan’s door. Linda then responded by saying her daughter had breast implants, among other things … “[If] Brooke continues to spew lies on behalf of her father’s lame attempt to distance himself from the reality that he is no different from the homicidal OJ Simpson, [Linda's new boyfriend] will be forced to put aside his paramedic/firefighting career path and release an album called ‘Redemption’ which will easily surpass any of Brooke’s records sales.”
I’m not really positive that selling more records than Brooke Hogan would give anyone bragging rights over anyone else. Those dogs who bark Jingle Bells and the Spooky Halloween Sounds cd at Hallmark probably sell more than Brooke too. It would be like bragging about beating Lindsay at a drug test.
UNSEXY UPDATE 2 - k, so the Jamie Chung pics were, um, “taken down by request.” The part about bigshot photographer Randall Slavin still stands though.
In her mind, as she made her way to the Ritz Carlton pool in Miami on Saturday, and again just before she revealed her scandalous pink thong, Brooke Hogan was already planning for the next few days, once these “sexy” pictures were all over the internet. Then in magazines like Star - maybe even the cover in a “guess who” kind of thing - a week later. Some people on myspace, they be hatin, but only cuz they jealous LOL. "If you doan like me, how come you always talkin bout me," she would say next week.
And that’s pretty much how it worked out. Except, instead of paparazzi hiding in the trees, she was followed by William and his phone. And William didn’t really “follow” her as much as he “sat there for an hour and then said fuck it why not”. Amazing isn't it. She's like the new Madonna with the way she manipulates the media.
Bored indifference swept over the stage at the Calle Ocho festival in Miami this weekend, when Brooke Hogan did a pole dance while performing her catalog of hit songs. She showed her moves on the hopefully reinforced pole, sliding down with her legs spread. Then she got to the bottom and just sort of laid there helplessly, struggling to breathe seductively, on her back for a suspiciously sexy long time, like a fat dog or turtle an enchantress who can’t rock its momentum back and forth enough to get up beckoning her lover for a night of passion.
I couldn't even guess how Brooke Hogan managed to get on the red carpet for the Grammys, but whatever. Do we know for a fact that this is a woman? I remember some bikini pictures from like two summers ago where the front of her bottoms looked oddly full. If that wasn't a penis, then her vagina must look like something you'd see hanging out of an alligators mouth.
I always assumed that if Brooke Hogan and Kelly Clarkson’s worlds ever collided, it would be at some kind of pie eating contest, but instead Brooke decided it would be a good idea to cover a Clarkson song I’ve never heard of. She was mistaken. It was a horrible idea, because that bitch can't sing. In all honesty this might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I’d rather bring home a new girl and hear her say, "okay now you suck mine", than to ever hear another note from this song again.
