By Lex October 09, 2013 @ 4:16 PM
Just a couple hours into separation from Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner already looks like somebody who had the weight of the world lifted off his shoulder. If that weight was a lying cheating puppet master with a vagina that smells like the sulfur pits in Hades. It’ll probably take Bruce a few more hours to realize he’s still the dad of two teenage high school dropouts who think that wearing bikinis for older men is a career choice. But, for today, it’s just Bruce, trying to feel like a man again.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex October 09, 2013 @ 1:47 PM
Yesterday’s bullshit denial of Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner splitting up didn’t last to long. The gender bending couple emerged this morning with a confirmation to their benefactor E! Channel that they have decided what their genitals already did years ago, they can’t stand to be around each other any more.
“We are living separately and we are much happier this way. But we will always have much love and respect for each other. Even though we are separated, we will always remain best friends and, as always, our family will remain our number one priority.”
The old Soviet Union broke up with more honesty than encapsulated in that statement. At some point, it will get nasty again when money issues start being settled. The price to enter Kris’ demonic vagina is your soul; the cost to exit is even higher. Just ask her last husband. Oh, that’s right, you can’t.
By Lex October 08, 2013 @ 11:37 AM
Brody Jenner had some free time on his hands seeing as how The Hills wrapped up six years ago, so he gave an interview to a British tabloid where he confirmed that his tranny dad Bruce Jenner was living full time in a Malibu rental, separate and apart from Kris Jenner. But, don’t read anything into that.
“I stay out of their business, but as far as I’m concerned, they haven’t split up. Dad’s been in Malibu – he grew up out here – and the press has made a big deal of it. It’s nothing to do with them breaking up.”
Brody is right. The press has jumped the gun again. In marriages between an older man turning himself into a woman and a scheming shrew that the husband hates with all his girlish guts, it’s not uncommon for couples to live apart. However, Kris’ sister, Some Other Whore, had said last week that Bruce had already consulted a divorce attorney. She claims that Bruce would hold off filing papers until the Keeping Up With the Kardashians show contract ended in 2015 so that the comatose and girls who struggle with math who comprise the KUWTK audience could continue to enjoy the engineered reality of the intact Kardashian family. I normally don’t condone lies and deceit, but these two obviously have noble intentions.
By Travis June 06, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Bruce Jenner is more known for being that creepy old man who sometimes hangs out with Kim Kardashian and her family than he is for being a hugely successful Olympic athlete back in the day, and that’s fine because Michael Phelps just won a ton of medals and we don’t give a shit about him anymore. But despite the fact that he reportedly doesn’t even share a home with his wife, Kris Jenner, he still gets the fake celebrity treatment and is allowed to make appearances on talk shows.
Bruce was on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon earlier this week to rip the host a new one, as he’s grown tired of people making fun of his plastic surgery. He’s right, too, because it’s not like he’s been super secretive about it. Still, when you pay money for someone to turn you into Mason Verger from Hannibal, you can’t really complain about a few jokes.
(Second half of the interview is here.)
By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 2:39 PM
“Actually, I’ve only met him once. He’s never … he’s not around. He was in Paris the whole time writing and he just hasn’t been around,” – Bruce Jenner to Extra.
And here’s that time. At the X-Factor watching Khloe Kardashian monotone her teleprompter lines in a dress that barely contained her winter thermal layer. Just look at Kanye. He looks like he can’t wait to join the Kardashian family ‘nobody fucking eat, we’re all fat’ picnics and cash counting overnighters. Kanye may be a heavily affected douche, but no man is immune to a thorough examination of the family he’s boning into and Kanye isn’t going to be playing that shit. Banging the snot out of a fame whore with a whooty he’d had a longing for in his nutsack, yes. Going emergency diaper shopping in preppy wear with Scott Disick for an E! reality show segment, don’t count on it. I wouldn’t let Kanye bathe that baby unsupervised. He may be that practical.