I Am Cait Is Almost Here (VIDEO)

By Lex July 23, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

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It seems like just yesterday that ten million politically correct retards threw their arms in the air and exalted the birth of Caitlin Jenner. It was like the broken marriages and child abandonment and vehicular manslaughters and sexualization of young daughters never happened. Baptism in the river tranny. Vagina Dad’s new five million dollar pay day is set to launch with Caitlin filming herself verite in her bed discussing her fear of letting down transgendered teens on the brink of horrific outcomes. That is a burden Caitlin takes on for herself in between commercials and weaves. A deft segue into Caitlin showing off her closet full of fabulous clothes then offering Khloe a brontosaurus roast by way of reconciliation for turning into a more popular version of her makes up the rest of the show. There’s no reason to re-invent the wheel. Tranny teens are dying. What shade of lipstick is that again?

The Kardashians Made ESPN Their Bitch

By Lex July 16, 2015 @ 9:11 AM

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Every now and then Ray J pipes up and takes credit for creating the Kardashian empire. His jizz fling was the eye of newt potion that turned that tawdry family from dead OJ accomplice and his cheating widow into a media juggernaut. Without that reality show, Bruce Jenner goes to his grave as Bruce Jenner in pants. There is no light bulb moment when an ex-athlete who can’t confront his gay starts picturing himself the world stage star of his own tranny on-camera tale. That idea never passes into this world.

Agree with it or not, when ESPN decided to feature a married lesbian female soccer player handing a courage award to Bruce Jenner with tits in a dress, they announced themselves as the politically correct me-too network that used to cover sports. Scrambling to appear to be the most open-minded and progressive institution is no different than scrambling to jump any bandwagon. In the midst of your self-congratulatory parade, you are nothing more than an opportunistic asshole. You’re not setting the tone for anything. You just look weak. Tolerance is not something you obtain by handing out undeserved awards to Bruce Jenner in a dress while forcing NBA ballers to stand and applaud. Martin Luther King, Jr. understood that equality was a road to be traveled, not a grandstand where he whipped out his black cock and had the sexually frustrated Daughters of the American Revolution local chapter President stroke it as her savior. Forcing people to choose between political correct celebrants or derision worthy intolerants is no way to achieve progress.

Kardashians, you win, again. Bruce Jenner got paid. The E! reality show starts next week. ESPN rolled over like the cell block play toy. This isn’t about advancing civil rights any more than visiting a hooker is about love. Ray J, take a bow, this is your fault.

ESPN Takes a Month to Perfect Its Lie

By Lex July 14, 2015 @ 10:39 AM

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Everybody with an IQ above Kardashian understands why ESPN picked Caitlin Jenner to receive the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPY’s. It’s the same reason you told that girl in high school with the big tits how smart and funny she was. Why dance around the base human desire for sex and money? It’s normal. Apologize like you mean it, take your ratings boost, and move on. Back in June at the announcement, ESPN issued a statement that ‘the decisions speaks for itself’. Yes, it did. We get it.

With the ESPY’s coming around this week, ESPN rolled out Maura Mandt, the only chick they could find who works in ESPN executive ranks, surrounded by a team of public relations consultants, to double down on their cheating husband level excuses:

I think Caitlyn’s decision to publicly come out as a transgender woman and live as Caitlyn Jenner displayed enormous courage and self-acceptance. Bruce Jenner could have easily gone off into the sunset as this American hero and never have dealt with this publicly. Doing so took enormous courage. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time. That is what the Arthur Ashe Courage Award is about, somebody from the athletic community who has done something that transcends sport. One of the biggest platforms the Arthur Ashe Foundation has is educational, and I think in this choice we have the opportunity to educate people about this issue and hopefully change and possibly save some lives.  I think that is why it was the right choice.

Was a clairvoyant not available to confirm that Arthur Ashe approved of this nomination from beyond the grave? I could have written that pat response in two minutes, and even dropped in how Bruce Jenner bravely called 911 after he killed that old lady on PCH. Would Caitlin Jenner have done that? I don’t know. I know Caitlin Jenner never won the decathlon and her contributions to saving lives have been limited primarily to going to swank parties on terraces where everybody pretends not to notice her man hands. Every little bit helps. Excuse me, miss, your cock is showing. Yes, that does qualify you for the Pat Tillman Award.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Caitlyn Jenner Happy Father’s Day

By Matt June 23, 2015 @ 8:04 AM

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Caitlyn Jenner celebrated Father’s Day with her children. If you think that sentence sounds absurd you’re either a bigot or just kind of smart or neither. This was presumably for a segment of the impending reality show where a dude gets super self righteous about wearing a dress. All the key grips offed themselves. I’m assuming these people all smell like shit. Accept for Jenner’s pony tailed rebellious son with his cis penis. That guy’s probably not bad. I saw him at Pep Boys.

Assuming Jenner is a chick, this is typical behavior. I refuse to do housework because you can’t tell me what to do. No I won’t pull out my credit card at dinner. I believe a man should act like a man. I have a moral compass which I can activate when I stop getting free shit. It’s actually an app I got on this phone I didn’t buy while vacationing in Dubai with this dude I don’t speak with anymore. If you’re a woman you don’t get to celebrate Father’s Day. I’ll start opening car doors when you bust out the Pine Sol. Equal pay, my ass.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Caitlyn Jenner’s Face Cost $70,000

By Matt June 05, 2015 @ 8:11 AM

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According to Blue Book estimates on a 1949 Douche, Bruce Jenner spent $70,000 to have a brow lift, facial rejuvenation surgery, botox injections, cheek implants, a shaved Adam’s apple and a blue rubber band from a stock of broccoli to help tuck his balls behind his legs. This goes to show anyone can find their true selves if they have an extra 70k laying around from encouraging their daughters to drop out of high school and blow rappers based on their number of Instagram followers. If God fucked up your drive-thru order and you were supposed to be born a woman you’d better be financially stable. Overriding nature will run you a pretty penny. I heard the farmers in the midwest fertilize their crops with the ashes of burnt hundreds when the going gets tough.

This whole spectacle is casting a larger divide between the haves and the have nots. You can find the person inside you through laborious surgeries. How did people achieve enlightenment before we realized a treatment for botulism could paralyze your face in a good way? If you’re in a union and there’s a woman inside you she might just have to stay there. Only rich people have the ability to find themselves. That’s how they used to sell Rolls Royces. Now it’s nose jobs. Welcome to the new world. We’ll fix all your problems now let’s cut your face. Who’s paying for this? Go Fund my ego.

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair 

Caitlyn Jenner and the Myth of Tolerance

By Lex June 03, 2015 @ 9:24 AM

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The curious case of Caitlyn Jenner exposes once more the intellectually dishonest debate over tolerance. Tolerance is an empty slogan employed by individuals with an agenda seeking to forestall dissension. It’s no different than politicians waving the flag around military budgets or hate mongers playing on base fears as a means to an end. Tolerance is held up as a goal in and of itself, meaning, its moral superiority need not be defended, or even explained. It’s trite, it’s cynical, it’s extremely effective.

The supporters of Bruce Jenner’s gender change have declared him the heroic standard bearer for gender rights. The issue is framed entirely in black or white. You are on the side of Caitlyn and tolerance or you are a babbling blockhead who deserves scorn and ridicule. In a more perfect world coming soon, you will taste the dungeon floors. Tolerance has become intolerance.

There appears to be the entire sum of nobody suggesting that Bruce Jenner didn’t have the absolute right to spend his shiny beads to purchase womanhood. However, there are people suggesting that Jenner is a self-centered egotist who has for decades put his own interests ahead of his obligation to family, let alone the gender dysmorphia rights campaign itself. Kris Jenner this week legitimately cried real human tears explaining how she was duped for twenty-three years by a husband and father to her children who hid the fact that his number one desire in life was to be living as a woman. Do you realize what kind of devil you must be to make Kris Jenner a legitimately sympathetic character?

Bruce Jenner lied to Kris Jenner just as he abandoned his former children and lied to his former wives and allowed his current crop of kids to be exploited for commercial gain because he was too weak with soul searching to put his foot down. These minor indiscretions all cleared now, along with a vehicular death, in the name of working through your gender identity issues. If you had crippling ALS like Stephen Hawking and your obsession with your cure led you to leave a trail of broken families in your wake, people would mock you openly. Bruce Jenner’s malady lies within the realm of the socially progressive, so he gets a free pass. In fact, he gets an Arthur Ashe Courage Award.

Bruce Jenner is not a horrible person. He’s just a guy who wanted to be a girl and his long time struggle has made him something of a self-absorbed heel. If that is the god you wish to bow down to, so be it. It’s when you bring out the fasces and start beating the critics that you cinch your morally bankrupt position. It would be nice if we could debate social issues on merit and point, rather than as an immature lot with butt hurt feelings requiring childish responses. I blame Sesame Street. I’m okay, you’re okay, unless you disagree with me. Mr. Hooper’s blowing Luis behind the produce, if this is a problem I got an eight foot tall bird who needs to see you in the alley about your feelings.

Photo credit: Vanity Fair