JOHN MAYER IS SUBTLE

By brendon March 07, 2008 @ 11:42 AM

Us magazine and the Sun among others seem to think that a blog entry by John Mayer is about Jessica Simpson.  In it, he posts a letter which asks an ex girlfriend to leave him alone, but he never comes out and gives a name.  He's run through some pretty famous ass, including Jessica, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Minka Kelly.  Really it could be about anyone, but it's probably about your mom (zing!).  He explains:

"I was sitting in the airport lounge this morning when I started scribbling out lyrics and such … Don't read too far into this on a personal level (there are no hidden messages) … I just thought it sums up how crazy love can be."

And the letter says:

“Dear Ex Lover,
“Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore.
“I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying.
“I hope this is enough closure for you.
“Goodbye.
“P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me."

Oh, I know where to find you all right.  And you know where to find me … AND OUR BABY!  *DUN-DUN-DUN*

Wait, I’m a dude.  Okay never mind.



CAMERON DIAZ IS REALLY SMART

By brendon June 25, 2007 @ 8:15 AM

Cameron Diaz was touring Incan ruins in Peru this weekend and ended up offending locals by wearing a bag marked with communist Chinese propaganda, specifically a quote from Mao Zedong.  This is apparently news to Cameron, but the people of Peru aren't wild about Mao and communism, possibly because the Mao inspired Communist Party of Peru – also known as Shining Path – attempted to take over Peru in a bloody coup in the 1980s.  Shining Path launched a guerrilla war that killed tens of thousands, mostly civilians.  Shining Path is considered a terrorist organization by the United States, Canada, and the European Union.  Breitbart News says:

While she explored the Inca city of Machu Picchu high in Peru's Andes, Diaz wore over her shoulder an olive green messenger bag emblazoned with a red star and the words 'Serve the People' printed in Chinese on the flap, perhaps Chinese Communist leader Mao's most famous political slogan.
While the bags are marketed as trendy fashion accessories in some world capitals, the phrase has particular resonance in Peru.
The Maoist Shining Path insurgency took Peru to the edge of chaos in the 1980s and early 1990s with a campaign of massacres, assassinations and bombings.
Nearly 70,000 people were killed during the insurgency.

In Cameron's defense, who doesn't love the communist Chinese?  They're delightful.  Sure they used to oppress human rights and kill anyone who spoke out against them, but that was probably just an 80s trend, like Members Only jackets and feathering your hair.



YIKES, PART 2

By brendon June 16, 2007 @ 12:24 PM

I like putting up Cameron Diaz pictures because she’s such an ugly lox, it sets the bar real low for the page, and then seeing any medium looking girl later on feels refreshing and gives you a nice happy feeling.  It's like you put your foot in a fire and then took it out.  Taking it out isn't awesome or anything, but it's not on fire.  Hooray!

THE MTV AWARDS WERE UGLY

By brendon June 04, 2007 @ 2:07 AM

From the neck down, all three of these chicks look pretty hot.  Unfortunately I'm pretty sure it's illegal to have sex with chicks with no head, which means all three of them still classify as monsters.

CAMERON DIAZ AND CRISS ANGEL?

By brendon May 15, 2007 @ 11:30 AM

People.com says that magician Criss Angel is maybe sorta dating Cameron Diaz now.  They went out Saturday (pictured) and Monday night in Las Vegas, and Diaz was supposed to go back to LA Sunday but decided instead to stay until today.  All of which should be humiliating for Diaz but doesn't appear to be.  People says:

The pair began their evening with dinner at the Bellagio's Prime steakhouse, then rode to the Mirage in Angel's Rolls Royce for the 10:30 p.m. performance of Cirque du Soleil's Beatles tribute LOVE.
The smiling duo walked arm-in-arm into the theater through the main entrance, and throughout the show, a witness tells PEOPLE, "They were snuggling with each other and he was making her laugh. They seemed really happy."
After the final curtain, the pair headed backstage and greeted the cast until just before midnight before leaving through a side door and disappearing into the night in Angel's car.

Criss Angel ranks somewhere around "good" as a magician, but Cameron Diaz is borderline retarded, so this should work out nicely.  He probably pulled a quarter from her ear and now she thinks he's come here from a distant world to learn about love.  But Criss might wanna go slow with the tricks.  Last week a guy opened a lighter and she screamed "SORCERER!" while throwing stuff at him.  That went on for 10 minutes. 

CAMERON DIAZ IS ALMOST TOO PRETTY

By brendon May 10, 2007 @ 5:15 PM

In an interview to promote Shrek 3, Cameron Diaz talks to Us magazine about the prejudice in Hollywood against beautiful girls.  She wants everyone to know that she can't help but be this pretty, so you should all just learn to deal with it.  Cameron says:

"If a woman who's a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, 'Do you think you made it because you're ugly?' So why should there be prejudice against someone who's had some success in films and looks a little better than average. It's all in my genes, so don't hold it against me."

Cameron sure is pretty, pretty like a rainbow!  A rainbow with bad skin and brown teeth and constantly bloodshot eyes.   Wait, not a rainbow.  What's that other one?  A cigarette!  Cameron Diaz is pretty like a cigarette!