By Lex July 08, 2014 @ 1:51 PM
After dating Bradley Cooper, Alex Rodriguez, Sean Combs, and reports of boning billionaire Elon Musk, Cameron took a good look in the mirror and saw what we all saw, it’s time to start dating the less successful Madden brother. Fuck, it happens to us all at some point. The willingness to pretend the suburban rock dude with tattoo issues is our first pick. I don’t care how rich and famous you are, 41 and fair complected is still 41 and fair complected. Life is unfair. I mean, if you’re a woman. Older men in Hollywood are still dating the 20-something versions of Cameron Diaz. Damn you, double standards.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash, FameFlynet
By Lex July 07, 2014 @ 8:24 AM
In this month’s Esquire magazine, Cameron Diaz announced for the tenth time that she doesn’t want to be a mom and instantly became the weeping Jesus on the gas station wall for millions of childless by choice women. These anti-nesters are forever scorned for choosing Italian wine tasting vacations and 2-seat sports cars over the trial of shit-soaked diapers and shopping at Costco. Some women simply don’t want to be mothers. There can’t be anything immoral about that. Kids are murderous on the environment and likely responsible for global warming or global cooling or even the dreaded global ‘I think I should bring a sweatshirt’. Birth control is one of the fundamental building blocks to wealthier nations. Childless couples have far more free time to develop cures for cancer and learn how to ballroom dance. There are countless, or maybe about ten, other famous actresses who chose never to have kids. Most of them were lesbians, but Cameron Diaz is blazing her own hetero child-free path. As she breaks down barriers, she will create a culture where childless by choice women are no longer mocked for being super creepy close to their house pets. You want to put ointment on your cat’s vagina, God bless. We got Hondurans who can handle the next generation of jobs. We’re good.
By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 3:23 PM
Cameron Diaz is in the upcoming movie Sex Tape which my shit meter informs me is going to land between horrible and truly fucking horrible. It’s another one of those movies based on a modern social meme that comes out about five years after the meme stopped being fresh or relevant. Paris Hilton’s sex tape came out eleven years ago. Kim Kardashian was hog waddled in the tape her mom helped sell to Vivid back in 2007. Swingers were filming themselves back in the 80′s on Beta and VHS both. Cameron needs another few years of fallow before the A-Rod injections clear her system and she can stop shaving her mustache and pits. Until then, I’m sticking to reruns of The Mask on TNT.
Photo Credit: Esquire
By Travis April 30, 2014 @ 2:00 PM
Cameron Diaz still isn’t as funny as she thinks she is, and she also probably smells like the inside of a men’s locker room, but after her appearance on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live earlier this week, she at least earned a little bit of our respect back. While promoting her new film, The Other Woman, with her co-star who isn’t Kate Upton, Cameron admitted to host Andy Cohen that she has previously “swam in the lady pond,” which means that she has had sex with another woman. She didn’t elaborate on who it was or when it happened, but for the sake of just enjoying this idea, we’re going to assume that it happened at some point between The Mask and Something About Mary, with another young, attractive model, and definitely not with Drew Barrymore during the filming of Charlie’s Angels, which is probably the case.
By Travis April 25, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Kate Upton, Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann attended a screening of their new film, The Other Woman, in New York City last night, and I can say with very little doubt that this is one of the worst looks that Kate Upton has ever worn. Of course, her best looks have always been when she’s in a bikini and appearing to struggle against gravity to keep her breasts from crashing to the ground, but there’s just something extra unusual about this lesbian leopard look that the model was working with last night. And while I have nothing to back this up, my natural inclination is to believe that Cameron Diaz paid her money to look worse than usual, because Kate must have been making these poor women feel terrible about themselves during all of their appearances. When this movie debuts overseas, my money is on Kate showing up dressed like a farmer with a big, bushy fake beard. It still won’t make Cameron look better, but at least it’ll distract some people from her smell.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis April 24, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Now that Cameron Diaz is 41-years old, a lot of people are starting to focus on the fact that she isn’t married and that she’s never had kids, which is really unfair to her. After all, it’s not her fault that she didn’t jump all over and tie herself to any of the millions of men who would have murdered in her honor during her prime. She just never found the right man or never felt the urge to create life, and maybe all she wants to do is keep making terrible romantic comedies and twerk with giant panda bears on her Tonight Show appearances. However, there might be another reason that she’s single, as she revealed a very interesting hygiene note to E! News at the premiere of The Other Woman on Monday night.
“I don’t believe in antiperspirant. It’s really bad for you. I haven’t used it for almost 20 years. You’re stinky, because you use antiperspirant. It keeps all the stink in. Let it go and just trim your armpit hair so it doesn’t hold onto the scent.”
That’s really good advice, and I bet she looks forward to sharing it with no one in another 20 years.
Photo Credit: Getty