By Jack January 03, 2014 @ 3:59 PM
Cameron Diaz waxes rhapsodic about her hairy bush in her newly released health tome The Body Book. In a section called, “In Praise of Pubes”, the star discusses the trend among modern ladies of lasering off their muffs. Diaz says that she thinks that the idea of permanently removing off all of your pubic hair is crazy. After all, tastes change, don’t they? Perhaps the 70′s cuntfro will come back into style and then all of these girls with a hairless cat between their legs will feel out of place. Diaz then writes this brilliant defense of pubes as a way of providing foliage and mystery to the meat curtains,
“Pubic hair also serves as a pretty draping that makes it a little mysterious to the one who might be courting your sexiness. Pubes keep the goods private, which can entice a lover to come and take a closer look at what you have to offer. Also, let’s be honest: just like every other part of your body, your labia major is not immune to gravity. Consider leaving your vagina fully dressed, ladies. Twenty years from now, you will still want to be presenting it to someone special, and it would be nice to let him or her unwrap it like the gift that it is.”
This is perhaps the most important cultural issue of our day. There are a lot of guys I know who can’t handle any hair on the punani having spent too much time watching the shaved whores in modern porn. Others prefer the full Vanessa Del Rio. Diaz joins fellow 90′s hot person Gwyneth Paltrow in advocating a groomed but fuzzy twat. Maybe the hairy bush is A-OK for the mature ladies, but the younger gals aren’t going Rapunzel until they see it on the young stars of today. When Miley has beaver overflowing from her sheer body suits on stage, that’s when you’ll see millions of teeny boppers eschew the depilatories. And once again the awkward question of ‘Am I getting closer?’ will ring out from young men trying to get some in the backseats of cars across our great land.
By Travis December 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Here’s the trailer for The Other Woman, which stars Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann as two women who realize that other guys will always ignore them for Kate Upton. There might be more plot details, but I was distracted by the very manipulative use of slow motion while Kate is jogging on the beach. It’s the kind of scene that could stop some evil terrorists from blowing up the entire world, because just as they’re about to push the button on their arsenal of nukes, Kate would jog by in slow motion, and they’d realize that America had it right this whole time. Thanks for saving the world, Kate Upton’s breasts.
By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 1:03 PM
I can’t help but feel this The Other Woman movie is going to be one horrible shat of a comedy caper involving women getting back on a cheating man. I’m not sure why women find that empowering. But I guess it’s a thing. When I get misused by the opposite sex, i mostly just feel like eating condensed Campbell’s soup and watching the crappy Star Wars prequels to remind myself of how great things can so easily get fucked up. It’s possible women who seek revenge are more manly than me. Though Kate Upton in particular does not look very manly.
Photo Credit: INF
By Travis June 25, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton were filming another scene together for their new movie The Other Woman yesterday in Chinatown, and Cameron apparently didn’t take too kindly to people snapping photos. Kate, on the other hand, was polite, respectful and, most importantly, very attractive, so she should be commended for exhibiting better behavior than her much older counterpart.
And while it’s still a really bad decision on Cameron’s part to keep standing near a beautiful supermodel, Kate should at least take advantage of their time together by learning about important things like not aging and staying far away from women who make her look like a California Raisin.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
By Travis April 23, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
If Kate Upton aspires to be a serious actress someday, or, fuck it, even a decent one, she’s off to a pretty bad start. Her debut was in the awful Tower Heist and she followed that up with the even worse The Three Stooges, but those were both roles that mostly required her to stand around and look pretty and have huge breasts, so she can’t really be faulted.
But now she might actually get a chance to speak more than a few lines as, according to Vanity Fair, she’s in talks to join Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann in The Other Woman, in which she’ll play a girl who finds out that her man is actually married, so she teams up with Diaz and Mann to make him pay.
A lot of people like to complain about Kate’s success, saying that she’s not that hot or aside from her giant tits, her body isn’t that great. So this is a pretty smart move by the model, because if there’s one way to prove to people that you’re incredibly attractive, it’s standing next to Cameron Diaz.
By Lex April 10, 2013 @ 10:43 AM
If there’s two things A-Rod loves, it’s hormone doping and banging celebrity women. A-Rod has nailed an eclectic list of ladies, including Madonna, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, Torrie Wilson, a bunch of Latina dancers and strippers and his wife in there somewhere too. Rumor has it that A-Rod has quite the endless appetite for boning. Impressive for a dude addicted to a drug that makes your jimmies smaller.
According to reports, A-Rod’s latest conquest is a 20-something graduate student in The Dominican Republic. Maybe he’s honoring their win in the WBC or just shaking out his own national roots. Either way, this new girl best pay attention to what has happened to his previous conquests. They all look haggard. I’m going to go ahead and blame birth control for this. While men are built like honeybees to indiscriminately pollenate as many flowers as possible until they fall to the ground and get squished under a shoe, women are designed to blossom post-squirt. To become Kardashian large with child and tell their mate to go fuck a houseplant if he needs some because their store is closed. You block that natural sequence and suddenly A-Rod is ramming his pud into your backstop three times a day, seven days a week, all the however many weeks if not months of your whirlwind romance and you’re suddenly worn weary like the big town prostitute with a small town work ethic. Cameron Diaz used to sparkle before A-Rod. The day they broke up she looked like Ripley climbing into stasis with the ship’s cat at the end of Alien. Beware young Dominican student, the dick of death is upon you.
Here’s Cameron Diaz today, eighteen months after her last A-Rod at-bat, only now recovering her precious bodily fluids.
Photo Credit: INF, FameFlynet, Wenn