By brendon September 28, 2010 @ 3:15 PM
Like a dark ominous cloud over the sea rolling in the from the west, ‘Knight and Day’ had it’s Japanese premiere in Tokyo earlier today.
Tom Cruise scared some little kids (“Why his crothes so tight? No I no want see, he rook rike pervert!!”) but thanks to things like Gamera and Pokemon, Japanese kids think ugly monsters are friendly and here to protect them, so when Cameron Diaz arrived, she turned those frowns upside down.
By brendon August 16, 2010 @ 8:05 AM
These bikini pictures of Cameron Diaz, taken this weekend in Santa Barbara, were shot from a million miles away and they’re blurry and out of focus, but this is what she looks like in focus, so blurry is the only way to look at her without shrieking in horror. Maybe if she found a guy with severe cataracts she could keep a boyfriend for once.
(image source = flynet online)
Either my internet is broken or today is boring as hell. Either way, hey look, it’s the premiere of ‘the Green Hornet’ trailer, starring Seth Rogen.
Word on the street is that this movie was a complete mess in its early cut but it looks fine here. Most people on the internet aren’t smart enough to have thoughtful opinions so if something isn’t completely wonderful they say it’s the biggest piece of shit ever, but it’s okay to have movies like this or ‘the A-Team’. It’s okay to simply be an entertaining movie with cool shit going on. Not everything has to be ‘Schindler’s List’ for fucks sake. Rogen is cool, Jay Chou is cool, and it even has Christoph Waltz. Unfortunately it also has Cameron Diaz, and as a general rule I’d rather watch a swallowing themed gang bang porn starring my daughter than The Greatest Movie Ever starring Cameron Diaz.
By brendon June 17, 2010 @ 11:10 AM
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that Megan Fox doesnt have to scour the countryside to find someone, anyone, to have sex with her. Not only does Cameron Diaz have to do that, but she seems to think it’s some badge of honor. The Sun says…
“Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love.
“It’s not unusual in this business – my lifestyle demands it.
“I’m always traveling for cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”
And Cameron didn’t leave it there.
“I’m primal on an animalistic level, kind of like, ‘Bonk me over the head, throw me over your shoulder. You man, me woman.’
“Not everybody has the right kind of primal thing for me… I love physical contact.
“I have to be touching my lover, like, always. It’s not optional.”
I don’t feel so good all of a sudden. This would be a terrific story if Jessica Alba were the one telling it, but Cameron Diaz looks like she just punched her way out of a grave. I’d rather fuck Jessica Albas shoe than Cameron Diaz.
CAMERON DIAZ – is in a bikini in Hawaii. Is she as fug and pale and flat chested as she seems? Let’s find out together my friend! (the sun)
AL GORE – filed for divorce recently, and now Star says he’s been having a two year affair with the ex-wife of Larry David. When asked for a comment, Bill Clinton nodded proudly. (star)
BIG BOI – has released a second single from his next record, and after I become a UFC fighter this will totally be my entrance music. (youtube)
CAMILA ALVES – and her husband Matthew McConaughey (image not available) walked around New York yesterday, and she’s actually not that great looking. It’s weird. And yet here I am, not caring. (splash news online)
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Deuteronomy 2:25 says,
“This very day I will begin to put the terror and fear of you on all the nations under heaven. They will hear reports of you and will tremble and be in anguish because of you.”
I don’t have a phone number for Cameron Diaz but if I did I would call her and leave that message after watching the 2010 MTV Movie Awards. God this bitch is ugly. You really have to witness it full size to really experience the paralysis of fear one suffers when they see her blotchy skin, misshapen face and cloudy zombie eyes. And every time I see her she’s 10 times uglier than the time before. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.