Do we ever send anyone good down to Mexico? Or is it just fug, out of shape whores like Cameron Diaz (who was there again this weekend with Alex Rodriguez), Jennifer Aniston, Chelsea Handler, Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan? I’m pleasantly surprised they haven’t declared war on us at this point.
I take sole responsibility and 100 percent of the credit for the demise of Kirsten Snaggletooth Dunst, and now I hope Cameron Diaz can be the next to go because are you god damn kidding me? She still looks mostly human in movies but when you see her live, like yesterday at the Green Hornet premiere, she’s a damn monster. She’s so hideously ugly and annoying, if I were in a horrible car wreck and the car was on fire and I saw Cameron running to help, I’d summon my last ounce of strength to lock the doors and turn up the radio.
I guess the Daily Mail was the first to point this out, but Cameron Diaz is 5’9″ and Tom Cruise is 5’7″. And earlier this week she wore 4 inch heels to the Japanese premiere of ‘Knight and Day’. And yet…
Give Cruise credit though, because the lifts in his shoes and the extra high soles are very subtle. I guess when you’re short you have to do this kind of thing. I wouldn’t know of course because I’m a rugged 6’5″, an adventurous hunk who lives for danger, as if you couldn’t tell by my shark tooth necklace and snug-fit safari shorts.
Like a dark ominous cloud over the sea rolling in the from the west, ‘Knight and Day’ had it’s Japanese premiere in Tokyo earlier today.
Tom Cruise scared some little kids (“Why his crothes so tight? No I no want see, he rook rike pervert!!”) but thanks to things like Gamera and Pokemon, Japanese kids think ugly monsters are friendly and here to protect them, so when Cameron Diaz arrived, she turned those frowns upside down.
These bikini pictures of Cameron Diaz, taken this weekend in Santa Barbara, were shot from a million miles away and they’re blurry and out of focus, but this is what she looks like in focus, so blurry is the only way to look at her without shrieking in horror. Maybe if she found a guy with severe cataracts she could keep a boyfriend for once.
(image source = flynet online)
Either my internet is broken or today is boring as hell. Either way, hey look, it’s the premiere of ‘the Green Hornet’ trailer, starring Seth Rogen.
Word on the street is that this movie was a complete mess in its early cut but it looks fine here. Most people on the internet aren’t smart enough to have thoughtful opinions so if something isn’t completely wonderful they say it’s the biggest piece of shit ever, but it’s okay to have movies like this or ‘the A-Team’. It’s okay to simply be an entertaining movie with cool shit going on. Not everything has to be ‘Schindler’s List’ for fucks sake. Rogen is cool, Jay Chou is cool, and it even has Christoph Waltz. Unfortunately it also has Cameron Diaz, and as a general rule I’d rather watch a swallowing themed gang bang porn starring my daughter than The Greatest Movie Ever starring Cameron Diaz.