Cara Delevingne In A Bikini

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 2:03 PM

Cara Delevingne Poses In A Bikini For John Hardy
This chick is really starting to grow on me. Even her Grandpa Munster eyebrows that once repulsed me are now starting to look like solid points of focus when trying to last longer. I don’t know if it’s because she’s now tasted the essence of several leading ladies or the fact that I looked her up and she comes from money, but I’d probably let her be my abusively obnoxious girlfriend for a while. I’m feeling heroic.

Photo Credit: John Hardy

Cara Delevingne Porks Herself

By Matt September 11, 2014 @ 6:08 AM

Cara

Cara Delevingne got the word Bacon tattooed onto her foot because only a free-spirited model would do such a kooky thing. Cara is very much caught up in the bacon everything craze gripping the Western world of pre-diabetic millennials. There’s a solid chance Cara eats nothing but cotton balls and other model pussy and is blatantly playing this up for Internet cool points. It’s also possible she’s got a freaky metabolism that scoffs at bacons and feels the need to rub it in the faces of every chick who is munching kale stems and still can’t fit into their jeans. Hot chicks sometimes do that.

This over the top bacon fad has been growing tiresome for months now. The young generation used to be passionate about ending war and advancing civil rights. Now they feel the need to prove they eat a ton of bacon. There was a time when doing something that seemed cool but had been done by a million other people was no longer actually cool. Thanks Facebook. You’ve ruined everything.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Cara Delevingne Is The Lestat of Lesbians

By Lex August 15, 2014 @ 2:22 PM

Cara Delevingne Celebrates Her Birthday In A Bikini On A Yacht In Ibiza
I don’t want to get too many rainbow painted eggs thrown at my house-car this weekend, but I’m pretty convinced that hot models can swing both ways as a matter of current fashion, while gay men are just born loving belts and cock. This leaves a lot of room for Michelle Rodriguez and her chief lesbian vampire lieutenant Cara Delevingne to roam the earth in search of mortal vagina. And they’re good at it too. Just look at this confident craftsman on board her vessel with a cigarette in her mouth and a big gay conquest plan in her heart.

Not every woman who has an inkling for scissor kissing needs the kind of boot camp Cara provides, but if you’re having doubts in your heart, toot, fucking toot, she’ll be picking your ass up on the Lesbian Polar Express to make you believe. The first gift of Christmas is going to be her legs wrapped around your face. And, no, Missy, that’s not hot cocoa.

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash

Cara Delevingne Is Aloof

By Matt July 28, 2014 @ 7:39 AM

Cara

Cara Delevingne thought it would be a good idea to wear a fur coat to Leonardo DiCaprio’s environmental fundraiser aimed at protecting animals and the environment. Actually she probably didn’t think about anything, because she can do whatever the fuck she wants. She could drape herself in a Palestinian flag and walk into a kosher deli and get a free sandwich. Nobody’s going to tell her when she’s behaving inappropriately, because chicks don’t often blow guys who make them realize they are idiots. DiCaprio probably does actually care about the environment, but would definitely club a baby seal to death for a chance at getting in her bisexual box.

It looks like the jacket was made of rabbits, which are not endangered and can multiply quickly enough to take over the world, if they weren’t dumb fucking rabbits. Still you wouldn’t wear a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt to an NAACP fundraiser, its just not a good look. The move confirms my suspicion that most people involved in charity don’t really give a shit about the cause as much as their own self image. Delevingne is probably off to cry about the elephants and then purchase some Congolese ivory to fashion dildos for her lesbian model droids.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Wet Lesbianism Day Two

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 10:41 AM

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Go For A Swim In St Tropez
I remember what I got for my 22nd birthday. An eviction notice. Selena Gomez got herself some new tits, a lesbian mentor, and a ride on a billionaire’s yacht. Given the option, I would have taken the lesbian tits on a boat thing too.

As somebody who’s documented lots of girls having sex together via the Internet, I can tell you this thing always starts with girls jumping off high ledges into the water. It’s a lesbian initiation ritual. Some kind of vagina-on-vagina baptism of giggles and screams. I bet you won’t jump, Selena. I bet you won’t touch my boobs under my bikini. It happens that fast. Next thing you know you’re wearing toe rings and exploring Indigo Girls deep tracks on iTunes. Given that Selena lost her cherry to Justin Bieber, she can really only work her way up the sexual food chain. Scissor kissing young euro models doesn’t seem too horrible. I just hope they’re running tape on this.

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet

Selena Gomez Is a Lesbian Now

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 7:29 AM

Selena-Gomez-and-Cara-Delevingne

Lesbians are the new revenge fuck. It used to be when a girl wanted to drive home a point with her cheating ex, she’d fuck some handsome tool or maybe even her ex’s buddy if she had a bit of sinister in her. Now it’s lesbian thunkenmunchers. It’s the indisputable implication that you’re getting what he could never give you. Michelle Rodriguez or one of her scissor kissing coven like Cara Delevingne are always up for a game of I ruined your girlfriend. All you need is a yacht, some champagne, and a broken heart. Crank up the Tegan & Sara and set a course for adventure!

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, INFphoto.com