By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:47 AM
The fashion industry is going to torturous lengths to pretend that Kendall Jenner is booking big gigs on modeling talent alone. I’m not even sure what the hell modeling talent is beyond being tall and slender and willing to blow uncircumcised social influencers from the Czech Republic. Kendall is going to similar lengths to pretend that all the catty model bitches aren’t calling her names and replacing her lip balm with Valtrex creme when she isn’t looking. Total classic.
I would see rumors of girls bullying me backstage and putting cigarettes out in my drink, and none of that has happened. Everyone’s been really cool to me. I’ve never had one girl be mean … so far.
It could be Kendall’s new found relationship with lesbian crotch huntress Cara Delevingne providing her butch protection backstage. The only way to stave off throngs of starving jealous models is with fire. Literally. Wave a fucking torch and tell those bitches how shitty they look in tinder light. They’ll scurry back to their SoHo lofts and suck on cotton balls until they pass their own shrunken livers. Don’t hate the player, ladies, hate the game.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Cara flashing her panties while hanging with Kendall Jenner in lesbian London:
By Lex September 30, 2014 @ 11:10 AM
Gay vampire fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld decided it’d be super chic to use a protest theme for his latest line of fashion perfect for the woman running a fragrance empire in a 1970′s. Protests are very popular these days. War torn populations begging for basic human rights, starving throngs demanding the overthrow of corrupt governments, and recently deflowered clove smoking girls cruising the catwalk in Paris hawking pricey shmata. No one group owns the right to assemble in protest.
Kendall Jenner and Cara Delevingne carried on their protest march theme even after leaving the show mostly because nobody rebooted their analog programming. They converted the mock fashion show protest into a real live social activation on Twitter by hashtagging Free the Nipple, that online campaign designed to give middle aged men more things to whack off to at their computers. Kendall Jenner officially graduated from being just an uneducated walking mannequin to an uneducated walking mannequin having Cara Delevingne go down on her in the back of a car. Hashtag Fuck High School if you know what I’m saying.
Photo Credit: INF
By Matt September 25, 2014 @ 8:52 AM
Cara Delevingne posted a photo of her naked tit next to some guy who is pretending to be gay in a futile angle aimed at banging her. This was in support of an internet campaign aimed at ridding the nation of laws which criminalize women for going topless in public. You know how our prisons are packed with models being arrested for flashing their tits in public. If men can be topless in public, then why can’t women with tiny boyish tits do the same? I tend to agree with her, although I’d trade in a few peeks at heavyset topless female protestor boobs if men who insist on jogging without their shirts on would be incarcerated for obvious ladylike vanity.
Delevingne has recently become politically aware and included some regurgitated feminist empowerment in her post:
“Just thought you should know every single Senate Republican just voted against equal pay for women.”
For those of you who get your news from slow witted twenty year old models this should come as a shock. Some will no doubt commend Delevingne for voicing her opinion, but I am going to salute the person feeding her this shit. Based on conjecture it seems she is banging her first grad student and he is really working her over the coals with his thick sweater and designer non prescription glasses liberal schtick. It’s a good angle and every chick needs a few specialty fucks in their lifetime, but this guy’s incessant buzz killing will soon become tiresome, plus he’s fucking poor and doesn’t even own a yacht.
Photo Credit: Instagram (above) / Allure magazine (below)
Photo Credit: Allure
By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 2:03 PM
This chick is really starting to grow on me. Even her Grandpa Munster eyebrows that once repulsed me are now starting to look like solid points of focus when trying to last longer. I don’t know if it’s because she’s now tasted the essence of several leading ladies or the fact that I looked her up and she comes from money, but I’d probably let her be my abusively obnoxious girlfriend for a while. I’m feeling heroic.
Photo Credit: John Hardy
By Matt September 11, 2014 @ 6:08 AM
Cara Delevingne got the word Bacon tattooed onto her foot because only a free-spirited model would do such a kooky thing. Cara is very much caught up in the bacon everything craze gripping the Western world of pre-diabetic millennials. There’s a solid chance Cara eats nothing but cotton balls and other model pussy and is blatantly playing this up for Internet cool points. It’s also possible she’s got a freaky metabolism that scoffs at bacons and feels the need to rub it in the faces of every chick who is munching kale stems and still can’t fit into their jeans. Hot chicks sometimes do that.
This over the top bacon fad has been growing tiresome for months now. The young generation used to be passionate about ending war and advancing civil rights. Now they feel the need to prove they eat a ton of bacon. There was a time when doing something that seemed cool but had been done by a million other people was no longer actually cool. Thanks Facebook. You’ve ruined everything.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex August 15, 2014 @ 2:22 PM
I don’t want to get too many rainbow painted eggs thrown at my house-car this weekend, but I’m pretty convinced that hot models can swing both ways as a matter of current fashion, while gay men are just born loving belts and cock. This leaves a lot of room for Michelle Rodriguez and her chief lesbian vampire lieutenant Cara Delevingne to roam the earth in search of mortal vagina. And they’re good at it too. Just look at this confident craftsman on board her vessel with a cigarette in her mouth and a big gay conquest plan in her heart.
Not every woman who has an inkling for scissor kissing needs the kind of boot camp Cara provides, but if you’re having doubts in your heart, toot, fucking toot, she’ll be picking your ass up on the Lesbian Polar Express to make you believe. The first gift of Christmas is going to be her legs wrapped around your face. And, no, Missy, that’s not hot cocoa.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash