Cara Delevingne Consoles

By Lex April 24, 2015 @ 9:32 AM

Miley-Cyrus-Gets-Over-Her-Ex-insta
Prodigious pussy hound Cara Delevingne inserts herself into the arms of rebounding celebrity chicks lighting style quick. She’s got some hidden network of pneumatic tubes built under the earth’s mantle that can deliver her talented fingers anywhere in the world in eleven seconds. Elon Musk is still thirty years from this same technology. Pop. Out come the eyebrows just in time to console Miley Cyrus who was getting loaded and making out with her friends. To Catch a Predator stuffed animal. Check. Lesbian rings of power. Check. Pull Miley close to your bosom and work up some tears. There’s celebrity snatch to be had. No man on the planet has this game.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Cara Delevingne Just Eye Fucked Your Woman

By Lex April 02, 2015 @ 8:56 AM

Cara Delevingne Topless Covered
This voracious lesbian vampire is using commercial media to lure in her winding waiting line of snatches. She’s goddamn unstoppable. Guys love to say they’d be a lesbian if they were a chick because it sounds incredibly less gay on the back end of an opening of ‘if I were a woman’. As tough as you have it as a man finding women, imagine the playing field when only some relatively small percentage of chicks will even allow for girl girl love. You need to work that much harder and that much smarter. This model might look semi-lucid, but if she ever documented her methods, you’d see charts and formulae and Pareto curves and beakers bubbling with pheromone compounds beyond the comprehension of Harvard scientists. They walk among us. This chick is fingering all the good ones.

Photo Credit: Vogue/Yves Saint Laurent

Cara Delevingne Squeezes Between Suki and Georgia

By Lex March 10, 2015 @ 7:22 AM

Suki-Waterhoue-Cara-Delevingne-Georgie-May-Jagger-Naked-in-Vogue

This Delevingne chick is moving fast. We concede any more women to this carpet munching Nosferatu and there will be none left to dance around the maypole. Bradley Cooper, this is your barely legal girlfriend. Mick Jagger, inexplicably this is your daughter. Tainted for eternity by the love whose name we dare not speak. Delevingne’s stevedored more vagina grease this past week than most men garner in a lifetime. Decent men. Men who deserve the love of a good woman. The world got together and stopped Swedish pop quartets, I think we can end the Sapphic reign of terror of this scissor kissing 120-pound blue blood. Strap her in a Lecter mask before she licks another.

Photo credit: Vogue.com

Cara Delevingne Working Kendall and Kylie

By Lex February 06, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

Cara Delevingne Gets Close To Two Kardashians For Love Magazine Solve Sundsbo
This savvy vagina hunter is barely lifting a finger these days. Her snatch is aerosolizing scents programmed to intoxicate illiterate young women within a thirty click radius. Her kill list reads like the VIP rolls inside the Hollywood Red Tent. It must be some kind of bet she has going. Nobody loves high maintenance pussy this much.

Photo Credit: Solve Sundsbo for Love Magazine

Kim Kardashian Not Done

By Matt February 05, 2015 @ 6:45 AM

KK

Kim Kardashian is showing her bare tits and ass in another magazine and McDonald’s still carries the quarter pounder. The photos were leaked on Twitter by someone instructed to do so as a member of Kim’s entourage paid in followers. The issue of Love magazine is guest edited by Cara Delevingne which means she’s able to point and answer questions by blinking. She also interviews Kim if you want to read it while doing your taxes and then go pull a Falling Down. Kim has no eyebrows and desperately wants you to know why. I’d posit she’s out of ideas. Her ass is a distorted but appears to resemble a hopalong who gives tours of the Grand Canyon during the icy months. That’s when they store fat. It’s almost like the crack is too long and she’d need to floss it with a bath towel. Brilliant photography. We need more art school graduates.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Cara Delevingne Bags a Willis

By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 11:50 AM

Cara Delevingne And Rumer Willis Enjoy Girls Night Out At West Hollywood
Cara Delevingne is rapid tonguing her way through disaffected young female Hollywood. I can’t remember which Willis girl Rumer is. The one who looks like Bruce, drinks like a fish, and hasn’t worked in a decade. Fuck, I can’t narrow it down. Rumer left a bar in West Hollywood holding hands with this unquenchable lesbian vampire. Holding hands in WeHo doesn’t mean the two of them are mere moments away from an after party of vanilla candles and poetic fisting. Traffic in L.A. sucks even at night. It could easily take half-an-hour.

Photo Credit:Coleman-Rayner