Cara Delevingne Is The Lestat of Lesbians

By Lex August 15, 2014 @ 2:22 PM

Cara Delevingne Celebrates Her Birthday In A Bikini On A Yacht In Ibiza
I don’t want to get too many rainbow painted eggs thrown at my house-car this weekend, but I’m pretty convinced that hot models can swing both ways as a matter of current fashion, while gay men are just born loving belts and cock. This leaves a lot of room for Michelle Rodriguez and her chief lesbian vampire lieutenant Cara Delevingne to roam the earth in search of mortal vagina. And they’re good at it too. Just look at this confident craftsman on board her vessel with a cigarette in her mouth and a big gay conquest plan in her heart.

Not every woman who has an inkling for scissor kissing needs the kind of boot camp Cara provides, but if you’re having doubts in your heart, toot, fucking toot, she’ll be picking your ass up on the Lesbian Polar Express to make you believe. The first gift of Christmas is going to be her legs wrapped around your face. And, no, Missy, that’s not hot cocoa.

Photo Credit:, Splash

Cara Delevingne Is Aloof

By Matt July 28, 2014 @ 7:39 AM


Cara Delevingne thought it would be a good idea to wear a fur coat to Leonardo DiCaprio’s environmental fundraiser aimed at protecting animals and the environment. Actually she probably didn’t think about anything, because she can do whatever the fuck she wants. She could drape herself in a Palestinian flag and walk into a kosher deli and get a free sandwich. Nobody’s going to tell her when she’s behaving inappropriately, because chicks don’t often blow guys who make them realize they are idiots. DiCaprio probably does actually care about the environment, but would definitely club a baby seal to death for a chance at getting in her bisexual box.

It looks like the jacket was made of rabbits, which are not endangered and can multiply quickly enough to take over the world, if they weren’t dumb fucking rabbits. Still you wouldn’t wear a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt to an NAACP fundraiser, its just not a good look. The move confirms my suspicion that most people involved in charity don’t really give a shit about the cause as much as their own self image. Delevingne is probably off to cry about the elephants and then purchase some Congolese ivory to fashion dildos for her lesbian model droids.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Wet Lesbianism Day Two

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 10:41 AM

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Go For A Swim In St Tropez
I remember what I got for my 22nd birthday. An eviction notice. Selena Gomez got herself some new tits, a lesbian mentor, and a ride on a billionaire’s yacht. Given the option, I would have taken the lesbian tits on a boat thing too.

As somebody who’s documented lots of girls having sex together via the Internet, I can tell you this thing always starts with girls jumping off high ledges into the water. It’s a lesbian initiation ritual. Some kind of vagina-on-vagina baptism of giggles and screams. I bet you won’t jump, Selena. I bet you won’t touch my boobs under my bikini. It happens that fast. Next thing you know you’re wearing toe rings and exploring Indigo Girls deep tracks on iTunes. Given that Selena lost her cherry to Justin Bieber, she can really only work her way up the sexual food chain. Scissor kissing young euro models doesn’t seem too horrible. I just hope they’re running tape on this.

Photo Credit:, FameFlynet

Selena Gomez Is a Lesbian Now

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 7:29 AM


Lesbians are the new revenge fuck. It used to be when a girl wanted to drive home a point with her cheating ex, she’d fuck some handsome tool or maybe even her ex’s buddy if she had a bit of sinister in her. Now it’s lesbian thunkenmunchers. It’s the indisputable implication that you’re getting what he could never give you. Michelle Rodriguez or one of her scissor kissing coven like Cara Delevingne are always up for a game of I ruined your girlfriend. All you need is a yacht, some champagne, and a broken heart. Crank up the Tegan & Sara and set a course for adventure!

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News,

Cara Delevingne’s Vagina Rebounds

By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 1:02 PM

Cara Delevinge Topless And Covered In Bali
I can’t imagine what it’s like to have Michelle Rodriguez drunk and crocodile death rolling on your clit for six months without intermission. I’m guessing when she finally comes up for air and announces she’s moving on to dark meat, you feel like you need a vacation. Nobody said being a bisexual young fashion model with a trust fund was going to be easy. Cara Delevingne took off for Bali, sharing her respite with her fans through a series of semi-nude and insipid inspirational slogan photos on Instagram. Her message really hasn’t changed much to young girls: try to be really good looking and come from money. If that’s not possible, you’re going to want to post uncensored photos.

Photo Credit: Cara Delevingne/Instagram

Michelle Rodriguez And Cara Delevingne Might Be Done With Their Lesbian Bliss

By Travis May 12, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Michelle Rodriguez flew solo at her big lesbian party

Hollywood’s hardest partying bisexual Michelle Rodriguez was a guest of honor at the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center’s 2014 “An Evening with Women” on Saturday, but she appeared to be flying solo without her latest girlfriend, Cara Delevingne. Is there trouble in paradise already with these two young lovers? According to the Daily Mail, there might be and it’s all because Cara can’t stop flirting with everyone she meets, guy or girl, and that makes Michelle angrier than she already seems every moment of her life. The rumor makes sense, because not only have we not seen Michelle and Cara together in weeks, but this event comes right on the heels of Michelle being carried out of a London club by herself. I remember a happier time when Michelle and Cara would be carried out of bars together so they could stare lovingly into each other’s glazed over eyes and look like they were about to throw up in each other’s mouths.

Photo Credits: Getty