Lia Marie Johnson Turns Eighteen And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 21, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Turning eighteen means many things to many different people. When you’re a social media creation, it means it’s time to go offline and start doing shoots that show off your tits.

Lia Marie Johnson shows off her youthful boobage for your viewing pleasure. (Egotastic)

Shahs of Sunset slut Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi has some giant fake titties. (TMZ)

Theo Huxtable comes to Bill Cosby’s defense because of the pudding on the face. (Huffington Post)

Miranda Kerr in lingerie makes my wiener happy. (Popoholic)

Chick with a dick Alexis Arquette discusses Jared Leto’s gorgeous cock. (Dlisted)

Charlotte McKinney eats burgers sexily for Carl’s Junior. (COED)

Cara Delevingne Has the Gift

By Lex January 21, 2015 @ 8:56 AM

Selena Gomez Touches Cara Delevingnes Chest
This is like some lesbian vampire Catherine Deneuve power that Cara Delevingne has over other women. Even now my vagina juices race through your blood compelling you to obey. I don’t care how many albums you sold, touch my titties, slave. It’s uncanny really. At some point Spade and Valderrama and Ray J are going to need to convene a priestly counsel and figure out to send this chick back to Hades before she leaves them only jaded scraps.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Getty

Cara Delevingne Snatches Up Kendall Jenner

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 10:49 AM

Kendall Jenner & Cara Delevingne Go Hiking At Runyon Canyon Park
Who hasn’t this British socialite model chick girl banged yet in Hollywood? That’s not a criticism, that’s a cry of jealousy across genders and vaginas. She finds troubled young female celebrities and before they can cry about their dads becoming moppas, she has her fur in their face finishing them like a DIY bird’s nest with a fine sand paper. She’s good. She’s very good. She’s moving in with Kendall Jenner after spending the holidays grinding the Bieber completely out of Selena Gomez. If she ripped off a fine latex mask and David Spade appeared, I’d just nod my head knowingly.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Cara Delevingne Plays Scissor Kissing Santa for Selena Gomez

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 6:55 AM

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Cara Delevingne has been cutting through young Hollywood emo girls like a hot knife through labia butter. Gay movie vampires don’t have this kind of success in building their immortal families. The five bells of Ellen must’ve sounded in lesbian HQ when Selena Gomez started busting up over her breakup with the one true love Canadian midget. An hour later Cara Delevingne is air dropping into Texasto stay with Selena at her mom’s place for Christmas. Selena’s mom is the one in the photo seven years older than Selena.

According to TMZ, which like Superman, is incapable of lying and also knows shit about sports:

Selena and Cara hit up North Park Mall in Dallas, where they paraded around Victoria’s Secret … where they shopped for bras. They then made a beeline for Nordstrom, where they held hands and Cara slapped Selena’s ass.

You could tell me how girls naturally have much more intimate friendships with each other than men do. So I could tell you Delevingne is vagina boxing the sadness right out of Selena the minute mom turns out the lights at night. Delevingne is a rich heiress model from England. She didn’t jet 5,000 miles and skip her family Christmas because she loves the cheese on a stick at the North Park Mall food court. These two are doing it. Just like they were on that yacht over the summer. And God bless them. Hackers, give up the ghost on the shitty Sony emails and get on what has to be some hot lesbo iPhone candids n Dallas.

Photo credit: Instagram

Is Kendall Jenner Being Bullied Into Lesbian Sex? (Fuck, That’s An Awesome Title)

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:47 AM

Cara-Delevingne-Holding-Kendall-Jenner-for-Love-Magazine

The fashion industry is going to torturous lengths to pretend that Kendall Jenner is booking big gigs on modeling talent alone. I’m not even sure what the hell modeling talent is beyond being tall and slender and willing to blow uncircumcised social influencers from the Czech Republic. Kendall is going to similar lengths to pretend that all the catty model bitches aren’t calling her names and replacing her lip balm with Valtrex creme when she isn’t looking. Total classic.

I would see rumors of girls bullying me backstage and putting cigarettes out in my drink, and none of that has happened. Everyone’s been really cool to me. I’ve never had one girl be mean … so far.

It could be Kendall’s new found relationship with lesbian crotch huntress Cara Delevingne providing her butch protection backstage. The only way to stave off throngs of starving jealous models is with fire. Literally. Wave a fucking torch and tell those bitches how shitty they look in tinder light. They’ll scurry back to their SoHo lofts and suck on cotton balls until they pass their own shrunken livers. Don’t hate the player, ladies, hate the game.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Cara flashing her panties while hanging with Kendall Jenner in lesbian London:

Kendall Jenner Tits Becoming Influential

By Lex September 30, 2014 @ 11:10 AM

Kendall Jenner Shows Underboob During Fashion Show And Holds Up Signs After In Paris
Gay vampire fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld decided it’d be super chic to use a protest theme for his latest line of fashion perfect for the woman running a fragrance empire in a 1970′s. Protests are very popular these days. War torn populations begging for basic human rights, starving throngs demanding the overthrow of corrupt governments, and recently deflowered clove smoking girls cruising the catwalk in Paris hawking pricey shmata. No one group owns the right to assemble in protest.

Kendall Jenner and Cara Delevingne carried on their protest march theme even after leaving the show mostly because nobody rebooted their analog programming. They converted the mock fashion show protest into a real live social activation on Twitter by hashtagging Free the Nipple, that online campaign designed to give middle aged men more things to whack off to at their computers. Kendall Jenner officially graduated from being just an uneducated walking mannequin to an uneducated walking mannequin having Cara Delevingne go down on her in the back of a car. Hashtag Fuck High School if you know what I’m saying.

Photo Credit: INF