This savvy vagina hunter is barely lifting a finger these days. Her snatch is aerosolizing scents programmed to intoxicate illiterate young women within a thirty click radius. Her kill list reads like the VIP rolls inside the Hollywood Red Tent. It must be some kind of bet she has going. Nobody loves high maintenance pussy this much.
Kim Kardashian is showing her bare tits and ass in another magazine and McDonald’s still carries the quarter pounder. The photos were leaked on Twitter by someone instructed to do so as a member of Kim’s entourage paid in followers. The issue of Love magazine is guest edited by Cara Delevingne which means she’s able to point and answer questions by blinking. She also interviews Kim if you want to read it while doing your taxes and then go pull a Falling Down. Kim has no eyebrows and desperately wants you to know why. I’d posit she’s out of ideas. Her ass is a distorted but appears to resemble a hopalong who gives tours of the Grand Canyon during the icy months. That’s when they store fat. It’s almost like the crack is too long and she’d need to floss it with a bath towel. Brilliant photography. We need more art school graduates.
Photo Credit: Twitter
Cara Delevingne is rapid tonguing her way through disaffected young female Hollywood. I can’t remember which Willis girl Rumer is. The one who looks like Bruce, drinks like a fish, and hasn’t worked in a decade. Fuck, I can’t narrow it down. Rumer left a bar in West Hollywood holding hands with this unquenchable lesbian vampire. Holding hands in WeHo doesn’t mean the two of them are mere moments away from an after party of vanilla candles and poetic fisting. Traffic in L.A. sucks even at night. It could easily take half-an-hour.
The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It’s a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop for their selfies as he gave them a few bars of his new sad song about when cock goes flaccid. Kim and Khloe just sighed, while Kendall and Cara finger banged each other and promised their love would be forever. Then somebody made a joke about it being a school night and everybody laughed and queefed.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Turning eighteen means many things to many different people. When you’re a social media creation, it means it’s time to go offline and start doing shoots that show off your tits.
Lia Marie Johnson shows off her youthful boobage for your viewing pleasure. (Egotastic)
Shahs of Sunset slut Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi has some giant fake titties. (TMZ)
Theo Huxtable comes to Bill Cosby’s defense because of the pudding on the face. (Huffington Post)
Miranda Kerr in lingerie makes my wiener happy. (Popoholic)
Chick with a dick Alexis Arquette discusses Jared Leto’s gorgeous cock. (Dlisted)
Charlotte McKinney eats burgers sexily for Carl’s Junior. (COED)
This is like some lesbian vampire Catherine Deneuve power that Cara Delevingne has over other women. Even now my vagina juices race through your blood compelling you to obey. I don’t care how many albums you sold, touch my titties, slave. It’s uncanny really. At some point Spade and Valderrama and Ray J are going to need to convene a priestly counsel and figure out to send this chick back to Hades before she leaves them only jaded scraps.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Getty