By Lex May 19, 2015 @ 12:38 PM
The AIDS parties really are the best. I don’t mean those popup street fairs where HIV positive rogues gang rape a newbie into the club. Those are amusing but with a tinge of regret. I mean the big dress up events where rich people slap down thousands for a ticket to see famous people flash their tits in a room full of men that couldn’t give a shit. There has to be a place in this world where Carmen Electra can go and still get applause. It’s The AIDS galas and battle carriers at sea. At only one of those venues can she return the dress for a full refund.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex March 05, 2015 @ 12:36 PM
Any time Carmen Electra posts bikini pictures of herself, the media raves about how she looks as good as she did in her Baywatch days in the late 90′s. It’s a tacit reminder about how she hasn’t worked in seventeen years. I’d rather look shitty and have people talk about how I must look shitty because I’m working so hard. Which isn’t the reason, but with a few bucks to a PR firm it could be spun. Carmen Electra is trapped. Though trapped with nice tits isn’t so bad if you own a bath.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 12:51 PM
Everybody calls themselves a DJ, but how many can actually score a sweet gig spinning the tunes in Uruguay? That’s the 2015 version of being big in Japan. It’s unclear whether Carmen Electra brought her own iPod or one was provided for her on landing. What is clear is that between the DJ gig and later working the jerry rigged stripper pole at an open iron ore mine, Carmen will be coming back home with half a million Uruguayan pesos in her pocket. Or six dollars at the LAX currency office after conversion.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex October 28, 2014 @ 11:19 AM
I can’t help but feel Svedka Vodka selected the economy package for their Halloween holiday advertising campaign. Carmen Electra homaging Katy Perry in somebody’s kitchen means Svedka isn’t serious about switching me from Ketel One when choosing vodkas to get high on while answering the door for Chinese plastic smelling Clone Wars troopers on the 31st. Cupcake bras and knobby knees aren’t sexy, they just make me want to pound cheap…. wait a minute. Brilliant.
Photo Credit: Michael Simon
By Matt October 21, 2014 @ 6:32 AM
Carmen Electra appeared on Oprah’s “Where Are They Now?” and talked about her marriage to Dennis Rodman and some other shit that even Oprah couldn’t pretend to care about any more. Getting screen time is a bitch these days, so why not dredge up some old gossip for a younger generation of unemployed single parents and stay at home chardonnay drinking divorcees who can still locate Oprah on their Magnavox floor units.
“Our relationship was very passionate. When it was good, it was amazing. And when it was bad, it was the worst.”
Often times gigantic cross-dressing manic depressive alcoholics are a bit volatile. Few people needed this update, but the subject matter is neither here nor there. Electra wants you to know she is still a hot piece of ass and is available for acting in the role of escort or real escort work if the price is right. Naturally, Oprah gets a taste. If this were charity, she’d build another rape school in Africa.
By Lex September 10, 2014 @ 11:17 AM
I’ve been waiting for something interesting to happen at the New York Fashion Week. Like a Sarah Jessica Parker shooting spree or Michelle Rodriguez caught finger banging the mayor’s lesbian wife. But nothing. I understand fasion is supposed to appear inane to my sensibilities as an individual approximating the ultimate male. But the more you know about Marc Jacobs, the better you will do in early rounds of dating. Your date doesn’t want to hear about the resurgent Bills. She wouldn’t believe it either.
I found something interesting at Fashion Week. Some chick who looks like an elongated Kardashian with her tit hanging out. I believe that’s what the fashion world refers to as re-directing focus. As far as designer tits go, it seems both sensible and trendy, ready for day or evening objectification. Fashion doesn’t have to be boring and sucky. It just chooses to be.
Update: Jack tells me by way of electronic mail that “The tit bomber is a tranny by the name of Jennifer Paris. You can google him.” I choose to believe Jack, but not follow his instructions.
Photo Credit: Splash