It’s not really a sex tape, by the way. This is everywhere today but I don’t know why people are calling it a sex tape. She hits a bottle of Veuve, then dances to some … thing. Music? It sounds more like someone broke a robot and now the robot is dying. Then she and another girl strip down to lingerie and kiss. Then she dances to video poker music and undoes a guys belt. Then nothing.
It’s okay. I guess. Of course if I wanted to see women with their clothes on not having sex I wouldn’t be on the internet now would I? “NEXT!”
Linda Hamilton I mean Carmen Electra is on Kos Island in Greece today, and she still looks amazing. As long as you back up from your monitor before opening the pictures. Little more. More. Little more. One more. Okay good. I realize you can’t reach your mouse anymore, but maybe you can get a stick and wack it or something until the pictures changes or you break it, or maybe get one of those trained monkeys. Now you have a sexy girl and a helper monkey. Things are looking up for you my friend. ;)
Carmen Electra is featured in this month’s Mexican edition of Maxim magazine, and the cover says, “Carmen Electra: Chica Top Topless”. And then inside there are pictures of her topless. So even though I never took Spanish, I could read like 90 percent of the cover. I’m like a Mexican 8th grader, basically, and I’ve never even been there. Not bad, huh?
If I were naked, and a girl came at my penis with a wire coat hanger, I would consider it nothing less than an attack, and I would knee her right in the face and then run right to the cops. I’m not joking. Carmen Electra has other ideas, apparently.
Sexy CARMEN ELECTRA uses wire coat hangers to ramp up her sex life! The actress/model refuses to go into details about how she uses her homemade sex aids, but admits she's found a hot new use for hangers. She teases, "A little pleasure, a little pain. It's all about fun." The current Playboy pin-up tells the magazine she's a big collector of sex toys and visits the world's top boutiques to stock up. Electra, who is engaged to rocker Rob Patterson, adds, "I love going to different sex shops… and collecting the coolest handcuffs and naughtiest lingerie. That's exciting for me."
Yeah, because that’s been a real problem. Sex is boring. Finishing in a hot girls mouth is okay, I guess, but if I did while she wore little devil horns, oh baby, NOW were talkin!
(by the way, no guy on earth gives a shit about sexy lingerie. If your man says he does he’s lying or clearly gay. Guys like girls in tight jeans and push-up bras and then not tight jeans and push-up bras. If we're gonna have sex, just take your GD clothes off. Costumes are different. If you must, dress up like a slutty Hermione or Dorothy or Girl Scout. You don’t wanna know why, I assure you.)
Most Halloween costumes suck. And it's no different in Hollywood. Kate Moss went as … Catwoman? It's hard to tell. What are the chances her drunk ass even knows it was Halloween? She’s wearing more eye shadow than normal, but only just barely. Carmen Electra and her boring ass outfit can go fuck themselves. Her only job is to dress slutty and she can’t even be bothered anymore. It’s insulting. It would be like if a fireman decided one day to stop putting out fires, but he still showed up at the fires and just kind of stood around. I'm not paying you for this. Alicia Silverstone went as who cares. But the clear winner of the Failure gold medal was Natalie Portman. Someone could be shooting at me, chasing me through the house with a gun, and I could put together a better costume than that.
I don’t think I'm being unfair when I say that time is not being kind to Carmen Electra. She still has huge implants, and I appreciate that, I really do, but she looks like an ugly version of Fergie now. And keep in mind that Fergie looks like some sort of monkey-man, so this is bad news for Carmen. I’m willing to bet that if you saw Fergie in the woods you could shoot her and talk your way out if it.
