Channing Tatum Questionable Parenting

April 24, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Channing Tatum revealed that he takes his three year old daughter to his live stripping show which is based on the Magic Mike franchise. Remarkably he still has custody of his daughter. Aside from the creepy prickly shaved buns and overt homoeroticism being completely inappropriate for a three year old, you’ve got to factor in the number of sexual predators this show attracts.

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Channing Tatum Vodka Might Be For You

February 10, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Channing Tatum is launching a vodka brand called Born and Bred. He invented an entire backstory as to why this merely wasn’t Grand Teton Distillery paying him to front a vodka that will be remarkably exactly like all their other vodkas but with a crafted Channing Tatum origin story.

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Channing Tatum’s Giant Head Will Be the New Splash Mermaid, This Changes Everything

August 2, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When Hollywood ran out of ideas and decided to start remaking films from the 80’s, everybody complained for a bit about lack of novelty and creativity but eventually shut up and paid for tickets. Now they’re remaking the same classic films but with a twist. A male mermaid in the remake of Splash. This has never been heard of before. Or Ghostbusters currently middling at the box office.

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Channing Tatum Cops to Rape Culture

June 28, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

If you must ask somebody about the societal problem of sexual assaults against women, might as well grab Channing Tatum during a press tour and force him to speak to the issue. Cosmopolitan live-streamed an interview with Tatum from Cannes where they naturally asked him about Stanford swimmer Brock Turner’s light sentence for trying to go Cosby on a passed out girl behind a frat house. Tatum quite impossibly further narrowed his eyes and gave the only response possible in the setting:

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We’re In For More Magic Mike

February 5, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

The trailer for the upcoming Magic Mike XXL has been released and features a roided Channing Tatum humping a bench grinder and jizzing sparks. The scene is a tribute to the movie Flashdance. Tribute is another word for ripping something off. If you’ve ever been criticized for watching porn or going to a strip club then […]

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Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum Might’ve Made a Really Crappy Space Opera

June 6, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Warner Bros. has decided to delay the release of Jupiter Ascending from tomorrow until the time we land a man on the real Jupiter. In the $150 million “space opera”, Mila Kunis plays a house cleaner named Jupiter Jones who meets a bad ass interplanetary secret service agent played by Channing Tatum and his close-set […]

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Last Night Was The Oscars, Here Are The Boobs That Showed Up

February 26, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him […]

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Channing Tatum is apparently very handsome

November 15, 2012 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

People magazine announced today that Channing Tatum is this years Sexiest Man Alive, then later added, “no, seriously. His perpetually dumbfounded face is hot.” And if you were under the impression that Channing Tatum is kinda dumb, they included a delightful story to confirm that. “My first thought was, ‘Y’all are messing with me,’” says […]

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Ice Cube Knows What’s Really Going on Here

March 15, 2012 | Uncategorized | Brendon| 0 Comments

Channing Tatum may be the worst actor of all time, but he somehow managed to talk his way into Jenna Dewan’s arms and more importantly, vagina. So the guy deserves a modicum of credit. That is, until he basically got outed by Ice Cube who costars with Channing and Jonah Hill in ’21 Jump Street.’ […]

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