Chantel Jeffries Has Arrived

By Lex February 24, 2014 @ 3:11 PM

Chantel Jeffries Lunches With A Friend At Urth Café
Chantel Jeffries has officially arrived. After blowing some low level rappers, athletes, and even Justin Bieber during his Xanax fueled Tokyo Drift, the young model finally made it to Tinsel Town. A lunch spot at least where she dined with new mentor, Draya Michele, that chick who is on Basketball Wives even though she was never a basketball wife. She was a stripper, so that’s close enough. While most of the lunch conversation naturally steered toward civil unrest in the Ukraine, the girls had a chance to cover off topics such as how to avoid wasting hummers in Hollywood and how many quarters worth of rides you need on grocery store mechanical ponies before your unwanted baby goes away. Watch out world, Mary Tyler Moore has just thrown her panties in the air and she’s ready to take on the big city.

Photo Credit: Splash

Justin Bieber Takes Control of His Bitches

By Lex January 28, 2014 @ 1:41 PM

Justin Bieber Films A Video On An ATV As Chantel Jefferies Watches In A Bikini In Panama
Building off the dressing down he gave Tubbs and Crockett for pulling the plug on his street racing, Bieber came down with full 65-lb bench press force on his entourage and the bitch he’s currently let service his gift. What Bieber’s inner circle thought would be an intervention down in Panama has turned into the Canadian King Joffrey drinking beers on the beach and insisting he be filmed riding his ATV for some epic new music video moments. Meanwhile, Bieber consort and young scholar Chantel Jeffries had been using a lawyer to secretly shop around her Tales of Whorish Street Racing with Justin to the morning talk shows for twenty grand. When Bieber’s spies appraised him of the situation, he raised his mighty hammer and ordered her to cut that shit out. And she did. Then Bieber ordered Chantel to dress him to match the Bad Touch girl doll that prosecutors let her keep form all her childhood court cases. Bow down before Zed, the Canadian douche god and pray to be spared.

Photo Credit: Splash

Chantel Jeffries Likes Her Cars Like She Likes Her Men, Tiny and Quick

By Lex January 23, 2014 @ 1:32 PM

Chantel Jefferies Drives Justin Bieber's Lambotghini Before He Gets A DUI
Chantel Jeffries is about to be famous. No, she wasn’t the third or fourth woman into space. She didn’t give birth to the Scientology reptile baby that will align the six galaxies. And, to date, her athlete and rapper loving vagina has not been confiscated by the NIH to model Obamacare services for immigrant street urchins. But she is the Miami party girl who Justin Bieber took on a drunken joyride in his $250,000 tricycle early this morning in Miami before being arrested. Now the entire world will know her name. Chantel they will say, sounds like a scientist. Speed makes her horny. It’s times like these that Mr. and Mrs. Jeffries wish the hideous sex diseases would go ahead and consume their daughter faster.

Photo Credit: Instagram