2015 Billboard Music Awards Had to Happen

By Lex May 19, 2015 @ 11:02 AM

2015 Billboard Music Awards  Mariah Carey
Ironic Jesus came to me in a dream and told me that if I watched enough music award shows, he’d make something heavy fall on Taylor Swift. A hanging speaker or roof panel or Adele. I relented and watched the Billboard music awards. Kanye was booed by the upper deck and his mom in heaven because he refused to splurge on the platinum lipo package. Mariah Carey was so tightly cinched her head threatened to go Scanners. At one point the assistant who holds the lint roller came up and wiped up visible smudges on her gown which turned out to be hemoglobin osmosed through her flesh. The Devil’s cut. Nothing fell. Where do I got to get my five minutes of fast forward back?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Rita Ora And Charli XCX Seem Musically Gifted

By Lex January 13, 2015 @ 10:41 AM

Rita Ora And Charli XCX Show Off Bootys In Sneak Peak Of New Video
Nothing says my music is ass like just showing off your ass. Fuck, if you could sing through those things I’d download a song or too. The gross levels of sexualization of pop music is tremendous evolutionary step forward. Why can’t I fap to a little ass or a chick in a cheerleader outfit while girls struggling with their teen identities pay for the music? The objectification of women is only a problem when it’s not throwing off cash.

Photo Credit: Instagram/TerryRichardson

Charli XCX And Her Knickers

By Lex June 11, 2014 @ 11:51 AM

Charli XCX Flashes Her Panties Onstage At Ditch Fridays In Las Vegas
At some point the Vegas casinos realized that the next generation no longer wanted to lose their money pretending to be Swingers at the tables, so they invented ‘beach clubs’ at their outdoor pools. Now, they can un-line the pockets of the millennials who didn’t get their quota of day time drinking and date rape in college. Naturally, you can’t have Spring Break forever without some crappy music artists singing over their pre-recorded tracks with lots of phaser sound effects. Like this chick Charli XCX. I’m not good with Roman numerals, but I think that means she’s a British 8. Not too bad looking with just a slight nod to the irregularities that come with a thousand years of intra-island breeding. Nothing a large pair of sunglasses can’t help. The guy who was making her music on the laptop behind her could’ve told her that everybody in the crowd could see her panties, but you’ve got to give the poor schmucks paying $20 a drink something of value.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet