CBS wants Charlie Sheen back at work

By brendon March 21, 2011 @ 1:20 PM

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The reason that some people think Hollywood only cares about money is because Hollywood only cares about money, and so with that in mind, CBS President Les Moonves is reportedly trying to find a way to get Charlie Sheen back to work on Two and a Half Men, despite the fact that he’s an unstable and violent lunatic. But Moonves has a plan; just ignore it.

(Moonves) is ready, willing, and able to forgive and forget all of Sheen’s recent antics and continue broadcasting the series.
Moonves has been speaking directly with top execs at Warner Bros. Television (and) ‘Men’ co-creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre.
“Moonves wants to get the show back on the air. He’s all for it. He says certain people need to forget anything and everything Charlie’s done recently and just move on with the business at hand.
“The core issue is, as he put it, the volatile relationship between Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre. He believes that if CBS and Warner Bros. TV honchos can find a way to get Chuck and Charlie to speak again, cooler heads will prevail.”

Yeah Sheen seems pretty rational, so I’m sure this can all be worked out. Just go over to his house, he’s probably out back with a red striped shirt and patch over his eye, ready to launch a homemade rocket so he can be an outer space pirate, but if you hurry he can be back in the office by Wednesday.

Charlie Sheens $100,000,000 lawsuit isn’t going so well

By brendon March 17, 2011 @ 11:23 AM

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Rest assured that CBS and Warner Brothers had absolutely no desire to fire Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men and destroy the number one sitcom on television. They stuck with him when he allegedly tried to murder his wife and kidnapped a prostitute, but his increasingly bizarre behavior eventually left them no choice.

Sheen of course feels they were just out to get him, for no reason, so he decided to sue for 100,000,000 dollars. Guess how that’s going.

Charlie Sheen has been dealt a procedural blow in his lawsuit against Warner Bros. Television and Two and a Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre over his firing.
Sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that the private dispute-resolution company JAMS on Tuesday sided with WBTV and Lorre in deciding that its own arbitrator has jurisdiction over the dispute, meaning the confidential arbitration will go forward despite Sheen’s request that the fracas be litigated publicly.
The decision makes it much more likely that Sheen’s high-stakes legal war with Warners and Lorre will be resolved in private — and not in a public trial, as Sheen has said he is entitled to under the law.

When Sheen heard the news he turned and asked the talking bull, who is also a 5 star general, about this, and the bull took off his glasses and told Charlie about the stargate, and that he had less than 48 hours to close it. “Time to kick some alien ass,” Sheen said.

Kacey Jordan tried to kill herself

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 3:00 PM

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Kacey Jordan of course is the porn star who was with Charlie Sheen the night he was rushed to the hospital a few weeks ago, and who then did countless interviews detailing every minute of it. But she hasn’t been able to forget about her time with Charlie. Those 16 hours really messed her up.

“those 16 hours i was with charlie sheen… messed me up… i can’t get that image out of my head…”

See, I told you they did. She put that on her twitter last night during what might have been a suicide attempt.

“i just snorted a fat line and i get a wake up call for my pedicure spa appointment in 15 min…. this is going to be a great conversation!”

“i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs”

“I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me… And kpuff doesn’t have underwear?!!”

The hotel intervened and the police were called, and she appears to be okay for now, in the sense that she’s not physically dead. I’m sure she’s still a complete mess in every other possible way. It maybe didn’t help when the doctor gave her her meds by telling her to get on her knees and open her mouth.

the LAPD raided Charlie Sheens house for guns

By brendon March 11, 2011 @ 10:43 AM

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Finally. A story about Charlie Sheen.

“It came to the attention of the LAPD that Sheen is the registered owner of firearms,” the LAPD said in a statement late Thursday night, and conducted their investigation at Sheen’s home “to determine if he is in possession of firearms and ammunition in violation of the [restraining order].”

That being the restraining order placed on him 10 days ago by his wife Brooke Mueller, who said he threatend to cut her head off, put it in a box and send it to her mom.

They confiscated bullets and an antique gun, but Sheen was not arrested or detained.

Well he held a knife to his wife’s throat and threatened to cut her head off. Shouldn’t they have told him he can’t have any knives? He thinks he’s the goblin king, he’s not gonna use a gun, and her enchantment spell deflects bullets anyway.

Charlie Sheen is suing for $100,000,000

By brendon March 10, 2011 @ 3:45 PM

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Charlie Sheen has spent the last three months doing everything he can to force Warner Brothers and Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre to fire him, and now that they have, he’s suing them for $100 million plus punitive damages.

Sheen, who made $1.2 million per episode, is demanding he be compensated for the 8 cancelled episodes from the current season — and is also suing on behalf of the sitcom’s crew.
His attorney Marty Singer slams Lorre for making Sheen “the scapegoat” in the ongoing war over the series. “[Lorre] believes himself to be so wealthy and powerful that he can unilaterally decide to take money away from the dedicated cast and crew …in order to serve his own ego and self-interest.”

And Sheen of course turned to twitter to make some nonsensical comment.

“#Fastball; Torpedo away… You corporate Trolls were warned. And now you’ve been served!”

What world is Sheen living in where he thinks someone, anyone, can tell their boss to fuck off, on television, a hundred different ways and not get fired? This whole thing is dumb, Sheen violated his contract, and it’s insulting that he would sue on behalf of the crew. As if he gives a shit. If I were the judge I’d not only throw this lawsuit out, I’d have the bailiff bring it over to Sheen and make him eat it.

Charlie Sheen might be broke

By brendon March 09, 2011 @ 12:31 PM

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When Charlie Sheen got on twitter, he made a big point of mentioning that he was unemployed now and that twitter is “a cash cow” for celebrities who get paid to tweet ads. Which was weird considering Two and a Half Men paid him 2 million dollars an episode.

Well brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime but it turns out Charlie Sheen might not have handled his money wisely. Popeater says…

Sheen is making his fight against CBS and Warner Bros. about defending his honor, but sources very close to the actor tell me the real reason is the guy is “cash poor” and desperately needs the money to maintain his vast, complicated estate.
“Charlie has earned an enormous amount of money with this show, but he has also spent a fortune and now finds himself in the very tricky position of being cash poor.”

Sheens plan to sue is dumb, because he was absolutely in violation of his contract, but it’s amazing he even came up with that. I’m genuinely astounded that his plan didn’t involve shape shifting and kidnapping Mr. Burns.