If you’ve never heard what someone sounds like after they’ve done enough coke to blow up the sun, you will now because Charlie Sheen was on the Alex Jones Show today, and he spent 18 exhausting minutes calling the creator and producer of Two And A Half Men a loser and a clown and “Hymie Levine”, calling Thomas Jefferson a pussy, claiming he cured his drug addiction with his mind, that he has an army of assassins ready to defend him, and that he himself is a warlock assassin.
For the record he’s also an F-18, and a bayonet, and there’s some stuff in there about trolls, cults, and Vatican assassins dispatched by the Pope. He also claims he’s clean now. Which for him must mean, “of things other than coke.”
I had a girl break up with me one time because we were at a restaurant and I was talking to some other girl. It was the waitress. I was ordering. But the girl freaked out anyway, because girls are all completely nuts.
Which brings us to Brooke Mueller, future ex wife of Charlie Sheen, who in December told police he held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. But the holidays can be stressful, and that was almost three months ago, so not only has she moved back in with Sheen, who is currently living with porn star Bree Olson AND his “girlfriend” Natalie Kelly, but now the 4 of them are going on a romantic vacation together.
Radar has learned Sheen and his “roommates” were leaving Los Angeles on Wednesday to vacation on a private tropical island.
All of this is occurring as Sheen is supposed to be in rehab at home as his hit show is shut down.
Charlie Sheen boarded his private jet this afternoon along with his two new girlfriends and ex-wife Brooke Mueller … and took off for an island near the Bahamas for a private adult vacation … TMZ has learned.
I don’t know who messed Brooke Mueller up so bad that she would put up with this, but I assume it’s her dad. This is definitely a girl with daddy issues. Though I’m not real clear on how blowing Charlie Sheen after he takes it out of Bree Olsens ass help resolve daddy issues. Shouldn’t she just buy him a tie and ask for horse riding lessons. Seriously, what goes on in the mind of a girl, why are they all crazy, is it just sabre dance playing super loud and non-stop pandemonium, because that’s what I picture.
(image source of Sheen and Mueller on their honeymoon in 2007 = splash)
Back in December, Charlie Sheen and his wife Broke Mueller rented a little house to spend Christmas skiing in Aspen. Then some stuff happened, and Charlie put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. After that they filed for divorce, he kidnapped some prostitute, did a mountain of coke, and had a continuous orgy with porn stars.
Which apparently turns Brooke on.
“She moved in several days ago,” a source close to the situation told Radar.
And another source independently confirmed the information and said Brooke has been at the house consistently since Saturday, with the couple’s twin boys and nannies.
“I’m sure Brooke will try to deny this. She thinks because Charlie lives in a gated community that nobody has seen her. But she’s wrong. A lot of people know about this and they’ve just been keeping it quiet.
“Everyone is stunned.”
Yeah, I know. I’ve got a good feeling about this too. I can’t explain but I just really feel like it’s gonna work.
KACEY JORDAN – is the porn star who won’t stop talking about her time with Charlie Sheen, and now she even says she had an abortion last Thursday that could have been his. Or it could have been from a different celebrity the week before. She doesn’t really sweat the details, as it turns out. (radar)
CAMILLE GRAMMER – is only famous for marrying and then divorcing Kelsey Grammer, but now she’s been hired by CNN to report on the Oscars this Sunday. Some would argue she isn’t qualified, but she has seen several previous Oscar telecasts, and hopes that maybe one day, they’ll even let her cover the Academy Awards. (huff post)
JENNIFER TILLY – was one of the players at the World Poker Tour Celebrity Invitational this weekend. She’s 52, by the way, making her the new oldest girl I’d bang. Before this it was Selena Gomez. (pacific coast)
Charlie Sheen called the Dan Patrick Show today, presumably to let everyone know that he was clean and sober and in a great frame of mind, but really he just sounded like a complete drunken ass.
When asked why his voice was sore, Sheen explained that he went to the set of Two And A Half Men, which is on hiatus, and banged on the doors for them to let him in. But no one would. Perhaps because, as previously implied, no one was there.
“I just figured I was supposed to go back to work because I’m ready,” he said. “They said, ‘You get ready [and] we’ll get ready.’ And I got ready.”
Let’s just pretend for a second that the rest of the cast and crew live on the set and would be there at whatever random hour Sheen decided to show up. Actually let’s not because that’s stupid. The only way that banging on doors that you know are locked proves you’re ready to go to work is if you’re an escape artist. Otherwise you’re just sort of an asshole.
Last week it was reported that Charlie Sheen wanted to buy a house and then fill it with porn stars. A harem, in other words. Of sex slaves. And also “co-stars”, as it turns out. The Huffington Post says…
Sheen’s madam, who goes by the name of Felony, (said) he was planning out an entire porn franchise, to be titled ‘Charlie’s Devils.’
“Charlie and I were having this great project and he was talking about performing in front of the camera,” Felony said. He even made a demo: “Charlie’s got the tape. I gave it to him afterwards,” the madam said. “He was keeping it so he could practice.”
If it does air, it could be pretty explosive: “The ladies love Charlie. He likes to explore his sexuality. He likes fetish, spanking, role play, really kinky stuff,” she added.
Actually, from what we’ve heard, it would be 2 minutes of slapping his dick against his leg to try and make something happen, similar to what you do with a glo stick or poppin fresh dough, then 5 minutes of explanations, then 15 minutes of hugging and apologizing. So, yes, I’d still buy it, but only to boost my self esteem.