Charlie Sheen Not So Subtly Threatens Denise Richards

By Jack December 16, 2013 @ 1:59 PM

Denise Richards has angered the Warlock, Charlie Sheen, into cutting up a wedding souvenir baseball bat with a bayonet. It seems that the tiger-blooded star of such classic films as Hot Shots: Part Deux and You Can’t Arrest Me, I’m Made of Fuck You Money is mad at his ex-wife for not inviting him along on the family Christmas trip with their kids Lola and Sam. Pretty shitty, I guess. I’m not entirely sure I’d want Charlie Sheen around my kids at the Yuletide. That is the season when he likes to chase women around the Christmas pine with a butcher’s knife . Charlie took the non-invite rather like a man, cutting up the souvenir from their wedding with what appears to be an old rusty army bayonet. You know, like you do, when you’re not violent, not-wasted, and not obsessed with random weapons of yore.

Charlie then Tweeted the picture of his craftsmanship to let Denise Richards know that even if he’s frail and pale and sickly, he’s still got plenty of threatening-women-juice left in the tank. That Charlie truly is an old school rapscallion.

(Photo Via Twitter)

Brett Rossi is the Former Porn Star that Stole Charlie Sheen’s Heart

By Travis December 09, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Charlie Sheen’s days of nailing everything with two feet may be numbered, because the 48-year old actor who looks like he’s at least 60 claims that his current girlfriend, former porn star Brett Rossi, is the love of his life. Charlie recently put on a hell of a sickening public display with Brett for everyone with a camera to conveniently witness, but while he’s busy accusing his former porn star girlfriends of stealing money from him, he has also been telling TMZ that Brett is the pot of fake breasts at the end of his jizz-soaked rainbow.

“I’ve been on a lifelong journey, a 1000 century quest, in search of the better and missing half of my heart and my brane (sic),” he wrote with incredible irony, adding, “That expedition is now (rated) ‘a major success’ and beyond the valley of dunn-ski complete. The MaSheen wins again.” So we can all look forward to his incredibly offensive and juvenile rant about Brett when this shit goes south by February.

Photo Credit: Getty

Charlie Sheen Can’t Believe Porn Stars Used Him

By Travis December 03, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

While Charlie Sheen is taking a break from fighting with the Los Angeles child custody people by hanging out with his latest porn star girlfriend, Brett Rossi, in Cabo, he dropped a note to TMZ that explains how he felt when he discovered that his last trio of “Charlie’s Angels” porn stars (Celeste Star, Jayme Langford and Jana Jordan) was apparently just using him for his money, as they ran up the bills on his credit cards.

I know, I’m also completely shocked that three 20-something girls who have sex on camera for a living would have only wanted a 48-year old with a history of violent behavior for his money, but I guess that love is simply dead. Charlie’s written statement is about as mature and meaningless as you’d expect from him, but full of snappy one-liners that we can all use in our own custody battles this week.

Also, I’m pretty sure that he confesses murder.

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Charlie Sheen Takes Break from Custody Battle to Go to Cabo with Porn Star (VIDEO)

By Lex December 02, 2013 @ 2:29 PM

There’s really no better way to show the courts that you’re a fit parent than to spend the Thanksgiving holiday banging a porn star in your Cabo hotel room. It screams good daddy. I guess you could make it worse by Tweeting all about it like Charlie Sheen did, reminding people that while his TV shows and children may be taken away from him, they’ll never get his money or his coke or his Brazzers pussy. I think there’s something noble about that but I’m still trying to figure it out.

You can see some of Brett Rossi’s acting talents above (it stops before the boffing, just fyi), or see the few moments she and Charlie left their hotel room over the long weekend below. Or, you can just wonder to yourself if you could yell out the name ‘Brett’ while having sex and not feel at least a little gay.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Charlie Sheen is Thankful for this Woman

By Travis November 29, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Charlie Sheen might be 48-years old, but he still manages his Twitter account like a teenage girl, as he took a break from his Thanksgiving festivities to Tweet a picture of him and his new lady friend. While he didn’t reveal the name of this new goddess, who I’m sure loves him for him and not for all of the money that he earns from Anger Management and syndicated episodes of Two and a Half Men, he did include a very special Thanksgiving message for all of his “sheenius” followers, calling this the “Best Thanksgiving ever” and saying that he’s “thankful for ‘Giving’ the world another face-load of planet jealous!’ And I’m not sure if he spelled out “hashtag” to be ironic or because he thinks that’s how Twitter works, so I’ll just say it was a little of both.

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Charlie Sheen is Now Less of a Terrible Dad

By Travis November 20, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Now that Denise Richards has given up custody of Charlie Sheen’s twin sons, Bob and Max, because of her claims that they were beating the crap out of her daughter, the actor has realized that he has to actually not be a dick and follow the procedures of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services like everyone else, or he won’t get to see his kids again. According to Radar, since Brooke Mueller’s brother, Scott, now has custody of the kids that Charlie still won’t nut up and take care of himself, the actor has decided to cooperate with Family Services so he can continue to hang out with his kids every once in a while.

Otherwise, someone else is going to have to tell them about all of the porn stars he’s nailing, and only Charlie can really capture the magic in describing what a coked up orgy is all about.

Photo Credit: Getty