Charlie Sheen is single

By brendon June 27, 2011 @ 11:23 AM

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Good news if you’re an average looking young girl who can endure the pathetic rambling of a brain damaged drug addict and lick his old grey balls in exchange for publicity, because Charlie Sheen is 100 percent single again.

Charlie Sheen’s remaining goddess, Natalie Kenly, moved out of Sheen’s pad last week. But the model didn’t get to keep her fifteen minutes of fame and her sweet ride … (he) demanded that Kenly return the Mercedes he purchased for her.
But still referring to himself in the third person, Sheen was cavalier about the split telling sources, it’s “not a common thing for the Masheen.”

Ah, yes. Good one, Charlie. The “Masheen”. I get it. Because you’re a machine. That’s why things are going so well. That’s why you’re broke and alone and the movie roles and huge paydays you kept saying were gonna happen never did and girls with self-respect are disgusted by you.

But if there’s a girl who doesn’t have any dignity, by all means, step right up. Oh, and when you’re vagina turns black after having sex with him, don’t worry. “Normal” might not be the right word but it happens to all the girls.

(image source = wenn)

Charlie Sheen borrowed $10M from Warner Bros. last year

By brendon May 17, 2011 @ 12:46 PM

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Back in March it was reported that Charlie Sheen was essentially broke, which seemed impossible because, in 8 seasons, he filmed 177 episodes of ‘Two And A Half Men’. The first year he made $160,000 a week. $3.84 million for the year. After that he was paid $850,000 for each of the next 137 episodes. That’s a total of $116,450,000. Last year he got a raise paying a total of around $2 million a week, or $32 million for the season.

All together, he made over $152 million dollars.

And yet…

TMZ has obtained Charlie’s contract for Season 7 (2010 – 2011).  The document — dated May 17, 2010 — requires Warner Bros. to pay Charlie $10 million within 10 days of the date Charlie signed.  Charlie was then obligated to pay the money back during the first 13 episodes.
Charlie was fired after the 16th episode, so Warner Bros. got its money back.
As for why Charlie needed the money … unclear.

Oh, is it “unclear”? Is it really? I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that he blew it on drugs and prostitutes. I can’t explain it. I’ve just got this feeling.

Charlie Sheen is “destroyed” to lose Two And A Half Men

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 1:25 AM

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It should probably go without saying that if you go on TV with two prostitutes and explain in great detail about how much you love drugs and call your boss a “pussy punk” and “piece of shit” among other things, and cost your employer $250 million, that might burn a few bridges at work.

But apparently it’s news to Charlie Sheen, because he’s been waiting all this time for CBS to invite him back to ‘Two And A Half Men’, and he’s genuinely shocked now that he’s been replaced by Ashton Kutcher. Popeater says…

“He really thought that he would be invited back,” a friend of Charlie’s tells me. “After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
My source reveals that the casting has hit him hard and that the lack of other offers has weighed heavily on him.
“He is destroyed that Ashton is replacing him. Destroyed,” the friend says. “We are all worried that he hasn’t hit bottom yet and that this could make him spiral out of control again. Especially after all the other productions that he assumed would happen have fell apart.”
Shortly after Charlie was fired he hinted that he was in talks with FOX and HDNet and that he expected to get paid $1 million for a Vanity Fair interview. None of which has yet to be confirmed.

It truly is beyond belief if Sheen thought he would get invited back by Warner Brothers. It would be like Mohamed Atta applying for a job at American.

Charlie Sheen reacts to Ashton Kutcher taking his job

By brendon May 13, 2011 @ 3:27 PM

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Like everyone else, I naturally assumed Charlie Sheen would take the news that he was replaced on ‘Two And A Half Men’ by Ashton Kutcher with a quiet dignity. But, as it turns out, he was a smug, condescending dickhead about it. Huh. That’s really surprising.

Charlie tells TMZ, “Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!!”
Charlie continues, taking a shot at the show, saying, “Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB.” Essentially, Charlie is saying the age group that supported him is going to tune out.
Charlie adds, “Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.” Of course, Charlie is referring to his nemesis, “Men” creator and Executive Producer Chuck Lorre.

It does seem ironic that Sheen, a sad old degenerate who has to hire prostitues and pay girls to be around him, was replaced by Kutcher, who recently started a foundation about sex slaves called ‘Real Men Don’t Buy Girls’. Say what you will about Ashton, but at least he doesn’t get an itemized bill every time he has sex. So CBS will be getting someone 12 years younger, who is just as well known, at less then half the price (Ashtons deal is worth around $900,000 an episode compared to Sheens $2 million), and on top of all that they won’t need the crew to seal up all the things on set that a dick could fit into.

(image source = pacific coast)

CBS will replace Charlie Sheen with Ashton Kutcher

By brendon May 13, 2011 @ 9:07 AM

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It’s just a few days until CBS hosts their upfront (when networks basically stage a huge convention and party and present next seasons shows to advertisers so they buy commercial space now, hence the term “upfront”) so it’s pretty important that they have a cast in place for the highest rated comedy on television, ‘Two And A Half Men’. Which is the only reason I can think of for them to settle on Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen.

Broadcasting and Cable broke the story last night, then Kutcher went on his twitter and posted that square root question in the headline (the answer is 2.5 of course), and today the Hollywood Reporter says the deal is all but done.

Two sources (say Kutcher) is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV’s No. 1 comedy.
CBS, Warner Bros. and Kutcher’s reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a “huge payday” to join the hit sitcom.
The deal came together quickly in the wake of Hugh Grant passing on the opportunity to join the show. Now sources say Men creator Chuck Lorre has crafted a storyline to introduce Kutcher in a way that satisfies the network and studio. “It’s really funny,” says one source. “People are going to love it.”

Woah, easy dude. Let’s not get carried away and start throwing around words like “love” and “funny” when describing Ashton Kutcher or ‘Two And A Half Men’. Ashton hasn’t been in anything good for 10 years, and that includes Demi Moore.

Charlie Sheen got dumped by Bree Olson

By brendon April 25, 2011 @ 1:51 PM

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If there’s one thing I know about porn stars, it’s that they’re perfect girlfriend material. Steady as a rock, they are. So I was surprised when pictures of Charlie Sheen on his Torpedo of Truth tour last week only showed him with one goddess, only one of his two girlfriends, and zero hot ones. Where was Bree Olson?

That was rhetorical, by the way. She went home, and she went on twitter.

“It feels SO GOOD to be home! I was very homesick so it’s good to be back with my family and friends. I love home, Dr.Sniffles & you guys!”

And now Sheen says she’s officially broken up with him, he got punked by Dr. Sniffles, and she did in a text message no less. The Hollywood Reporter says

The actor kicked off the show by revealing that one of his goddesses, Rachel “Bree” Olson, had broken up with him via text message. During the Q&A session later, one fan asked Sheen how he handled two women at once without turning to polygamy. He replied, “Not well, because one left.”

Not only did he get dumped, but he had to give away tickets to this show in Ft. Lauderdale, and even then it was only about a third full. Aww, poor Charlie. Looks like someone could use a pick-me-up bouquet. It has a teddy bear holding a heart!

(image source = splash news)