Just one day after Charlie Sheen publicly said he was gonna sneak up behind people and their kids and slit their throats, and just an hour after being formally fired from Two and a Half Men for his behavior lately such as publicly saying he’s gonna sneak up behind people and slit their throats, Sheen went to the offices of concert promoter Live Nation in Beverly Hills, went on the roof and waved a machete around. He also drank a bottle of something labeled Tiger Blood. That label looks fake though, so it’s probably just baby blood or something.
Charlie Sheen, who was arrested on Christmas day in 2009 after his wife told police he held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her, said in a webcast last night that he would hold a knife to peoples throats and kill them, and then do the same to their kids. Radar says…
(Sheen) launched into a bizarre, profanity-laced tirade during a chat with his associate Bob Maron.
Said Sheen: “I’m gonna write my sermons, I’m gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes, and people are gonna f **king take it or leave it, we know they’re gonna take it cause they can’t process it, so they must condemn it, and if they can’t condemn it, they’ll like f **king turn me into a God and worship it, and realize I’m behind them, cutting their throats, and their children’s …”
Yep that sounds like Charlie all right. Always threatening to slash people throats, that ol’ rascal. So has he completely given up on Two and a Half Men? If it comes back will he still have time to murder children? He sure has a lot on his plate.
Charlie Sheen only joined twitter on Tuesday, but it didn’t take long for him to realize it’s potential to score strange pussy. And then two seconds later he took that concept and made it creepy as hell by adding Modern Family star Sarah Hyland as one of the 17 people he followed. People says…
Sheen may have skyrocketed to a million Twitter followers in record time, but when it comes to the select few he’s chosen to follow himself, not everyone is honored.
Sarah Hyland expressed her disgust when Sheen decided to add her to the tiny group of people whose Tweets he wants to read.
“FYI, I’ve never met @charliesheen in my LIFE, and he’s following me now? Really creeped out. Ew. #notwinning.”
Granted Hyland is 20, but she doesn’t look 20. She looks like a little kid. On their date Charlie could explain how Dick Cheney orchestrated 9/11 and Sarah could explain how she drew a picture of a tree and in the tree there’s a kitty and the kitty has a bow on it and the bow is red and the kittys name is Tiger because he has stripes like a tiger.
Most people, including Charlie Sheen no doubt, don’t realize that Charlie Sheen has a daughter named Cassandra Sheen, but X17 Online does, and they caught up with her today in Calabasas. Charlie had her when he was 19 with a girl from his high school named Paula Profit, and yes she is older than her dads two girlfriends. Cassandra is 26, while Rachel Oberlin (better known as porn star Bree Olson) and Natalie Kenly are both 24.
So even though Charlie barely knows Cassandra, maybe she could be friends with his girlfriends. And the next time one of them is locked in a closet with a black eye, they could whisper on the phone for Cassandra to please come save them.
It seems impossible to believe, but Charlie Sheen has now taken four drug tests in four days, and passed all four, including one last night.
(Sheen) tested negative for the presence of marijuana, cocaine, opiates and methamphetamine in a random drug test as Radar observed at his Los Angeles mansion Tuesday night, just a few short hours after authorities dramatically removed his 23-month-old twin sons Max and Bob from the premises, and returned them to (his wife Brooke) Mueller.
Without prompting, Sheen took the random drug test, which we observed. He passed.
When they say “without prompting”, they mean that Sheen had a drug test just sort of lying around and he took it out without being asked and said “hey a drug test” and then he took it and Radar says he passed.
You have to admit that, with controls like this in place, the results would be impossible to fake. But this hardly seems like a victory for Sheen because if he’s not high then he’s insane to a degree where he’s a week away from wearing a diaper and demanding everyone address only the puppet on his hand. Suddenly “drug addict” seems way better.
Charlie Sheen is impossible to keep up with these days, because when you do that much coke you have boundless energy, but this mornings headline is that his wife Brooke Mueller filed for sole custody of their two-year-old twin boys yesterday, then got a restraining order against Sheen after he allegedly told her “I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom.” *
That would be illegal, so Brooke got a restraining order preventing him from going near her or their boys, so police went to Sheens house last night and removed them. He told the Today show this morning…
“This is not about emotions, not about ego — it’s about getting very focused, getting very much in touch with what I have to do to complete the task of bringing these two beautiful young men back to the home they deserve to be raised in. There’s more love, compassion, support, childcare and everything else you could possibly want for a child here in this lovely home — it’s not a house, it’s a home.”
Holy Shit there were kids in that house this whole time? Oh my fucking god, Charlie Sheen shouldn’t be allowed to raise a cactus, much less two human beings.
(* Sheen may or may not have really said that, but he does love bringing the girls parents into it. In 2007 he wrote an email to then-wife Denise Richards and told her to “go cry to your bald mom, you fucking loser.” Her mom was bald because she had cancer, by the way. In 2008 he told Denise, “I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom.” I think he took that one from a greeting card.)