Here’s a completely shit-faced Charlie Sheen after a Guns N’ Roses concert Friday night in LA. In case you somehow managed to miss his infamous public meltdown and subsequent bullshit claim of sobriety, we’ve come full cirlce. While I’m not stupid enough to have any delusions that this guy ever stopped funneling drugs and booze into his face like a weak-ass Tony Montana without all of the machine-gunning and incest, it’s always great to have proof. Honestly though, the best part of the video is his wranglers desperately shoving him into a car before he not only endorses Sarah Palin’s 2012 Presidential run (?) and coyly hints at his love of heroin. Anybody says “winning” right now, I burn this mother to the ground.
I added a bunch of Denise Richards bikini shots solely as an anti-drug PSA and not at all to laugh at what Charlie Sheen traded for hookers and meth.
It’s not surprising that Charlie Sheen got a little too excited at the prospect of meeting up with a teenager he saw on TV and tweeted his cell number to the public instead of through a DM. What is surprising is that the teenager was a boy. Named Justin Bieber.
(Sheen) thought that he was just sending his digits to the teenage singer but instead his 5.5million followers were able to view the number – until it was swiftly taken down.
Charlie saw the funny side and answered the phone a few times, saying things like ‘Ray’s Pizza’ and ‘Winning.”
‘But his phone just continued ringing and buzzing and eventually just completely melted down. Charlie was like, “I guess I need a new phone.”‘
Charlie Sheen is almost 50, and was getting pranked after posting his number because he wanted to hang out with Justin Bieber. I’m not sure what he should have said when answering the first few calls, but I’m confident the word “winning” doesn’t apply to any of this in even the loosest possible sense.
Considering how fantastically insane Charlie Sheen was just a few months ago, it would be ridiculous to think that he just sort of magically healed overnight and pretend all that other stuff never happened and then go into business with him. But Hollywood is dumb like that so that’s what they’re gonna do.
Specifically FX has ordered 10 episodes of the sitcom based on ‘Anger Management’, with Sheen producing and starring in the Jack Nicholson role. On top of that they have the option to buy 90 more if the initial ratings are good and if by some miracle Sheen is still alive 3 months from now.
For the most part, working in Hollywood is just like working anywhere else. All people really want is to go to work, do their job the best they can, and then go home. Which is why it should come as no surprise that the crew of ‘Two And A Half Men’ prefer working with dullard Ashton Kutcher over, um, “fun loving” Charlie Sheen.
Here’s what two of Sheen’s old worker-bees had to say:
“[Ashton] is really a nice guy. Just a nice guy. And he’s OK on set. He gets the job done—that’s what we all want.”
“He’s just not as funny as Charlie. Not that we’d want Charlie back if you doubled our salaries.”
You hear that?
The guys (and gals) who were having trouble paying their mortgages during one of Sheen’s notorious AWOL meltdowns, do not—repeat—do not want him back.
They are very, very clear about that.
But they also freely volunteer that the show, in their veteran opinions, “just isn’t the same anymore,” and that they find Sheen’s substitute to be more of a “safe replacement.”
Uh, yeah, put me squarely on Ashtons side for this one. If I’m a gaffer on that show, I’d much rather be home by 5 than to have Charlie regaling me with why there’s a nail through his dick at midnight.
Last night Comedy Central aired their roast of Charlie Sheen, and even for a roast one joke in particular seemed to get people upset when Amy Schumer made a joke to Steve O about Ryan Dunn. But here’s the thing; fuck Ryan Dunn. It’s not like he was torn out of his house by a tiger. He killed himself and a friend after drinking his way to a BAL just under .2 and then drove his Porsche 130 miles per hour. That dipshit deserved to die. I feel worse for the trees Ryan hit than I do for Ryans friends and family. We needed those, fuckface!
Secondly, Amy Schumer is awesome. She could have handed Steve a sketch of Dunns charred remains for all I care.
Charlie Sheen went on the Tonight Show to talk with Jay Leno, and not just because Leno is the one person with worse jokes than Sheen, but also to admit that CBS was right to fire him when they did because he was acting like an asshole.
Sheen was asked if he was still angry towards CBS and the Two And A Half Men producers over the sacking. “No, no. I would have fired my ass, too.”
As for his media blitz last spring, “I said some things that were a little out there,” Sheen said. “I might have overshot the mark a little bit. But these were just metaphors. I didn’t really believe I had tiger blood or Adonis DNA. These were just jokes.”
Leno followed up with, “Many people thought you were out of control. Were you out of control?” Answered Sheen, “Absolutely.”
Wow, so before he had this boundless manic energy, but now he’s calm and lucid. Seems like everyone who thought he was bi-polar should line up and apologize.