Charlie Sheen is still a boring old drunk

By brendon April 20, 2011 @ 12:13 PM

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Charlie Sheen still has another 9 tour dates planned for his Torpedo of Truth tour, and if there’s a city on there that wants to hear a bitter washed up drunk sit still and mumble, he should be all set.

Last night he was on stage in DC, while everyone else was in the parking lot on the way home. The Washington Post says the, “crowd quaked with catcalls whenever Sheen wasn’t talking about doing drugs or manhandling women”, and when he tried to get profound…

“SHUT THE [EXPLETIVE] UP AND SAY SOMETHING WEIRD,” someone yelled.

TMZ said…

Charlie Sheen’s got another bomb on his hands — our spies in D.C. tell us people are pouring out of his show early tonight.

And the Washington Times wrote…

Throughout the evening, attendees boo’ed, left the auditorium, and screamed for Sheen to “be funnier.”

So apparently the nicest thing that can be said about this is that, in that last review, if you crossed out some of the words and only read is, “attendees boo’ed … and screamed”, it sort of makes it sound like a haunted house.

Charlie Sheen lost big in court today

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

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It might seem weird for a judge in a custody case to decide that a mother who is in drug rehab because she relapsed last week is still a fit parent, but in this case the father is Charlie Sheen. And he came to court with a prostitute. “Fit parent” is a relative term. Radar says…

Sheen lost his fight against his estranged wife Brooke Mueller for full custody of their two-year-old twin sons, Max and Bob.
According to a source, a judge in Los Angeles presiding over a closed door hearing just allowed Mueller to maintain primary legal and physical custody despite a well-publicized relapse in her crack cocaine addiction.
(While) Mueller undergoes drug treatment at an undisclosed rehab facility, her mother will provide primary care for the boys.

Obviously the real victim in this case is me and you. We’re the ones who are gonna get run over by those bastard kids in 15 years. Not only should they be taken away from both of these dipshits immediately, they should be whacked in the head until they forget where they came from and then given a blood transfusion with blood from Drew Brees or someone good like that.

Warner Bros is getting tired of Charlie Sheen

By brendon April 14, 2011 @ 4:09 PM

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Charlie Sheen (seen here being mobbed by ones of fans as he arrives in Toronto for another “Torpedo of Truth” show) has been saying lately that he’s in talks with Warner Bros. about returning to Two and a Half Men, and even said there’s an 85 percent chance that they’ll ask him to come back.

This is all news to Warner Bros. of course, because none of that is actually happening, so today they sent a letter to Sheens attorney telling him to shut the hell up.

“Those statements are false.  As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series.”

Ah-ha! So Sheen was telling the truth! Notice how Warner Bros. ducked the issue and never actually mentioned if there were any discussions. There’s a lot of wiggle room in this letter, and that’s all good news for Sheen. WINNING!!!

(image source = splash news)

Charlie Sheen hints he’ll get his job back, is lying

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 9:56 PM

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Charlie Sheen has done everything but beg for his job back at Two and a Half Men, saying he would do it for the fans when in reality he’s desperate for money, but no matter what the reason, Sheen said tonight it might really happen.

Deadline writes…

Sheen has been hinting about a possible return to Two and a Half Men for the past week. Tonight, he dropped the biggest hint so far in a radio interview with Boston sports station WBZ-FM. “There’ve been discussions, but I was asked not to divulge anything,” he said.

It’s hard not to notice that he was asked not to divulge anything and yet here he is divulging things. Not that it matters because he’s making this whole thing up.

TMZ sources directly connected to the production of the show insist Charlie will NEVER be invited back.
Charlie has been almost pleading for his job back, even making the pitch during his show.  And behind the scenes Charlie’s people have been making calls, but Warner Bros. has closed the book on Charlie.

So there are no negotiations. Or if there are it’s only with the imaginary people in his head, and even they didn’t trust him to not go run his mouth about it in public. In fact they were kind of condescending. If Charlie can’t even get his own hallucinations to take him seriously, I see no reason why we should.

“Wait, don’t leave! I’m not done!’’

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 2:06 PM

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Fresh from getting boo’d off the stage in New York, Charlie Sheen took his show to Boston last night and proved he can drive audiences away no matter where he goes. The Boston Globe says…

Just before 10 last night, as hundreds of disgusted spectators streamed toward the exits at Agganis Arena, Charlie Sheen shouted from the stage: “Wait, don’t leave! I’m not done!’’
But most of them kept right on going, and who could blame them? For nearly 90 minutes they had been subjected to a witless barrage of non sequiturs, non-stories, non-jokes — a non-event, start to finish.
When the dreary debacle was finally over, the applause died before Sheen had even left the stage.

Charlie Sheen is a bitter and delusional drunk, so I’m not sure why those people are booing. What the hell did they expect. It’s like boo’ing at the Special Olympics.

(note: paula dean was at the same new york hotel as sheen, and sheen is searching for a new goddess. coincidence?)

Charlie Sheen was boo’d off the stage again

By brendon April 11, 2011 @ 1:36 AM

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Charlie Sheen and his winning smile (see what I did there) were in New York this weekend to perform his captivating one man show, and depending on who you ask his show on Friday night was either horrible or completely horrible.

Entertainment Weekly says…

It was an aimless and slovenly disaster, with the crowd taking less than 20 minutes to turn on him. And once they did, the boos and the catcalls just kept slowly escalating.
His dribbled-out, half-baked ramblings try to be funny, but mostly they’re like setups without the punchlines.
I can testify that if he had actually tried to say something thoughtful or confessional or interesting, the crowd would have been with him. Instead, the first trickles of heckling, I’m not kidding, commenced within the opening five minutes.

He also did a show on Saturday which apparently went better, but based on that EW review “better” could honestly just mean he didn’t shit his pants.

(image source = inf daily and pacific coast)