Charlie Sheen is “destroyed” to lose Two And A Half Men

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 1:25 AM

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It should probably go without saying that if you go on TV with two prostitutes and explain in great detail about how much you love drugs and call your boss a “pussy punk” and “piece of shit” among other things, and cost your employer $250 million, that might burn a few bridges at work.

But apparently it’s news to Charlie Sheen, because he’s been waiting all this time for CBS to invite him back to ‘Two And A Half Men’, and he’s genuinely shocked now that he’s been replaced by Ashton Kutcher. Popeater says…

“He really thought that he would be invited back,” a friend of Charlie’s tells me. “After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
My source reveals that the casting has hit him hard and that the lack of other offers has weighed heavily on him.
“He is destroyed that Ashton is replacing him. Destroyed,” the friend says. “We are all worried that he hasn’t hit bottom yet and that this could make him spiral out of control again. Especially after all the other productions that he assumed would happen have fell apart.”
Shortly after Charlie was fired he hinted that he was in talks with FOX and HDNet and that he expected to get paid $1 million for a Vanity Fair interview. None of which has yet to be confirmed.

It truly is beyond belief if Sheen thought he would get invited back by Warner Brothers. It would be like Mohamed Atta applying for a job at American.

Charlie Sheen reacts to Ashton Kutcher taking his job

By brendon May 13, 2011 @ 3:27 PM

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Like everyone else, I naturally assumed Charlie Sheen would take the news that he was replaced on ‘Two And A Half Men’ by Ashton Kutcher with a quiet dignity. But, as it turns out, he was a smug, condescending dickhead about it. Huh. That’s really surprising.

Charlie tells TMZ, “Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!!”
Charlie continues, taking a shot at the show, saying, “Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB.” Essentially, Charlie is saying the age group that supported him is going to tune out.
Charlie adds, “Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.” Of course, Charlie is referring to his nemesis, “Men” creator and Executive Producer Chuck Lorre.

It does seem ironic that Sheen, a sad old degenerate who has to hire prostitues and pay girls to be around him, was replaced by Kutcher, who recently started a foundation about sex slaves called ‘Real Men Don’t Buy Girls’. Say what you will about Ashton, but at least he doesn’t get an itemized bill every time he has sex. So CBS will be getting someone 12 years younger, who is just as well known, at less then half the price (Ashtons deal is worth around $900,000 an episode compared to Sheens $2 million), and on top of all that they won’t need the crew to seal up all the things on set that a dick could fit into.

(image source = pacific coast)

CBS will replace Charlie Sheen with Ashton Kutcher

By brendon May 13, 2011 @ 9:07 AM

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It’s just a few days until CBS hosts their upfront (when networks basically stage a huge convention and party and present next seasons shows to advertisers so they buy commercial space now, hence the term “upfront”) so it’s pretty important that they have a cast in place for the highest rated comedy on television, ‘Two And A Half Men’. Which is the only reason I can think of for them to settle on Ashton Kutcher to replace Charlie Sheen.

Broadcasting and Cable broke the story last night, then Kutcher went on his twitter and posted that square root question in the headline (the answer is 2.5 of course), and today the Hollywood Reporter says the deal is all but done.

Two sources (say Kutcher) is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV’s No. 1 comedy.
CBS, Warner Bros. and Kutcher’s reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a “huge payday” to join the hit sitcom.
The deal came together quickly in the wake of Hugh Grant passing on the opportunity to join the show. Now sources say Men creator Chuck Lorre has crafted a storyline to introduce Kutcher in a way that satisfies the network and studio. “It’s really funny,” says one source. “People are going to love it.”

Woah, easy dude. Let’s not get carried away and start throwing around words like “love” and “funny” when describing Ashton Kutcher or ‘Two And A Half Men’. Ashton hasn’t been in anything good for 10 years, and that includes Demi Moore.

Charlie Sheen got dumped by Bree Olson

By brendon April 25, 2011 @ 1:51 PM

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If there’s one thing I know about porn stars, it’s that they’re perfect girlfriend material. Steady as a rock, they are. So I was surprised when pictures of Charlie Sheen on his Torpedo of Truth tour last week only showed him with one goddess, only one of his two girlfriends, and zero hot ones. Where was Bree Olson?

That was rhetorical, by the way. She went home, and she went on twitter.

“It feels SO GOOD to be home! I was very homesick so it’s good to be back with my family and friends. I love home, Dr.Sniffles & you guys!”

And now Sheen says she’s officially broken up with him, he got punked by Dr. Sniffles, and she did in a text message no less. The Hollywood Reporter says

The actor kicked off the show by revealing that one of his goddesses, Rachel “Bree” Olson, had broken up with him via text message. During the Q&A session later, one fan asked Sheen how he handled two women at once without turning to polygamy. He replied, “Not well, because one left.”

Not only did he get dumped, but he had to give away tickets to this show in Ft. Lauderdale, and even then it was only about a third full. Aww, poor Charlie. Looks like someone could use a pick-me-up bouquet. It has a teddy bear holding a heart!

(image source = splash news)

Charlie Sheen is still a boring old drunk

By brendon April 20, 2011 @ 12:13 PM

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Charlie Sheen still has another 9 tour dates planned for his Torpedo of Truth tour, and if there’s a city on there that wants to hear a bitter washed up drunk sit still and mumble, he should be all set.

Last night he was on stage in DC, while everyone else was in the parking lot on the way home. The Washington Post says the, “crowd quaked with catcalls whenever Sheen wasn’t talking about doing drugs or manhandling women”, and when he tried to get profound…

“SHUT THE [EXPLETIVE] UP AND SAY SOMETHING WEIRD,” someone yelled.

TMZ said…

Charlie Sheen’s got another bomb on his hands — our spies in D.C. tell us people are pouring out of his show early tonight.

And the Washington Times wrote…

Throughout the evening, attendees boo’ed, left the auditorium, and screamed for Sheen to “be funnier.”

So apparently the nicest thing that can be said about this is that, in that last review, if you crossed out some of the words and only read is, “attendees boo’ed … and screamed”, it sort of makes it sound like a haunted house.

Charlie Sheen lost big in court today

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

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It might seem weird for a judge in a custody case to decide that a mother who is in drug rehab because she relapsed last week is still a fit parent, but in this case the father is Charlie Sheen. And he came to court with a prostitute. “Fit parent” is a relative term. Radar says…

Sheen lost his fight against his estranged wife Brooke Mueller for full custody of their two-year-old twin sons, Max and Bob.
According to a source, a judge in Los Angeles presiding over a closed door hearing just allowed Mueller to maintain primary legal and physical custody despite a well-publicized relapse in her crack cocaine addiction.
(While) Mueller undergoes drug treatment at an undisclosed rehab facility, her mother will provide primary care for the boys.

Obviously the real victim in this case is me and you. We’re the ones who are gonna get run over by those bastard kids in 15 years. Not only should they be taken away from both of these dipshits immediately, they should be whacked in the head until they forget where they came from and then given a blood transfusion with blood from Drew Brees or someone good like that.