By Travis January 17, 2014 @ 2:25 PM
Charlize Theron stopped by the Coffee Bean in Los Angeles the other day for a little pick-me-up, but then the strangest thing happened. I could have sworn that these photos showed her walking out of the store one minute, but the next minute she just completely vanished. All that was left where she once stood was a floating coffee cup. She must be some kind of a magician or a wicked sorceress to pull off this kind of black magic, but hopefully she knows how to bring herself back from whichever alternate dimension she warped herself to.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 7:09 PM
Hard to believe it’s already the third annual Sean Penn and Friends Help Haiti Gala. Let’s not be coy here, Sean Penn doesn’t have any friends. This is all Sean Penn. He’s lifting Haiti like mighty Atlas, aided only by as much liquid human growth hormone as Charlize Theron is willing to shoot into his scaly ass cheeks without getting the willies. When Sean Penn first started his mission in post-Earthquake Haiti, the nation was as downtrodden, impoverished, and corrupt a nation as you’d find on this planet. Three years later and you could easily argue that Congo is worse. Sometimes, making a difference means putting on a suit and showing off your hot new young girlfriend at a Beverly Hills hotel. Sean Penn will do that. Three times now.
Photo Credit: PCN
By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 1:50 PM
I don’t know what voodoo power resides in the Penn penis but it’s fucking disturbing. It’s some black sorcery that the NSA ought to investigate rather than listening to me talk dirty to a woman who I secretly worry is really a man. We can’t let Al Qaeda get their hands on that magic cock. Charlize Theron isn’t exactly the homely chick looking to settle. Sean Penn whipped out his shaft and told Charlize she would be taking his gift for the next three to six months. Charlize nodded her head compliantly, turned on the soundtrack to Colors, and told Sean to tag her like a vato. When Sean was spent, Charlize got in line at Starbucks to get her master a half-soy latte. Sean sat in the car pensively wondering how many more years he had before the devil came to collect on his soul.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex December 31, 2013 @ 6:18 PM
Guess what, bub. Life isn’t fair. 2013, the year before, the coming year, makes no difference. Sean Penn gets to bang Scarlett Johansson, now Charlize Theron. Next he’ll travel back to the 70′s and nail pre-ass cancer Farrah and scale Mount Olympus with his HGH popping older man muscles and rail the snot out of Aphrodite. It doesn’t make sense. I know. But it’s happening. You could lay back and be thankful for all the gifts in your life. But where the hell will that get you? You think Bill Gates stopped making his shitty software when the rest of the world started making everything better and cheaper? No. He destroyed and bullied the entire world into submission and put out ten even more crappy versions of Windows and whatever the fuck Access is. Don’t let Sean Penn get all the good pussy. You know you deserve it more than he does. Build a machine that will destroy him and launch it on no-return autopilot in case you lose the will to go through with what must be done. You didn’t hear that from me, but let me know when it’s done.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash
By Travis December 10, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Charlize Theron and Bono were among the celebrities and political leaders who gathered at the FNB Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa this morning to pay tribute to Nelson Mandela, and boy did it look like they were having a good time. They were probably talking about what a comic genius Mandela was known as among his friends, with jokes like, “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was forced to live separate from others” and “Knock knock…” “Who’s there?” “Me, I just got out of prison after 28 years!” In fact, if Mandela hadn’t just passed away, he probably would have been hanging out on his futon with Charlize, just watching old episodes of Seinfeld.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex May 06, 2013 @ 1:49 PM
I hate to see a good looking woman flipping people off. What could possibly make a wealthy, attractive, award-winning woman like Charlize Theron so angry? I’m guessing it’s her horrible haircut. It looks like the ‘Steve’ at my local Supercuts where you now point to a photo of a guy in a picture array whose hair you want. Unless you speak decent Serbian, it’s really for the best. I’ve been there dozens of times and never heard anybody call for the ‘Steve’. ‘Steve’ looks like a retard. I guess Charlize messed up and now she’s flipping the middle finger. Fucking, Steve hair.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet