50 Cent Backs Chelsea Handler’s ‘Notice Me, Goddamit’ Campaign

By Lex December 30, 2014 @ 8:18 AM

50Cent Fully Supports Ex Girlfriend Chelsea Handlers Topless Photos
50 Cent backed his former slag in posting topless photos on social media pretending it’s a form of political protest and not an obvious attention grab. It’s just nice to see a rapper blindly supporting the only chick he used to bang who didn’t produce a financial anchor baby. Chelsea Handler is longing for the spotlight like almost no celebrity who’s left the stage before her. It’s post tit pics or gruesome suicide. Obviously, she has chosen to ignore my advice.

Photo Credit: Instagram

The Year of Chelsea Handler Naked Protests Nobody Cared About

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 11:11 AM

Best Of 2014 Chelsea Handler Naked Protest
I’ve always had a soft spot for the women desperate for attention. They’re the mainstay of my own dating life. I don’t hold Chelsea Handler in any disregard for swallowing the man’s chowder to catch her break. Fuck the judgmental people who don’t understand the laws of supply and demand in the entertainment job market. People get killed in the streets over a few dollars. You can fuck the boss for a $20 million talk show deal. It’s the holidays. I’m feeling especially kindly. Stop flopping out your teat on social media and let’s be friends.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter

Chelsea Handler Seems Really Fucking Bored

By Lex December 02, 2014 @ 10:54 AM

Chelsea Handler Posts Butt Photo To Instagram
Chelsea Handler is now the person who retired too soon from work without any pressing hobby. I remember this well from when I was younger and grandpa suddenly started calling to talk about hockey. If I were Chelsea Handler I’d spend my days thanking the SanterĂ­a statue I rubbed each day to give me fame and fortune in a career I was maybe half good at and having sex with handsome young men looking for a break in Hollywood. That’s the gold watch of retirement in this town. Posting bare ass and tit shots on social media is better left to the daughters of men who wish they’d had a son. It’s not a fun game if you’re the only one enjoying it.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Chelsea Handler Tits Again

By Lex November 25, 2014 @ 12:13 PM

Chelsea Handler Bare Breasted On A Stereo
Given all the knee-jerk celebrity Ferguson tweets today, dare I say it’s refreshing to see Chelsea Handler firing off another look at me now bare tit bomb on social media. Fuck yeah. I dare. Tits are better than white liberal guilt even when slung over a boombox like a French fuck and an En Vogue CD comes with each stereo purchase. Chelsea Handler wants attention so very badly. At least her intentions are pure.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Chelsea Handler Not Quitting

By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 12:43 PM

Chelsea Handler Poses In Bikini Style Underwear On Her Twitter
I think we have thirty-seven months until Chelsea Handler’s failed show on Netflix launches. I’m going to wait for the DVDs which means another seven Netflix years before I see her interview the Kardashians, but this time about the really serious stuff. In the interim, Chelsea is adopting the lifestyle of a woman who writes naughty letters to inmates, sending off poorly contrived underwear photos she spent six hours making look perfectly candid. Prisoners are pretty generous with their comments. Us free persons need to hold Chelsea Handler to a higher standard of desperate attention seeking. She needs to add live venomous snakes or drinking red eye cocktails with Bill Cosby in his bungalow. Until then I’d like to find the person taking these photos and ask them on a scale of one to ten how fulfilling they find their job.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Chelsea Handler Seems Somewhat Needy

By Lex November 12, 2014 @ 9:28 AM

Chelsea Handler Posts Booty Pic To Twitter
Somebody please arrange a ceasefire with Chelsea Handler’s naked cries for attention. Maybe we all agree to look at her next photo and give her a ‘I Luvs U Chels!’ and she agrees to be dropped into a hole drilled through the earth’s mantle and see if Gaia shits her out in a Beijing KFC. Nobody seemed to care that Handler shut down her Instagram account after nobody seemed to care about the ruddy topless candids she kept posting. Mark Zuckerberg is an easy target because he weighs maybe a buck twenty and vomits at the sight of female genitalia. Handler’s relocated to Twitter which allows nudity because that is inevitably how they will keep the lights on. I’m not sure where this nude protest eventually leads, I just know I wish it was anybody other than Chelsea Handler.

Photo Credit: Twitter