By Lex October 17, 2014 @ 11:38 AM
I’ve never done shit by popular demand. I don’t care to be popular. I’m mildly dyslexic, which means I hate the world for making me an ogre. But when a bunch of you including one girl who is all that really matters asked to see Jason Biggs peeing on Chelsea Handler’s head, fuck, why not.
I was going to read the amusing backstory that goes with this whizzing moment, but I knew it would only ruin for me what I can more blindly categorize as a dipshit pissing on a human urinal cake. Now I can have a good laugh, but backwards since I’m mildly dyslexic like Rex Ryan and Cher and a bunch of other famous dudes who have trouble getting laid.
By Jack October 16, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Jason Biggs made all of our dreams come true by pissing on Chelsea Handler’s stupid fucking face. The incident happened on a boat in which the Jewish kid from American Pie dribbled his vinegar on Chelsea’s head.
Watch the golden shower in its full crappy video quality glory. (The Superficial)
You know when you go to Walmart and start raping all the stuffed animals…(TMZ)
Nicole Scherzinger can’t sing but does have some nice titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)
Were Kelly Brook’s tits always that big? (Hollywood Tuna)
Georgia Fowler is highly fappable in a bunch of bikinis. (Popoholic)
Ben Affleck’s Robin might be a woman because feminism. (Moviepilot)
Joan Rivers cause of death was loss of oxygen to the brain…isn’t that everyone’s cause of death? (Huffington Post)
By Lex October 07, 2014 @ 10:52 AM
Knowing the hackers attempted twenty thousand passwords to break into Kate Upton’s account while they tried ‘WillFuckForWork’ with yours and then moved on hit Chelsea Handler’s ego somewhat hard. She pretends to be a rock, just like she pretends to be a comedian, but deep down, it has to wound any woman to know she wasn’t picked for the nude photos violations team. No, that’s not tantamount to saying women want to be raped, shut the fuck up.
Chelsea responded to her exclusion from the photo hacking scandal by posting a picture of her tit to Twitter. I found the visual experience more sad than thrilling. Kind of like when you step into a strip club at 2pm on a Monday and see the girls working the dregs shift with bruises from their stepdad still visible. I stick around and throw them a couple bones. I too would like to enter the kingdom of heaven.
By Lex August 15, 2014 @ 8:49 AM
I’ve come to see Chelesa Handler in a different light now that she’s wrapping up her show. Once you consider that fucking the right people and drowning your regrets in booze is the standard apprentice track for Hollywood, she’s no different than Sam Walton. If men could fuck their way to the top, they would. We do it even when it gets us nowhere. Chelsea Handler managed to turn the rhetorical ‘What is up with Britney Spears?’ set to a canned laugh track into a dedicated audience of women and gay men on the coasts. She’s younger than Joan Rivers and she’s not as hard to look at as Kathy Griffin. Comedy is all about timing. Success is all about positioning.
Photo Credit: Chelsea Handler/Instagram
By Lex December 31, 2013 @ 6:01 PM
Classic sign that Chelsea Handler is looking for a better gig or a new boyfriend, or a new boyfriend who can ger her a better gig. Leg in a cast rendering her unable to flee. Bare ass out on the hotel room bed. If you’re a V.P. or above at a studio or network, lay feast upon a piece of tail you might want to get into. You will need at least the authority to green-light a sitcom without a strong script and terminate anybody who makes jokes at work about Chelsea humping you just to get shit. Seems like a decent deal. She’s got a nice ass. In general, I say if it’s good enough for 50 Cent, it’s good enough for me. That may not be my exact saying.
Photo Credit: Chelsea Handler/Twitter
By Travis December 30, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
According to some people I’ve never met, Chelsea Handler is very funny and highly-respected in Hollywood as a comic and talk show host, and when I thought she was in her late 40s, that made a lot of sense, because I thought she’d put in a lot of hard work in her long career. But she’s actually only 38-years old, which blew my mind this morning, and that might explain why she’s willing to show off her ass for everyone on Twitter. Regardless, Chelsea has been spending her holiday being terrible at skiing, which is why she’s wearing that cast that is located directly below her bare ass if you’ve bothered to look away at all.