Chelsea Handler Topless Panhandling

By Lex January 24, 2016 @ 6:14 PM

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Chelsea Handler interviewed the former Twitter CEO about why he refused to ban her topless social media photos. It kind of fucked up her one and only plan to get noticed. To prove a point she’d not made, Handler walked topless in front of the Twitter office on camera waiting to be arrested by the San Francisco police. Somebody on her team needs to throw out a new idea. Where’s the little Mexican dude? Right. Doing more porn. At least somebody’s being productive.

Handler badly needs attention for her underwhelming Netflix special or Netflix might wonder if giving her a daily talk show is as horrible an idea as it sounds to those she doesn’t blow. Handler’s comic friend trumped up some story this week about Handler being a horrible boss because any publicity is good publicity. Also, she has no ability to generate actual good publicity. If Handler fades any further from the media landscape there’s a risk her body will lose corporeality and be whisked into a vodka bottle belonging to Margaret Cho’s EEOC advocate. Can I tell you the real reason single women over forty in Hollywood adopt African babies?

Photo credit: Chelsea Does Silicon Valley/Netflix

Heather McDonald Shits on Chelsea Handler

By Lex January 18, 2016 @ 7:45 AM

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Self-described comedian Heather McDonald went on the podcast of two super sympathetic guys to bitch about how Chelsea Handler dumped her without notice. This is when Handler called it quits at E! because there was nobody left to shtup for a raise. The unintended consequence of championing the hiring of more female executives in her time there.

McDonald was one of the minion of lesser known stand-ups Handler employed on her show to make herself appear comparatively funny. Only Handler could tell the tired Britney and Lindsay jokes her cravenly gay audience demanded. When Handler got her new show on Netflix, she failed to notify her underlings ostensibly because she didn’t want a half dozen broke-ass comedians begging for jobs. McDonald explains how she lived in constant fear of Handler while working on Chelsea Lately because Handler was a super tough boss. She made you work hard and was demanding and didn’t join in on birthday cake sing alongs for the staff. She sounds horrible. I’m glad nobody else in the world has a boss like that.

Chelsea Handler is a one-note, two tit, mediocre entertainer who has bullied her way to the top with spit and gumption and sex. That last part is the only thing admirable about her. That’s how you get ahead in a tough business. If you’re a linebacker, you injure opposing QB’s to get noticed. Don’t hate the player. But if you do, do so because she substituted knowing grins at the camera set to pre-recorded hoots for actual jokes. Comedy is hard, drinking is easier. When does this Netflix show start? I’ve missed Rob Kardashian.

Photo Credit: Twitter

The Best of Both Worlds

By Lex September 03, 2015 @ 8:25 AM

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When Chelsea Handler returns to television in just forty-seven more off-putting selfies, she will doing so with the Executive Producer of The View running her show. Merging two insipid shitty talk show forces can only result in stupendous. Like when the nurse treats you for a paper cut and you learn you have terminal cancer. Who cares about a silly paper cut now? You match the ribald unscripted wit of Chelsea Handler along with the whip-around quippy genius of The View and you can start etching the show name on LGBT Inspiration Awards for the next decade. Imagine Joy Behar with a laugh track and some 2003 Britney Spears zingers. I know, I just set my DVR for eighteen months from now as well. How many clicks to cancel Netflix again?

Chelsea Handler Keeps It Coming

By Matt August 28, 2015 @ 8:15 AM

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Chelsea Handler’s talk show on Netflix should be coming out around 2019 or once we discover water on Mars, which ever comes last. These shenanigans appear to be a bid to stay relevant following her run of Chelsea Lately, as unfortunately once you turn forty as a woman the world often forgets about you. Which is happening no matter how many tit pics you inundate the Library of Congress with. Handler only had to fuck the head of programming at E! for a few weeks to get her original show and immediately stop after signing the contract. That’s unprofessional, sir. He was rewarded with a better job. No such behavior goes on at Netflix. The future is going to be much more progressive. Meaning the show will be cancelled immediately.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Chelsea Handler WTF

By Matt August 27, 2015 @ 6:35 AM

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Chelsea Handler posted this photo while holding what appears to be an apple over several of her ingrown hairs. I don’t see the connection. Namely because apples are delicious. She captioned the photo with:

“Look at my hair. Something must have happened while I slumbered.”

Yeah it appears you got kind of old. Stick to the classic circadian rhythm, going several years at once is bad for you. This could possibly be Handler just trying to be weird like how Miley Cyrus and all the kids are doing. The result is, you need to see somebody. Namely your agent, this smart phone thing wasn’t such a good idea. Please don’t put that apple back in the fridge.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Chelsea Handler Won’t Change Horses Midstream (VIDEO)

By Lex July 08, 2015 @ 11:56 AM

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The Wright Brothers didn’t take flight on their first attempt. It took decades from Kitty Hawk flops before bored business travelers were getting loaded and scrumping in the lavatories on the way to O’Hare. Chelsea Handler is committed to staying relevant by posting herself topless to Instagram then having her photos removed for violating no chick nipple policies. Whatever equal rights advocates originally stood behind her, they’ve all since abandoned ship realizing this actually isn’t what Elizabeth Cady Stanton would be doing if she were alive today. Chelsea Handler is in real danger of becoming a topless chick nobody turns to look at. It’s the most heinous of fates.