Chelsea Handler Stripped, Not Beaten

By Lex April 29, 2015 @ 11:09 AM

Chelsea Handler In Lingerie For Insta
The road toward Chelsea Handler blowing downed grazing animals for attention points is growing tiresome. This is what happens when you reach into your bag of tricks and find only morning after pills and the expired Yoo-hoo bottle you’re keeping because it has 50 Cents fingerprints. Handler claimed this self-published underwear photo was to promote her Late Night with Seth Meyers appearance tonight. It’s hard to imagine anybody makes the decision that seeing this laugh track in her bra and panties is reason to be tired at work the next morning. I can see virtually the same in the before pictures on any plastic surgeon’s website. And the women in those pictures don’t feel obliged to pretend that everything’s okay.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Chelsea Handler Tits Not Working, Moves On

By Lex April 14, 2015 @ 1:23 PM

Chelsea Handler Flashes Butt
When the front isn’t working, why not turn around. That’s some Henry Ford type next level thinking. Chelsea Handler’s attempt to keep her name in the press by means of bare tit shows on social media was something of a fail beyond her klatch of queens and jocularly crippled. She’s moved on to ass shots. Will it work? Fuck if I know. When you’re digging out of prison you don’t always have the option of choosing spoon or fork. You just dig.

Photo Credit: Instagram/WWTDD Archives

Chelsea Handler Super Close to Being Raped By Cosby

By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 1:38 PM

Chelsea-Handler-on-E-in-2005

Chelsea Handler suddenly remembers she was almost Cos-Raped ten years ago in an Atlantic City hotel where she was performing standup. She remembers being with three dudes who were maybe filming her for something she can’t remember. So, sex tape. A manager from the hotel came and told her Bill Cosby was also performing at the hotel and wanted to invite her for an afternoon visit to his hotel room. Unlike every other woman in the Cosby allegations spanning fifty years, Handler sensed something awry.

That’s really weird. I don’t want to go alone.’ I go, ‘I don’t know him.’ So the three guys I was with –thank God these guys were with me. One was filming and one was like a producer; we were filming something –I brought them up with me to his room and thank God I did, because now I know what would’ve happened if I went up there alone.

It’s unclear whether or not Handler is making up the story now because she’s desperate for attention or she’s not making up the story now because she’s desperate for attention. She learned one valuable lesson that day — fuck the chief at E! and you’ll get more than just a roofie hangover. Make that now thirty woman who have come forward claiming Cosby drugged them and assaulted them and and one woman who claims this shit almost kind of sort of could’ve happened. Was your topless selfie camera not working today, Chelsea? Back to the galleys.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Chelsea Handler In Denial

By Matt March 05, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

Hnad

Chelsea Handler’s tits are real which isn’t super shocking since they look real. She has no kids and God granted the Chosen women with decent sized knobs. Handler shot down a report that she’d had them lifted although it was just a lame excuse to show her tits again. We’re not laughing with you, Chelsea, we’re peeing on you.

“Um…there have been a lot of men who’ve touched my boobies, but not one of them has ever been a doctor. Here idiots. A totally sober portrayal of proof.”

This solely proves you’re the only person still amused by this. You’re laying down and showing your tits. Will it be twice as exciting when you bust them out on top of Everest? The answer is a resounding no. How are you only forty?

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Chelsea Handler Has a Brand New Old Bag

By Lex February 26, 2015 @ 9:41 AM

Chelsea Handler Bare Boobs On Whitney Cummings
Give Chelsea Handler some credit. When people stopped looking, she mixed things up. Change or die. Shove your mams in Whitney Cumming’s face. It’s fresh. A couple comedienne sevens gay baiting Instagram during their respective forever hiatuses from television. Next pic she’s titty fucking the new Ray Lewis statue or I’m canceling my subscription again.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Chelsea Handler Tits Are The New Measles

By Lex February 18, 2015 @ 9:12 AM

Chelsea Handler Flashes A Topless Pic During Mardi Gras
Whatever is compelling Chelsea Handler to flash her tits around the globe, it’s simply not going to stop. The laugh track backed comedian has a contingency whereby even if she is killed, thousands of these topless photos get distributed through a dispersed network of loyalist Nancies on Twitter. It’ll be the day we all come together and agree it’s time the Internet was shut down and buried in a subterranean cave for the talking apes to discover in the next millennium.

Photo Credit: Twitter