When Chelsea Handler returns to television in just forty-seven more off-putting selfies, she will doing so with the Executive Producer of The View running her show. Merging two insipid shitty talk show forces can only result in stupendous. Like when the nurse treats you for a paper cut and you learn you have terminal cancer. Who cares about a silly paper cut now? You match the ribald unscripted wit of Chelsea Handler along with the whip-around quippy genius of The View and you can start etching the show name on LGBT Inspiration Awards for the next decade. Imagine Joy Behar with a laugh track and some 2003 Britney Spears zingers. I know, I just set my DVR for eighteen months from now as well. How many clicks to cancel Netflix again?
Chelsea Handler’s talk show on Netflix should be coming out around 2019 or once we discover water on Mars, which ever comes last. These shenanigans appear to be a bid to stay relevant following her run of Chelsea Lately, as unfortunately once you turn forty as a woman the world often forgets about you. Which is happening no matter how many tit pics you inundate the Library of Congress with. Handler only had to fuck the head of programming at E! for a few weeks to get her original show and immediately stop after signing the contract. That’s unprofessional, sir. He was rewarded with a better job. No such behavior goes on at Netflix. The future is going to be much more progressive. Meaning the show will be cancelled immediately.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Chelsea Handler posted this photo while holding what appears to be an apple over several of her ingrown hairs. I don’t see the connection. Namely because apples are delicious. She captioned the photo with:
“Look at my hair. Something must have happened while I slumbered.”
Yeah it appears you got kind of old. Stick to the classic circadian rhythm, going several years at once is bad for you. This could possibly be Handler just trying to be weird like how Miley Cyrus and all the kids are doing. The result is, you need to see somebody. Namely your agent, this smart phone thing wasn’t such a good idea. Please don’t put that apple back in the fridge.
Photo Credit: Instagram
The Wright Brothers didn’t take flight on their first attempt. It took decades from Kitty Hawk flops before bored business travelers were getting loaded and scrumping in the lavatories on the way to O’Hare. Chelsea Handler is committed to staying relevant by posting herself topless to Instagram then having her photos removed for violating no chick nipple policies. Whatever equal rights advocates originally stood behind her, they’ve all since abandoned ship realizing this actually isn’t what Elizabeth Cady Stanton would be doing if she were alive today. Chelsea Handler is in real danger of becoming a topless chick nobody turns to look at. It’s the most heinous of fates.
Happy Independence Day!! pic.twitter.com/busd3eMfAd
— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) July 4, 2015
Not so long ago Chelsea Handler accepted Hollywood senior executive penis into her private parts and earned a TV talk show. Now she’s flashing tits and can’t even book an Internet gig. Fading beauty seems like an unsupported premise. Handler will likely tell you this is all just a silly joke, unless you got a lead for her, then maybe it’s not. I know there’s no ‘i’ in the word cumdumpster. Why do you ask?
The Chelsea Handler self-satisfied tit parade continued on Twitter where Handler has advanced the ball on equal topless rights for women by about two tit yards. Chelsea has forced me to think more about how much I hate dudes who jog or workout topless as if their strenuous exercise made a shirt simply too burdensome. There’s not a single person over twelve who doesn’t understand what you’re doing, dickweed. I’d just assume everybody wear clothes in public and then slender attractive women go home and share their bare bodies on web cameras like God intended. If Chelsea has to keep posting pictures of herself topless sucking in her gut to make this happen. So be it. Two years of unemployment has done worse to people.
Photo Credit: Twitter