Chris Brown Learns It’s Not OK To Beat Women (VIDEO)

By Jack April 01, 2013 @ 2:11 PM

Chris Brown sat down with the folks at the Today show to talk about his relationship to Rhianna. He revealed to Matt Lauer that while in court appointed counseling he learned that beating women to a pulp is not a good thing.

This dude is 23 years old and he’s just now finding out that you shouldn’t beat a woman so bad that she has to go to the hospital. Putting aside for a moment how monumentally stupid it is for Rhianna to get back together with a psychopath with a rage disorder, just how fucking stupid is this dancing Auto-Tune? Didn’t his mama teach him that you never EVER hit a woman? There’s no ‘First One’s Free’ gaming promotion on smacking a woman. Here’s an idea, go throw a punch at a dude much bigger and stronger than you, so, basically, any other dude besides Drake, and see what happens. In fact, go do that a lot. Asshole.

Rihanna Is Serving Us, Going To Marry Chris Brown

By Steve G. March 20, 2013 @ 12:50 PM

Game. Set. Match. Rihanna.

A source close to the singer, 25, reveals: ‘This is her “F-ck you!” to the world.’ Unsurprisingly, the couple are planning to break with tradition at their wedding, which is likely to happen on a beach near the Sandy Lane resort. ‘Rihanna doesn’t want a big dress or boring old confetti,’ says our insider. ‘She wants to get married in her bikini and have a carnival atmosphere. ‘They want it to be relaxed and fun, like a “playground”, and to celebrate with the people who have stood by them.’

She wins. All I get is a life without fear of a serious beatdown anytime I so much as break wind. Meanwhile this Caribbean queen gets to walk off into the sunset with the mentally unstable asshole of her dreams. Pour it up indeed.

These two are like a trashier version of Mickey and Mallory. And those two killed for fun. Can’t wait to watch the highlights of the wedding video where Chris beats the shit out of Rihanna because she was standing a little too close to the priest and he thought his bitch was getting all up on him. That busted lip is just ‘playground’ baby.

Chris Brown Threatens Parking Attendants on Principle

By Steve G. March 08, 2013 @ 8:29 AM

Chris Brown says the reason he lost his temper and threatened a valet Wednesday night was because the guy tried to fleece him.

…the valet outside PINZ bowling alley in Studio City, CA — where Chris was attending a charity event — was supposed to charge $5 a pop … but when Chris tried to pick his car up, the valet tried to scam him by charging $10.The source says other people who parked at PINZ last night were charged $5. Chris believes he was singled out because he’s famous.Chris says it’s not about the money … it’s the principle of the thing.

Oh ok. Well that settles that. Chris Brown is just a man of the people sticking up for what’s right and not just a giant prick. He’s like Batman. If Batman had decided not to grow up to be a superhero and protect those who can’t protect themselves and instead chose to became a raging asshole who went around tasering gay rappers and beating the shit out of women because fuck them, on principle. We were too quick to judge, we know that now. Sorry Chris.  Also I hope you get Lou Gehrig Disease.

Chris Brown Tries Not to Be a Dick, Fails

By Johnny Redd March 07, 2013 @ 1:50 PM

People who point to Chris Brown beating on Rihanna as the sign of his douchebaggery just aren’t digging deep enough. Chris Brown is a shit stain on so many levels, hitting a woman only scratches the surface. But is Chris really to blame or does life just keep throwing him curveballs?

What’s a top bottom verstaile R&B star to do when your bodyguard is not giving you respect? You’ve got to kick his ass off your private jet refueling in Bermuda. Pal or no pal, your bodyguard has to give you your propers. Did he forget somewhere over the Atlantic that you’re the fucking Chris Brown?

And when a valet at a kids’ bowling alley charity event asks you for $10 to cover your parking, you’ve got to get your up in his grill and lay some knowledge on him as to who he’s fucking with. Did he not see your signature diamond earring studs? Dumbass valet. You’re lucky you didn’t get capped.

Someday, Chris Brown is going to get his comeuppance. Hopefully it won’t be a bullet through his arm by Jimmy from Degrassi or some shit like that where he gets to brag about his gangster lifestyle . More like a deep bowel ass-raping by an escaped Russian circus bear. That’s hard to spin into street cred.

Rihanna Came To Her Senses And Got A Restraining Order

By Photo Boy February 27, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

Oh shit, must have left the wrong pic up there.

In what couldn’t have been a more perfect turn of events yesterday, Rihanna filed a restraining order against some random dude who broke into her house and slept in her bed, while the guy who bit her face like a spoiled toddler gave an interview professing their love:

Brown told the UK Mirror, “Sometimes you row, you fight, with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals.”
He added, “But she loves me — what can I say? I’m forgiven … but, yes, I worked hard for it.”

“Stuff spirals.” That’s the casual way a sensitive, tender lover like Chris Brown describes the time he beat the shit out of a woman’s face for looking at his phone. I honestly don’t know if it’s worse to be as arrogant as Chris or as vapid as Rihanna. The only positive here is that sometimes when two wastes of life find each other, natural selection steps in and goes “So who wants guns?”

Image Source – Pacific Coast News

Chris Brown was a dick at the Grammys. Shocking, huh?

By brendon February 11, 2013 @ 12:18 PM


It still ranks way behind other things he’s done at the Grammy Awards, but Chris Brown once again showed what a classless dick he is by refusing to stand after Frank Ocean made his way to the stage to accept the award for Best Urban Contemporary Album, an award Brown was also nominated for (that’s him dressed all in white, like a child magician).

And Brown should have even been in a good mood because Rihanna was his date. And she looked terrific.

Of course, as we know, looking good at the beginning of a date with Chris Brown is the easy part. It’s looking good at the end where things get dicey.