Drake And Chris Brown Don’t Have To Pay Shit To Club

By Jack July 22, 2013 @ 5:08 PM

A judge threw out a lawsuit aimed at feuding hip hop assmunches Drake and Chris Brown. A company called Entertainment Enterprises (that’s vague and porny enough) sued the dimwits for 16 million dollars after they got into a massive brawl and tore up… a completely different club. Entertainment Enterprises owns a club called Greenhouse which is next door to W.i.P. Lounge where the fight actually took place. Entertainment Enterprises claims that their place got a bad rap because of the rapper fight next door and people stopped coming. The judge told them to STFU and to stop filing stupid lawsuits. Which even though it’s right means that Drake and Chris Brown face little to no consequences for their bottle tossing entourage girly fight. Other than being thought of as total dicks by most of the world. But I can tell you firsthand that’s not much of a punishment.

Chris Brown Partied With Playboy Models (VIDEO)

By Travis July 17, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

On one hand, it’s probably the least surprising revelation of the year that when told Monday that his probation was revoked and that he’d have to appear in court in August to face possible jail time, Chris Brown went and partied at the Playboy Mansion one night later. I don’t really blame him, either, because we all know that there’s a better chance of Brown curing cancer than serving time in Los Angeles.

But it’s also nice to see so many young women crowding around the guy famous for beating Rihanna senseless, because you know that somewhere their fathers are praying for swift deaths.

Chris Brown’s Probation Was Revoked

By Travis July 16, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Back in May, Chris Brown and a woman named Olga Gure were in a minor traffic accident, after which he claimed in a long, pathetic, angry Twitter rant that there was no damage to either car and he did not give her false insurance information or the wrong driver’s license, despite reports of the contrary. Gure accused Brown of becoming enraged after she took a picture of him and his girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, while “documenting” the accident, which left her with an estimated $868 in damages to her Mercedes.

Brown, of course, claimed that he gave Gure all of the correct information and she’s just looking for a payday, but a Los Angeles judge apparently coughed while shouting, “Bullshit!” yesterday, because Brown’s probation has been revoked. Brown will return to court on August 16 to determine if he’ll have to serve any jail time from his original offense of beating the shit out of Rihanna.

Of course, it’s still Los Angeles, so he’ll probably be handed a bag of gold coins and be named Mayor for Life.

(Photo Credit: WENN.com)

Chris Brown Charged With Hit and Run (VIDEO)

By Lex June 25, 2013 @ 2:12 PM

Most everybody hates Chris Brown. Who wouldn’t love to hear tales of him fronting as a badass in prison by day, being sodomized by entire cell blocks of hard-timers after lights out. But this shit about busting hardcore idiots for mostly nothing has got to stop. Rear-ending a Mercedes in Beverly Hills and not providing your license to the driver of the other car? I guess that’s a crime. So is not volunteering to pay sales taxes on your Amazon purchases. How are you doing with that? Either way, looks like the L.A. City attorney is filing hit and run charges for the ‘crime’ (see above) which wouldn’t mean much except that Chris Brown is still on probation for his infamous woman beating on Rihanna. Which could mean four years in prison for Chris. Only, it won’t. Because he’s a celebrity. So, mostly, nothing really happened today to Chris Brown.

Chris Brown Solves the Healthcare Crisis

By Jack June 19, 2013 @ 11:46 AM

Chris Brown has entered the contentious debate over healthcare by declaring on Twitter that everyone should have free access to medical care. This comes on the heels of him ending the multi-generational war between the Bloods and the Crips in his latest music video, Don’t Think They Know. It makes sense that Brown would be interested in affordable healthcare. Not because he’s a humanitarian but because when he puts someone in the hospital through his cowardly acts of aggression, he doesn’t want to have to pay for it. When he beat Rihanna into the ER a few years ago it probably cost quite a bit of money to treat her wounds and pay for the cat scan to check for cerebral bleeding. He doesn’t want to get sent a $10K hospital bill the next time he gets in a bottle throwing fight with someone from Drake’s entourage. Let Obama pay for that shit. Or, you know, wherever it is Obama gets the money. Chris Brown doesn’t have time to drill down on policy, he needs to focus on his art.

Drake Vs. Brown: It Could End Really Badly

By Jack June 18, 2013 @ 11:29 AM

Drake and Chris Brown continue to have their bitchy little prick waving contest over Rihanna and Drake is afraid it’s going to end “badly”. I don’t know if he means gunned down in the street badly or that time Audrina and Lauren fought over Ricky Bobby on The Hills sissy girl badly. I’d go with the latter. Drake was asked about his beef with America’s favorite lady beater in GQ and here is what the suburban childhood actor turned P.R. machine bad-ass had to say:

“I wish we could sit down, just like you and me are right now, and talk it out man-to-man…But that’s not going to happen. I’m not confrontational, but if someone challenges, I’m not going to back down…If I think about it too much, I feel it wrapping around my foot, like I get a feeling it could end really badly.”

I’m not sure what the “wrapping around my foot” stuff is all about,. Does he mean like a pair of socks you’re trying to get on while your feet are still a bit wet from the shower and they just won’t pull over your damn heels. Cause I really hate that. I will tug that fucking sock until it starts to stretch out of shape. That shit will end badly. I get it now. Chris Brown is the sock and Drake is the wet foot. This is old school gangster.