It’s long and at times it's hard to even believe what you're seeing (much like my dong) but everyone should go over here and read the full case notes filed by the LAPD detailing the fight between Chris Brown and Rihanna.  The only way you’ll read anything worse today is if you read thesuperficial.

(that picture was taken yesterday outside of Browns arraignment.  is that a pizza box, by the way?)

Chris Brown did not enter a plea at his arraignment today, and instead asked for a continuance until April 6th, presumably to cut a deal with the prosecuter and avoid a trial.  TMZ explains why…

it seems Brown wants to avoid a trial at all costs because the picture of Rihanna taken one day after the incident — which has not been seen anywhere publicly — is unbelievable.



The new picture is supposed to be shocking, with the bruising and swelling much more gruesome than in the one taken shortly after the fight.  If you're making a list, other shocking things include the bold flavor of Starbucks decaf house blend and lightning.  

It would be a refreshing change of pace if there was even one breaking story that didn’t make Chris Brown sound like a complete sociopath.  I'll be sure to mention it if one comes up.  In the meantime, Us magazine spoke to Rihannas father and he says he has essentially lost all contact with his daughter since she reconciled with Brown last Friday.  

But I can't get her. Her mother can't get her, her brother told me she changed her email. Somebody has a stranglehold on her. I'm lost.  I'll text the old numbers she had, and I call them. One girl answered, and she said, "This is not Robyn's number anymore." I asked, "Do you work for Robyn? Do you deal with Robyn?" And the girl hung up, so I don't know what's going on anymore. I'm lost.

Has anyone even really seen Ri in the last month?  To be the best of my knowledge, there have been 5 pictures of her, total, since all this happened.  5 pictures where you could actually see her face.  How can that be?  There have been more pictures of UFOs in the past month, and those things don’t even exist.

All day long there have been rumors that Chris Brown would cut a deal with prosecutors, but just a few minutes ago he was charged with two felonies for beating Rihanna, specifically assault by means likely to create great bodily injury and criminal threats.  I have no idea what that means.

UPDATE – Brown will be arraigned around 3:30 pct.  He faces a maximum of 4 years and 8 months in jail.   

UPDATE – Us magazine spells out the charges exactly. 

FOX 11 in L.A. somehow got their hands on the notes taken by the LAPD detective investigating Chris Brown for beating the shit out of Rihanna, and the details of that night are every bit as uplifting as you might imagine.  TMZ has a summary:

Rihanna read a three-page text message on Brown's phone from a woman. An argument ensued and Brown allegedly tried forcing Rihanna out of the car but couldn't because she was wearing her seat belt. 

Brown then allegedly shoved Rihanna's head against the passenger window. When Rihanna turned to face him, Brown punched her, then continued punching her while driving.  Blood spattered all over Rihanna's clothing and in the interior of the car. Her mouth was filled with blood. 

Brown allegedly told Rihanna, "I'm going to beat the **** out of you when we get home. You wait and see."

Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there."

Brown then replied, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."

According to the report, Brown continued to punch Rihanna, bit her on her ear, her fingers and put her in a headlock — she almost lost consciousness.

I will say this about Rihanna, that bitch is tough.  She’s like the Terminator.  Chris probably only stopped because he was exhausted, but he never did finish her off.  At one point Chris went to his corner and was overheard saying, she's not human, she's like a piece of iron.  

As more and more comes out about Chris Brown and Rihanna, it seems February 8th wasn’t the first time he beat her ass.  Us magazine hinted once before that there was a pattern of abuse, now TMZ and the National Enquirer say the same.   According to TMZ…

LAPD cops interviewed Rihanna after the attack and she told them Brown had been violent toward her in the past and that the attacks were getting "more violent" as time went on.

And the Enquirer, via Media Take Out, says a source told them this…

Rihanna was applying makeup to her right eye, which I noticed looked puffy and discolored. Her friend said, ‘You’re eye looks [EXPLETIVE] up! He’s an [EXPLETIVE]! Why do you put up with him and let him hit you?’
“Rihanna told her, ‘It’s not his fault. When he hurts me, he’s a beast, but then he turns into my angel … He’ll hit me and then feel bad afterwards, but then he turns into the sweetest man and becomes my angel. He’ll cry like a little baby when he makes it up to me, and that’s the part I love.’”

What the hell is wrong with this girl?  She should date someone like me.  When I'm with a lady, I strum a romantic ballad on my acoustic guitar with a rose in my mouth.