Chris Brown brags about “smashing” Rihanna like a pumpkin

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 12:24 PM

You were wrong if you thought Chris Brown couldn’t be any more of a dickhead but in your defense, you didn’t know he was going to release a remix of the Kanye song ‘TheraFlu’ last night, and say this at the 1:12 mark:

“Don’t fuck with my old bitches
Like a bad fur
Every industry nigga did had her
Trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”

That may or may not be about Rihanna, but she seems to think it is because she unfollowed him on twitter last night, and then a short time later he unfollowed her. And I have to take her word for it because I don’t understand how an ex-girlfriend is like a bad fur, and I can’t even begin to translate “trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”

Is he saying the pumpkin goes trick or treating? And then gets to “smash” Rihanna? So the pumpkin gets to fuck Rihanna? I guess he could mean the pumpkin gets to punch Rihanna after trick or treating but, and I didn’t think it was possible either, but that somehow makes even less sense.

Chris Brown is breeding and selling pit bulls now

By brendon April 27, 2012 @ 1:18 PM


Chris Brown is selling seven pit bull puppies for $1,000 each on a new site called CBBreeds. A name that actually sort of implies that he’s the one fucking the dogs and getting them pregnant but whatever.

A release from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Los Angeles (spcaLA) called Brown a “backyard breeder” and encouraged the singer to use his celebrity to encourage shelter adoptions.
“There is no reason to breed and produce more Pit Bull puppies when there are Pit puppies waiting for homes in every shelter in America,” said spcaLA President, Madeline Bernstein in the statement. “The $1000 price tag for a Chris Brown puppy could be better spent money saving the lives of shelter animals.”

What a dynamite idea. The only thing the public embraces more than guys who beat their girlfriends is young black guys who breed enormous pit bulls. This should get mainstream America back on his side in no time.

Chris Brown looks threatening, better shoot him

By brendon March 30, 2012 @ 5:11 AM


Chris Brown went on twitter today to climb on the Trayvon Martin bandwagon by posting a picture of himself in a hoody. Where’s a concerned Hispanic citizen on a mission to take back the streets when we need one? We need El Batman!

Of course if Brown really wanted to be like Trayvon he would have posted a picture of himself when he was 13, since that’s all the media ever does. Like the picture People magazine uses for it’s cover that is always cropped so you don’t see that it was taken in 2008. Or he should have a twitter name like “NO_LIMIT_NIGGA” and post romantic gems like:

“Hahaha Hoe u got USED fa yo loose ass pussy.! Tighten up.! #Literally.”

Or a second twiiter page under the name “T33ZY_TAUGHT_M3″ for things like

“Plzz shoot da #mf dat lied 2 u!”

Don’t get me wrong, my only point is I hate the fucking media for trying to rile everyone up by portraying this kid as some shy, innocent little angel when that’s obviously not a complete picture, and for making everyone think the shooter is white when he isn’t. Stop trying to incite a race war just because some lone jackass shot a kid. Fuck, I would have shot him just for his grammar no matter what color he was.

Chris Brown’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Make Sense

By author March 13, 2012 @ 2:30 PM


Chris Brown’s girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, made the news recently by engaging in a Twitter fight with Rihanna in which they both actually fight over urban America’s most beloved moonwalking woman-beater. In a new turn of events, and what I’m attributing solely to some sort of brain damage (See: being Chris Brown’s girlfriend, Results of), TMZ reports that Karrueche claims she is afraid of Rihanna’s crazy fans after receiving threatening tweets:

But several of Rihanna’s fans took the joke one step too far — unleashing an avalanche of violent threats on Karrueche … like “I hope Rihanna beat the dog shit outa yo ass!” … “Watch yo back” … and “I will kill you.

Yes, the terrifying fear in this situation comes from Rihanna’s illiterate teenage fans, not Chris Brown’s unpredictable toddleresque rage. Below are images of the happy couple in Chris’ car and what we should already start referring to as Exhibits A-J.

(Image Source = Pacific Coast News)

hey didnt Chris Brown steal some girls iPhone?

By brendon March 07, 2012 @ 6:38 PM


Speaking of Chris Brown, you may remember that he stole an iPhone from this girl a few weeks ago after she took his picture. The Miami Herald says that Tyga, who was with Brown at the time, told police that Brown took the phone because:

(He) was taking two groupies home — not good when one is trying to hook back up with one’s high-profile ex-girlfriend.
Tyga told detectives: “The guy’s trying to get back with Rihanna, and he knows what wouldn’t happen if the photos ended up online.”

Now you might think that “Yeah but I was banging some whores” is a rock-solid legal defense and makes it ok to steal someones $500 phone, but actually it doesn’t. So why hasn’t Brown been arrested? The sometimes reliable Media Take Out says they know:

Rapper Tyga was in the car with Chris when he ALLEGEDLY took the girl’s phone (and) Tyga threw the phone out the car window.
Well, a business associate of Tyga’s went back and retrieved the phone and gave the phone to the to the police! So as we speak, Miami FORENSICS is looking over the phone, to try and determine whether Chris Brown’s FINGERPRINTS are on the phone. If they are, Chris will CERTAINLY be charged.

That whole thing sounds like bullshit, by the way. If his friend already told police that Brown took the phone, it verifies the victims story. What do his fingerprints have to do with anything? He could have wiped those off. Because if there’s one thing Chris Brown has experience at, it’s what to do after committing a crime in a car.

Rihanna is in a twitter fight with Chris Browns girlfriend

By brendon March 07, 2012 @ 6:07 PM


There must be a plan to change Rihannas image from “sympathetic victim” to “hoodrat dumbass”, which is why she collaborated with Chris Brown and insulted her own fans, and now Phase 3 has begun: start a twitter/facebook fight with Chris Browns current girlfriend, a 23-year-old, half black, half Vietnamese model named Karrueche Tran.

On Saturday she posted this picture of a bag of rice cakes wearing sunglasses and gold hoop earrings on her twitter with the caption:

“Ima make u my bitch,”

And yesterday she added:

“I’m a leader, yall on some followin shit … coming in dis game on some modeling shit!”

I don’t speak Thug Retard but the Daily News says those were insults directed at Tran, who has now replied with a facebook post that says:

“I’m Angeline, you’re Jen. C’mon you see where Brad is at,”

I assume that’s supposed to be “Angelina”, as in Jolie, but that’s really only a guess because these people write and spell like they just landed here on a fucking spaceship.

(image source = splash and fame/flynet)