Monday morning headlines

By brendon March 07, 2011 @ 12:43 PM

Joey Tierney, Audrina Patridge

CHRIS BROWN – took a naked picture of himself in a mirror, and it leaked over the weekend. I’m sure this video scan of the picture reaches the bottom of his penis at some point. Let me know how it turns out. (media take out)

RANGO – won the weekend box office with $38 million, easily beating the Adjustment Bureau which was second with $20.9M. When Matt Damon heard about this, he took a knife and ran the blade over the palm of his hand, made a fist and squeezed the blood through his fingers and vowed to get his revenge on Johnny Depp, so stay tuned. (deadline)

AUDRINA PATRIDGE – filmed her new show in Palm beach, Florida, and I would skip these if I were you because she looked terrible. Her only appeal was her big tits and they look way smaller now, and my interest in her is directly proportionate to her breast size. (splash and inf daily)

thankfully, Chris Brown has fully recovered

By brendon March 01, 2011 @ 12:38 PM

chris_brown_injury_photo

Last week Media Take Out released 2 new pictures of Rihanna, taken shortly after she was beaten up by her boyfriend Chris Brown on February 8th, 2009. Now they have a picture of Chris that same night, apparently taken by the police who were being sarcastic.

According to legend, these show Brown with a busted and inflamed lip, though to be honest I can’t see any difference. Which makes me feel vaguely racist. So thanks Media Take Out, way to make me feel bad about myself.

Chris Brown really beat the hell out of Rihanna

By brendon February 24, 2011 @ 11:56 AM

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Everyone has seen the famous picture of Rihanna shortly after Chris Brown beat her on February 8th, 2009, but there have always been reports that more pictures existed. And now Media Take Out has two of them.

It’s still hard to believe he did this to a girl, to his girlfriend, and never spent one day in jail. I don’t understand how that’s possible. But I don’t really understand how cameras work either, so what do I know. I also believe that my crops don’t grow because they’re hexed by a warlock, and I call electricity “white fire”.

Chris Brown is making exciting new friends

By brendon December 30, 2010 @ 11:51 AM

Last night, Raz B, a singer who used to be a member of the group B2K, was sittin there thinking, how can niggas like Eric Benet and Chris Brown disrespect women as Intelligent as Halle Berry and Rihanna. And so he tweeted…

“Im just sittin here Thinking how can niggas like @ebenet & @ChrisBrown disrespect women as Intelligent as @HalleBerry11 @Rihanna”

Which got Chris Browns attention. Knowing that Raz had been molested by B2K’s manager at one point, Brown replied…

“nigga you want attention! Grow up nigga!!! Dick in da booty ass lil boy.”

“Tell me this @razb2k!! Why when the money was coming in u won’t complaining about getting butplugged!” #homothug!!!

Now enter Raz’s brother, a guy who would sound a lot scarier if he didn’t call himself Ricky Romance and make videos with commercials about how to make the holidays even happier loudly interrupting his tough guy theatrics. He made a video and said…

“If I see you in LA my dude, Im’a put my mother fuckin pistol in your mouth dude, I promise you. All right, so make sure you keep them tweets to yourself my nigga, and make sure you apologize.”

At this point the death threat is interrupted to announce great holiday deals from Honda, the car company with the highest owner loyalty.

“Chris Brown step your game up my homeboy. When I see you my nigga I will smack you in your mouth nigga, beat you up drag you down the street and treat you like a little bitch my nigga. This aint no mother fuckin games homeboy. You aint welcome in LA and if I catch you alone, watch what Im’a do to you.”

Do people really still say “homeboy”? I don’t think they do. It’s like I’m being threatened by DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Chris Brown is trying hard to make amends

By brendon November 18, 2010 @ 9:34 PM

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Chris Brown has been, rightfully, one of the most hated figures in Hollywood ever since he beat Rihanna until she was almost unconscious. Before that night he was a guy who everyone generally liked, and since that night he has said time and again how sorry he was and that he would do everything possible to make up for his mistake.

And, apparently, he really meant it.

Brown was in an LA courtroom today to face Judge Patricia Schnegg as he nears the end of his probation, and it’s safe to say she was impressed.

“Of all probationers I’ve ever had, and I’ve had thousands of probationers, no one has ever done a better or more consistent job than you have,” Schnegg said. “And I really want to commend you for taking responsibility, and for actually working diligently to complete all of the things the court has required of you.”
“You’ve done a very good job.”

Well… shit. What can you say. What he did is horrible, and it should follow him forever, but, he’s clearly trying at least. That’s all you can ask out of anybody, right? That’s more than most guys with anger issues do. You know Andy Richter? He has a secret ranch in Mexico where he releases prostitutes, then hunts them down with a bow and arrow. True Story!

more horrific Rihanna abuse pictures are for sale

By brendon October 15, 2010 @ 11:45 AM

rihanna_abuse

As everyone knows, the picture in the headline is Rihanna on February 8, 2009, a few hours after she was riding home from the Grammys with her boyfriend Chris Brown. He got a text from a girl, they had a fight, and he

“shoved her head against the passenger window… (She) turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand (and) continued to punch her in the face… The assault caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.”

As awful as that picture is, it’s always been well known that it’s actually one of the most flattering ones, and that Browns worst fear was that some of the really bad ones would get out. But I bet Rihannas worst fear was having her boyfriend shove her face into a fucking window, so…

Never-before-seen images of a battered Rihanna have leaked.
Radar has seen the four images that were offered to this site for publication. We declined.
The photos were taken in a Los Angeles emergency room where Rihanna was being treated after she was assaulted. (She is) pictured with large welts above each of her eyebrows, marks on both of her cheeks and a split lip.
The most graphic photo is a close-up; her left eye bloodied and bruised, with four lesions on her face and multiple cuts on her bottom lip.
A ruler is being held up which shows the reddish swelling to span two inches – from the bottom of her eye almost all the way down to her mouth.
In another image, Rihanna is shown pulling her busted lips apart to show numerous lacerations on the inside of her mouth.
There appears to be at least five major cuts on the inside of her lips.

I hope these get out. Chris Brown beat his girlfriend until she was almost unconscious. He’s a piece of shit and he deserves to have this haunt him every single day for the rest of his life. At this point his best bet is to just kill himself and roll the dice that he gets reincarnated as a popular singer again.