Chris Brown doesn’t remember

By brendon August 31, 2009 @ 1:12 PM

Chris Brown has recorded an interview with Larry King to air Wednesday night, and in this preview clip Brown says he doesn’t remember the night when he “punched (Rihanna) in the left eye. He then drove away and continued to punch her in the face … (this) caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.” What he told Rihanna that night was:

“I am going to beat the shit out of you when we get home!”

What he told Larry King when asked, “Do you remember doing it” was…

“No. I don’t, it’s like, it’s crazy to me, like, I’m like, wow.”

He and his gentle sky blue sweater and bowtie all seemed pretty surprised to hear that he had done this. I bet Rihanna was pretty surprised to when he “began applying pressure to her right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began to attempting to gauge his eyes in attempt to flee herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and released her.”

I judge books by their cover, and since sky blue is calm and soothing no one who wears it could possibly be a bad person, but I wonder if it’s still too subtle. For his next interview I’d like to see him dressed as Santa with his arm around a baby panda in a wheelchair.

Chris Brown was violent before

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 10:41 AM


When Chris Brown was sentenced yesterday to 5 years’ probation and 6 months’ of community service for beating Rihanna on February 8th, the judge also refused Rihannas request to strike down the order demanding Brown stay at least 300 yards away from her at all times. Equally surprising was that the judge confirmed reports that Brown had been violent before. The Daily Mail says…

A probation report prepared for Tuesday’s sentencing describes two previous incidents … the first happened about three months before the February beating while the couple was traveling in Europe; Rihanna slapped Brown during an argument, and he shoved her into a wall.
In the second instance, Brown allegedly broke the front and passenger side windows on a Range Rover they were driving while visiting Barbados. Neither attack was reported, the probation report states.

I realize that some people will look at those two instances and suggest they’re no big deal because he didn’t actually hit her on those occasions, and I think that’s a pretty good way to judge how much of an asshole this guy is, because it means the simple act of not punching a girl has somehow become commendable.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 25, 2009 @ 4:32 PM

Jon Gosselin And Kids Selling Lemonade 2 (No France, No Germany,

JOHN GOSSELIN – filmed scenes today for “John and Kate Plus 8″ where the adorable kids sell lemonade to raise money for a fire station and he wears a shirt that says “Lies Lies Lies…”. “Because screw those kids,” John probably thought to himself. ” It’s not ’8 Plus John’. Me me me!”

CHRIS BROWN – will be sentenced today, at 2pm pct, after pleading guilty to assaulting Rihanna. He’s expected to get 180 days of community service and 5 years of probation. This was unexpectedly moved from Thursday to today to avoid a media circus. I’d be great at that sort of thing. I’m quick witted, and I’m so pretty I really don’t even need makeup.

LINDSAY LOHAN – I actually had a dream about her (seen here jewelry shopping yesterday) last night where a bunch of people were doing some financial intervention, including me and the mayor of New York who appeared to be the black guy from Fringe. The words haven’t been invented yet to explain how depressing this was. I really gotta get laid.

Chris Brown y/n?

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 12:22 PM


I don’t know who the hell Kyle is, but he’s the undisputed leader when it comes to sending tips to poorly written websites. Radar, TMZ and the Sun all mention today that, despite a court order commanding him to stay 50 yards away at all times, Chris Brown waited in an SUV last night across the street while Rihanna had dinner at Via Dei Mille in New York.

And five days ago, they both checked into the Trump International Hotel. So she’s either taken him back, or he has a lot to learn about stalking. If they are back, they’re at least being careful enough to keep Chris out of jail. Kyles email says…

I was at the Katy Perry show last night at the Hammerstein Ballroom, sitting up in the balcony near stage left.  It was a few randoms like my group mixed in with what seemed to be a lot of music industry bigwigs (I deduce this from all the Blackberrys, their self-congratulating high-fives, and just their general disinterest in anything but themselves).
Anyway, we thought it was cool enough when Donald Trump showed up after the opening set by Cobra Starship and was waving to people, but then roughly two songs into Katy’s set (while it was dark) Rihanna and a small entourage come creeping up the steps, sneaking up to the box with Trump.
She was nice enough and was kind of waving, but clearly she wanted a low profile.  What was interesting though was the clear absence of Chris Brown after the report of them checking into the same hotel.  There wasn’t anyone she appeared to be “with” per se, but definitely no Brown.

If this was a normal email “tip”, it would have said, “I was Katy Perry last night.  Then Rihanna.  Chris Brown?  Crazy right?” It’s like they’re sending me a secret message, except they never bothered to send the key I would need to crack it.

And as the Sun points out, she still has those purple star things on her tits (these).  The ones she wore in Vegas on July 4th (here).  What in the hell kind of glue did she use?  I’m starting to think they may just be a birthmark.

Chris Brown is really sorry

By brendon July 20, 2009 @ 6:43 PM

Chris Brown has turned to YouTube to make his first at length public statement about the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. He says he’s incredibly sorry and asks Rihanna and the public for their forgiveness, and it’s all pretty convincing, but what did you think he was gonna say? “That bitch had it comin. I warned her not to fuck with me.”

Read more >

Not one day in jail

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 3:51 PM


Chris Brown admitted today that he beat Rihanna on February 8th, punched her in the face repeatedly and choked her, and even though he’s never shown the slightest bit or regret or remorse, prosecutors in Los Angeles agreed to a plea that let’s him walk away without even one day in jail.  TMZ says…

“He’ll spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day — 1440 hours total) — which is, in effect, hard labor. He’ll do his service in Virginia which is where Brown lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told us Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks.
He gets 5 years probation for FELONY assault — he pled guilty. He’ll get supervised probation. He’ll have to come back to court every three months.
He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program.
If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.
Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel.”

Washing fire trucks? Are they fucking serious? We used to have a neighborhood fire house in my neighborhood and kids would help wash the trucks for fun. It was a special treat. We would wash the trucks and wear the helmets and play with the dog. All they have to do now is make him eat some rice krispy treats, and California’s idea of punishing violent criminals will be the exact same as one of my happiest childhood memories.