Star magazine says that Rihanna thought she was pregnant with Chris Browns baby in the days leading up to their fight, but she never told him because she thought he might react badly.  Which makes sense considering he punched her in the eye just for throwing his keys.  

Rihanna consulted an ob-gyn at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after confiding to close friends that she suspected she was pregnant with Chris' baby.
(During the visit to the doctor, she was) wearing sunglasses and dressed in all black, she appeared nervous and upset. "She was extremely fidgety. She seemed totally uncomfortable."

It’s possible of course she was at the ob-gyn because she was pregnant but it could have been other things too.  After we had sex for the first time my girlfriend told me the vagina will seal back up overnight sometimes and you have to have surgery to reopen it but the surgery is real expensive.  That’s why she hangs out with that dude Marco so much.  He'll come over and pick her up then drive her all over town and pay for all her drinks so she can save up and have sex with me again.  Ha, what a sucker that guy is!

Every business that has anything to do with Chris Brown has dumped his sorry ass since he beat the hell out of his girlfriend Rihanna three weeks ago.  Now Sony Pictures is running the other way too.  Brown had completed work on a movie called "Bone Deep", starring Paul Walker and Matt Dillon.  Word is that Sony is erasing him from any and all promotion materials.  He will still be in the movie as of now, just not in any advertising or trailers.  

I called Chris to ask him about this, and of course my first question was, how can you beat up a girl.  And he said, well you have to aim lower because they’re short.  And I said that’s not really what I meant.

Yikes.  TMZ got the first pic of Rihanna in the hospital after Chris Brown knocked her around on February 8th.   Pic sort of speaks for itself.  She should date someone like me.  I'm sweet as honey.

It may seem hard to believe considering he put her in the hospital less than two weeks ago, but now it's being reported that Rihanna still speaks to Chris Brown, and friends of hers are even claiming she’s ready to get back together with him.

…to the shock of many, the singer has stayed in touch with her battering beau and her unhealthy devotion to him is making those close to the abused singer worried sick.  "She keeps saying she wants to make sure that he's okay," a friend tells Star. "She thinks this will all just blow over and they can go back to how they were."

Wow this chick is a real trooper.  Isn’t she from Barbados or something, one of those voodoo islands?  She has to know some of that stuff.  She should be turning his microphone into a snake or blowing some powder in his face that makes his fingers and toes and dick fall off or something.  It's not like anyone would hold it against her.  It might even be legal.

GOOD VICTIMY UPDATE – okay so i just got an email saying Chris Brown is on his way to Hawaii to meet up with Rihanna.  I have no idea if it's true or not.   Maybe someone who sells first aid supplies and ice packs on Hawaii can keep me posted.

It now seems possible that Chris Brown will not serve even one day in jail after beating up Rihanna and threatening to kill her.  Despite witnesses who heard the fight and pictures of Rihanna taken after that show, "contusions on the face, swollen eyes, cut lip, bloody nose, bite marks on her fingers and arm", he may not even be prosecuted.  Here’s how:

during the argument, he started hitting her. According to the police report, she ordered him to drive her home and "faked a call" to someone, saying things like, "He's dropping me off. Make sure the cops are there."
Rihanna told cops the fake call enraged Brown. He said something to the effect of "You are really fucked up now. I'm going to kill you."
At that point Brown allegedly began a violent attack with his fists.
We're told the criminal threats charge is based on that one statement (threat) Brown allegedly made. As one law enforcement source told us, "It's kinda weak, and the D.A. is not going to prosecute a high profile case like this unless it's solid." That's why it was kicked back for further investigation.
Given the brutal nature of the attack a felony domestic battery charge is virtually a done deal. That, however, is a less serious offense than making criminal threats.

MediaTakeOut however points out that Felony Domestic Battery does not apply here because that law only applies to a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former co-habitant, or the mother or father of his or her child. Brown and Rihanna don’t live together, aren’t married, and don’t have a child.

Now we're down to simple assault, which carries a six month sentence.  Brown is a first time offender, and the defense will argue Rihanna instigated the fight, making this tough for a DA to prosecute. 

So, in summation, being the DA in Los Angeles sounds relaxing.  Because apparently you don’t really do anything.  Someone says, a famous singer beat up his equally famous girlfriend.  And you say, oh no.  Then you roll back over in your hammock and sip a mai tai from a coconut.  *yawn*  So sleepy.