Chris Brown Threatens Parking Attendants on Principle

By Steve G. March 08, 2013 @ 8:29 AM

Chris Brown says the reason he lost his temper and threatened a valet Wednesday night was because the guy tried to fleece him.

…the valet outside PINZ bowling alley in Studio City, CA — where Chris was attending a charity event — was supposed to charge $5 a pop … but when Chris tried to pick his car up, the valet tried to scam him by charging $10.The source says other people who parked at PINZ last night were charged $5. Chris believes he was singled out because he’s famous.Chris says it’s not about the money … it’s the principle of the thing.

Oh ok. Well that settles that. Chris Brown is just a man of the people sticking up for what’s right and not just a giant prick. He’s like Batman. If Batman had decided not to grow up to be a superhero and protect those who can’t protect themselves and instead chose to became a raging asshole who went around tasering gay rappers and beating the shit out of women because fuck them, on principle. We were too quick to judge, we know that now. Sorry Chris.  Also I hope you get Lou Gehrig Disease.

Chris Brown Tries Not to Be a Dick, Fails

By Johnny Redd March 07, 2013 @ 1:50 PM


People who point to Chris Brown beating on Rihanna as the sign of his douchebaggery just aren’t digging deep enough. Chris Brown is a shit stain on so many levels, hitting a woman only scratches the surface. But is Chris really to blame or does life just keep throwing him curveballs?

What’s a top bottom verstaile R&B star to do when your bodyguard is not giving you respect? You’ve got to kick his ass off your private jet refueling in Bermuda. Pal or no pal, your bodyguard has to give you your propers. Did he forget somewhere over the Atlantic that you’re the fucking Chris Brown?

And when a valet at a kids’ bowling alley charity event asks you for $10 to cover your parking, you’ve got to get your up in his grill and lay some knowledge on him as to who he’s fucking with. Did he not see your signature diamond earring studs? Dumbass valet. You’re lucky you didn’t get capped.

Someday, Chris Brown is going to get his comeuppance. Hopefully it won’t be a bullet through his arm by Jimmy from Degrassi or some shit like that where he gets to brag about his gangster lifestyle . More like a deep bowel ass-raping by an escaped Russian circus bear. That’s hard to spin into street cred.

Rihanna Came To Her Senses And Got A Restraining Order

By Photo Boy February 27, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

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Oh shit, must have left the wrong pic up there.

In what couldn’t have been a more perfect turn of events yesterday, Rihanna filed a restraining order against some random dude who broke into her house and slept in her bed, while the guy who bit her face like a spoiled toddler gave an interview professing their love:

Brown told the UK Mirror, “Sometimes you row, you fight, with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals.”
He added, “But she loves me — what can I say? I’m forgiven … but, yes, I worked hard for it.”

“Stuff spirals.” That’s the casual way a sensitive, tender lover like Chris Brown describes the time he beat the shit out of a woman’s face for looking at his phone. I honestly don’t know if it’s worse to be as arrogant as Chris or as vapid as Rihanna. The only positive here is that sometimes when two wastes of life find each other, natural selection steps in and goes “So who wants guns?”


Image Source – Pacific Coast News

Chris Brown was a dick at the Grammys. Shocking, huh?

By brendon February 11, 2013 @ 12:18 PM

frank-ocean

It still ranks way behind other things he’s done at the Grammy Awards, but Chris Brown once again showed what a classless dick he is by refusing to stand after Frank Ocean made his way to the stage to accept the award for Best Urban Contemporary Album, an award Brown was also nominated for (that’s him dressed all in white, like a child magician).

And Brown should have even been in a good mood because Rihanna was his date. And she looked terrific.

Of course, as we know, looking good at the beginning of a date with Chris Brown is the easy part. It’s looking good at the end where things get dicey.

Rihanna Needs To Get The Hell Out Of Dodge

By Mystery Writer February 06, 2013 @ 11:44 AM

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Having already proven that he’s a violent egomaniac, Chris Brown would now like you to feel sorry for him. His life, which he now literally describes as hell, is all fucked because everybody won’t just ignore the endless string of awful shit he does.

Im a human being and I honestly think I deserve respect Im sick of being accused … Im tired yall Just don’t understand Ive been going through this sh*t since I was 19 years old .. You cant sit here and tell me to calm down, when am I gonna get a positive outcome out of anything I do?

Alright, we all agree Chris Brown is one of the shittiest people on Earth. Rihanna, however, walks around practically naked all the time and positively influences young people on her Instagram with inspirational messages and blunt smoking. It’s going to be a real shame for all those 13 year old moms when their role model turns up beaten to death in a Ferrari.

- MW

(Image Source – Pacific Coast News, Splash News)

Chris Brown investigated for assault again

By brendon January 28, 2013 @ 1:26 PM

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Chris Brown, who you may remember…

Got into a bar fight with Drake.
Stole a fans iPhone.
Threw a chair through a window at Good Morning America.
Breeds pit bulls.
Uses “I won’t beat you” as a pick up line with women
because he beat the shit out if Rihanna
several times
and then bragged about it

is now under investigation for getting into a fight with Frank Ocean early this morning in a West Hollywood parking lot over a parking spot. “The altercation allegedly led to Chris Brown punching the victim,” according to the sheriffs department.

It’s not clear of course if Brown is guilty or not, but that motherfucker is guilty and is a piece of shit. He always acts repentant then goes right back to being a thug dickhead. I bet if you counted he would have the exact same number of court appearances as he does normal looking suits.