Chris Brown was in court yesterday for a probation progress report, all part of the deal he struck after his felony battery arrest in February of 2009, when he and Rihanna were driving home from the Grammys and…
“(Rihanna) turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand.
The assault caused (her) mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.”
And though it was revealed that Brown failed a drug test in June for smoking marijuana, he was let off with a warning, but since it was such a big day for Chris, Rihanna went on twitter and sent her best…
“Praying for you baby, my best wishes are with you today! Remember that whatever God does in our lives, it is WELL DONE!!!”
“Wait how did I get dragged in to this with you two idiots,” God replied. “And what in the fuck gave you the idea that punching girls was part of my plan? Who told you that, the girl puncher? Well of course that asshole is gonna say that.”
Everyone was very impressed with Chris Browns fighting skills when he managed to get the jump on a young girl and smash her face into a window, but his friends are super hardcore and brave too. In fact, if there’s four of them, and they have a stun gun, there’s almost no elderly person they won’t scream at or chase around a parking lot.
The man in the blue shirt (pictured) was eating at Subway when Chris’ posse started harassing an elderly lady who was working at the restaurant because they didn’t want to pay for extra meat.
When another elderly man tried to stand up for her, they turned on him before the mystery man stood up to them.
They got the man outside and were taunting him with racial slurs before Chris pulls up in his Lamborghini. Chris’ bodyguard pulls out a stun gun and chases the man around the parking lot before the cops showed up and broke up the scene.
Yes but did Chris Brown and his friends have any skittles? Did they have a nice smile when they were 12? What kind of grades did they get? As I understand it, these are the things we should focus on with this kind of thing.
Chris Browns new album ‘Fortune’ has been marked with warning stickers saying he beats women, though it’s not really an official thing, but the work of an anti-domestic violence campaign across London.
And he totally deserves it, because he’s an asshole who beats women (or “woman” at least), but I don’t get the warning. He’s… he’s not behind me is he? Is he here in the store? Wait where’s my girlfriend?
Rihanna really is a moron who deserves every mean thing a boyfriend will ever do to her, because when she went on stage at the MTV VMA’s last night, Chris Brown hopped right up and they gave each other a little hug and kiss.
Keep in mind that the last time they were this close at an awards show, he was getting texts from another girl and then beat Rihanna when she found out. Most girls would still be mad just about the texts. And if they were beaten like Rihanna was, the only way they’d speak to you is to tell you what field they threw your penis in after cutting it off in your sleep.
Chris Brown, literally the least sympathetic ass-whooping victim on earth, had his ass whooped last night in New York after a fight broke out between him and Drake over Rihanna. “Hahaha”, said Everyone.
Rumor has it that Rihanna cheated on Brown with Drake while the two were going out, and the two have been at loggerheads ever since.
Brown (reportedly) tried to bury the hatchet by sending a bottle of champagne to Drake’s table at New York’s WIP nightclub, but the bottle was promptly returned with a message that read “I’m f*ckng the love of your life [Rihanna], deal with it.”
An altercation ensued, during which Drake allegedly punched Chris in the face before “someone” cracked his chin open with a bottle.
And Brown even tweeted the picture of his busted chin above, because, as it turns out, having someone stronger than you beat your ass for no reason kinda sucks. My only issue is that they were at a club and not a Renaissance fair where Drake could have hit Brown with a mace or pulled him apart with horses.
DELIGHTFUL UPDATE – now with pictures of blood on Browns Escalade, and if you didn’t think he deserved to get smashed in the face with a bottle before, please note that he replaced his Cadillac emblem with one of Optimus Prime.
At least 108 people in the Houla region of Syria, including 34 women and 49 children, were slaughtered over the weekend after loyalists to President Bashar Assad stormed though the poverty stricken villages and gunned down entire families to quell the 15-month uprising against Assad.
“OMG!!!!! Not cool”, Chris Brown noted on twitter. Because someone needed to put those jerks in their place. Atta’ boy Chris, let ‘em have it!