Chris Brown has turned to YouTube to make his first at length public statement about the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. He says he’s incredibly sorry and asks Rihanna and the public for their forgiveness, and it’s all pretty convincing, but what did you think he was gonna say? “That bitch had it comin. I warned her not to fuck with me.”
06.22.2009 Not one day in jail
Chris Brown admitted today that he beat Rihanna on February 8th, punched her in the face repeatedly and choked her, and even though he’s never shown the slightest bit or regret or remorse, prosecutors in Los Angeles agreed to a plea that let’s him walk away without even one day in jail. TMZ says…
“He’ll spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day — 1440 hours total) — which is, in effect, hard labor. He’ll do his service in Virginia which is where Brown lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told us Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks.
He gets 5 years probation for FELONY assault — he pled guilty. He’ll get supervised probation. He’ll have to come back to court every three months.
He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program.
If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.
Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel.”
Washing fire trucks? Are they fucking serious? We used to have a neighborhood fire house in my neighborhood and kids would help wash the trucks for fun. It was a special treat. We would wash the trucks and wear the helmets and play with the dog. All they have to do now is make him eat some rice krispy treats, and California’s idea of punishing violent criminals will be the exact same as one of my happiest childhood memories.
05.29.2009 Eve would f**k Chris Brown up
An inexplicable number of celebrities have defended Chris Brown since the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. Kanye said we should give him a break. Terrence Howard said he’s a good guy. Diddy loaned him his mansion in Miami just days after the incident. But at least Eve is justifiably angry and not shy about saying so. After Brown posted this video online Wednesday, Eve made 5 entries on her Twitter.
- hold on hold on!! im just gonna reach out to some of ya’ll out there and say this bluntly, why do ppl keep tryin to protect chris browns ass
- hes guilty until proven innocent, and no man should ever raise a hand to a woman, im so sick of people kissin his ass..yeh i did just watch
- a clip of him saying he isnt a monster…yeh motherfucker u are. let him or any other man come to me with power fists..id fuck him up.
- and a message to rihanna…girl your beautiful and talented and u dont need a nigga like that around u…ur special and deserve better…
- & finally,no we dont no wat happened that night, all i no, is seein rihannas beautiful face bruised and upset..thats enuff 4 me.
It’s true we don’t know exactly what happened that night, but if Brown has an explanation for how Rihanna got into his car looking great and got out looking like something that landed here in a spaceship, I’d love to hear it. I agree with Eve. Although I would have anyway because I’ve always thought she was hot, and since she used to be a stripper I feel like we could go on just one date, and she’d, ya know, do it.
(really seems like we should be able to see her tits in these pictures from last years aussie mtv awards, doesn’t it? hq picture jump here)
05.28.2009 Ri to face Chris Brown in court
In an unexpected move, Rihanna has been ordered to appear at Chris Brown’s preliminary hearing on June 22nd. If asked to give testimony concerning the night Brown beat her, it will be the first time she has publicly spoken of the incident since it occurred on February 8th. Oh but the good news for Brown doesn’t stop there.
Judge Patricia Schnegg denied a request to allow Brown’s attorney accesss to confidential LAPD personnel records so that he can find out who leaked a photograph of a battered and bruised Rihanna to the media.
In denying the motion, Schnegg said everyone agrees that the leak of the now infamous photo was not a good thing, but that … “does not impact the validity of the police investigation and the arrest of your client.”
At one point Brown wanted the charges thrown out because of that photo, so this should put an end to that. And if photos are okay I think the prosecutor should make one of those big charts with Chris Browns picture at the top, then a bunch of lines going from his picture to like two dozen pictures of hot girls with red X’s over their face. Have it behind you the entire trial, and then during closing arguments explain that Brown also dated these women, but then move on to something else because he probably didn’t do anything to the other girls but the red X’s will make the jury think he killed them. I don’t know if that kind of thing is legal but I think it would be a neat lawyer-y trick.
04.06.2009 chris brown says hes not guilty
Chris Brown finally had his day in court today, almost two months after his arrest for suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend Rihanna. More specifically, he, “punched her in the left eye with his right hand (then) continued to punch her. The assault caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.” The AP says…
Brown entered his plea, speaking in a soft voice, while his mother sat in the first row, red-eyed.
The 21-year-old "Umbrella" singer was represented by attorney Donald Etra, who said Rihanna is hoping that a deal can be worked out before a preliminary hearing or trial in the case, but that she will testify if required to.
"She would be pleased if this was over quickly," Etra said.
By all accounts Brown is trying to arrange a plea bargain, which will save everyone a lot of time and hassle. If the attorneys and judge can agree on a plea, the prosecutor won’t have to prosecute the case, the defense attorney won’t have to defend it and the judge wont have to judge it. Must be nice. Must be nice to have a million dollar career where everyone can just agree not to do what their very specific job title says they do and that’s somehow okay. Go ahead and try that at your job. If you’re a waiter, the next time someone comes in and orders a steak and a beer, just say, “No no no no, I talked it over with the chef and the bartender and we agreed we’re not doin any of that. We compromised and decided you sitting down was good enough. Anyway, you owe us 94 dollars, so I’ll just take this whenever you’re ready.”
03.26.2009 watch your ass chris brown
Rihanna hit up BangBang in LA this week and got at least three new tats of guns. Two on her shoulder blades and one under her right arm (pic here). She hasn’t said anything about her motivation for this, but many are guessing it has something to do with getting her ass beat last month. Victims of injustice often outwardly project their feelings. This is exactly like when I came in second at Mr. Hot Buns in Vegas two years ago. Sure, I said all the right things, I said Marco’s buns were better that night, but then I wore baggy sweat pants for six months. I think I made my point.
