Chrissy Teigen Is Doing Everything Drunk

By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 10:38 AM

Chrissy Teigen Throws The First Pitch At A Dodgers Game In Los Angeles
Chrissy Teigen is everywhere these days. Ever since making the cover of SI she’s been to over eight hundred promotional events including lingerie store openings, movie premiere, and new reptile exhibits at local zoos. Obama now calls her for what to do about Gaza when Penelope Cruz isn’t available. He has to call somebody. Fame hasn’t changed Chrissy. She’s still getting loaded and skipping underpants. I respect people who don’t change just because good fortune finds them. Or just because they’re alcoholics.

Photo Credit: Splash

Chrissy Teigen And Her Tits Get Gaza

By Lex July 31, 2014 @ 10:32 AM

Chrissy Teigen Goes Braless During A Photo Shoot In New York
A foreign conflict demands the immediate attention of celebrities who not only went to acting school, but also drink coffee with people who have read newspapers. Naturally, all the Euro celebrities in their millennium long anti-Semitic bubbles are demanding Gaza be set free, just as soon as they can find it on a map. They just know the Gazanians are being mistreated by doctors and accountants and record company executives running Israel and the media. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem penned an open letter demanding Israel stop its genocide. Then Penelope clarified her remarks when she remembered Woody Allen is the only guy who will hire her to play leads any more:

“I don’t want to be misunderstood on this important subject. I’m not an expert on the situation and I’m aware of the complexity of it.”

No need to apologize, Penelope. Even without a solid basis for understanding, leveling war crimes charges seems like a thoughtful opening gambit. Selena Gomez changed her Twitter headliner to ‘Pray for Gaza’, though her political expression may be more related to recently discovering she’s a lesbian than anything she learned in her first and final year of her elementary schooling. Madonna loves Israel but felt obliged to write something poetic about how the children of Gaza were like flowers in a vase. I suppose that sounds better than comparing them to human bombing decoys, which is more factually correct.

Chrissy Teigen, who is uniquely self-aware about the proper role of celebrities in relation to geo-political conflicts noted on her Twitter that the road to peace was the Jack in the Box drive-thru. It wasn’t particular hilarious, but it was the least annoying thing penned by an actor/singer/model in the past two weeks about Gaza.

Photo Credit:

Chrissy Teigen Goes Braless

By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 12:01 PM

Chrissy Teigen Goes Braless With Colin Kaepernick At The 2014 ESPYS
I take back all that shit I said about the ESPYs being more sucky than Lindsay Lohan at a cocaine prize package glory hole. Fuck, that was a reach. Chrissy Teigen’s boobs make everything interesting. I think she knows that too. Her drunken rants on Twitter are mildly amusing, but her tits without a bra are the world’s best house party. Even Colin Kaepernick etching the Vagina Monologues logo into his head couldn’t shake my gaze. I wish the still alive one from Kriss Kross were here to sing me out.

Photo Credit: Getty

Chrissy Teigen Looks Pretty Damn Good

By Lex May 21, 2014 @ 6:28 PM

I suppose if I was a supermodel, I’d be showing my boobs off everywhere I went. I’ll take a half pound of salami, couple of those ribeyes, and, hey, check out my perfect titties! Don’t you wish you were John Legend, or all those guys before John Legend that John Legend has to put out of his mind when doinking his wife? Fuck, that’s a good life. These particular photos of Chrissy are shot in black and white so it’s cool if your wife catches you masturbating. Tell her to stop judging your art.

Photo credit: Sasha Samsonnova

Chrissy Teigen Did Very Well At The Met Gala

By Travis May 06, 2014 @ 2:00 PM

Chrissy Teigen is great at parties

Not everyone who went to the Met Gala last night was a talentless, overrated amateur porn star or an actress who hasn’t starred in anything good in at least a decade. At least Chrissy Teigen was there with her husband, Whoever, and she was wearing what we are lazily calling the best dress of the evening, because her side boob was hanging out and she knew just how to stand for all of the cameras. We may never know what happens when the doors closed for this overpriced shit show of excess and celebration of assholes, but it’s safe to say that Chrissy did it best. In fact, she should win the right to wear that dress that Madonna wanted to shove her old breasts into at next year’s Met Gala.

Photo Credits: Getty and Instagram

Chrissy Teigen Nude And Covered On Instagram

By Lex March 13, 2014 @ 10:21 AM

Chrissy Teigen Nude And Covered On Instagram

Photo Credit: Chrissy Teigen / Instagram, Beach Bunny