Body Shaming Was Better

By Matt April 17, 2015 @ 6:32 AM


Since Chrissy Teigen’s stretch mark selflie, hordes of other hens have posted photos of their stretch marks to Instagram. It doesn’t take much for chicks these days to self congratulate themselves. Posting pictures of your spent tampon is always an efficient way to stick it to your step father or that TGI Friday’s manager who paid you the same as your male counterparts. I hadn’t realized you deserved a pat on the back for rapidly changing your body weight. Doctors would even advise against it. I’m confused. It seems there are entire aisles of products aimed at getting rid of stretch marks. If those fail just pretend they’re cool. Pretty soon I’ll be posting stern faced photos of my beer gut in the name of alcoholism and rocking a blue ribbon for liver cancer. Some women have stretch marks. I get it. People have hemorrhoids too. At what point do you keep it to yourself? I’d be willing to bet all these chicks at some point felt irrationally insecure about them. I’d feel insecure about these photos as well. There’s a middle ground. It’s called other people.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Chrissy Teigen Accepts Her Imperfections, Why the Fuck Can’t You?

By Lex April 14, 2015 @ 9:49 AM

Chrissy Teigen Shows Stretch Marks On Instagram
The body acceptance bandwagon is leaving the station, ladies. Get on board or accept your role as part of the problem. You don’t necessarily want to highlight your every woman flaws until you’ve made yourself oodles of fame and fortune with a decade of Photoshopped modeling pictures. A marriage to a dude worth $20 million should be in the bag. Then, you are ready to show off some subtle stretch marks on your legs and point them out on Instagram. Real women get stretch marks. Deal with that, all you men out there who would give your left nut to bang Chrissy Teigen and don’t give a shit about her stretch marks. Pigs.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Sports Illustrated

Chrissy Teigen Topless Because Now It Matters

By Lex March 12, 2015 @ 3:05 PM

Chrissy Teigen And John Legend Do Topless Shoot Together In Miami
I can already feel Chris Pine crying over my left shoulder. This is some pretty moving shit. John Legend and his troublemaking model wife with the spectacular yabbos got shot without their respective tops on along Miami Beach. Whoever they hired to wrangle away the crowds in no way stopped at least one paparazzi from shooting the topless shit out of Teigen’s bare breasts moist from the ocean blue. Sometimes paparazzi take creepy pictures of toddlers in the park or cause pre-op trannies to plow into innocents on the PCH. But you can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater when the baby is a sweet pair of Eurasian titties we’ve been waiting years to see fully.

Photo Credit: INF

Chris Brown Blocks Chrissy Teigen On Twitter

By Lex March 06, 2015 @ 1:07 PM

Chrissy Teigen Leggy At Pedicure Event In NYC
That uneasy feeling you get when you realize Chris Brown has shut you out of his life. There’s really no preparing for it. It hits you like a dirty hand of hot Chinese mustard to the lachrymal gland. You’ll pretend you’re just vulnerable from your period, but really you’re hurting much deeper. The place where Chris Brown used to touch you. No, deeper. Yep, there. Now understand that it will never feel this way again and let flow the sorrowful torrents. Thankfully Chrissy Teigen drinks. It’s like crying in reverse.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/INF

John Legend Is A Lucky Asshole And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 26, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


John Legend showed what a lucky son of a bitch he is by making out with his super hot girlfriend Chrissy Teigen in the pages of GQ. There’s also the questionable popularity of his music, but that must come second.

Check out their steamy couple portraits. (Huffington Post)

Miss Beverly Hills, Chanelle Riggan, has a major nip slip during the Miss California USA pageant. (TMZ)

Heidi Klum shows off her new lingerie line and she’s still very fuckable. (Egotastic)

Gigi Hadid shows off her boobage for Guess. (Drunken Stepfather)

Bryana Holly knows how to wear a fucking bikini. (Popoholic)

Hethielly Beck uses her titties to sell 138 Water. (The Superficial)

Hermione makes my childhood wank dreams come true by playing a Belle from Beauty and the Beast. (Moviepilot)

David Blaine Tricks Models

By Matt January 19, 2015 @ 6:33 AM


If you’ve never watched one of David Blaine’s TV specials I’ll spare you the trouble: he’s a masochist who likes attention and also knows cool card tricks. When displaying his sleight of hand street magic he targets the lowest common denominator. Scratch that he goes for the people who barely qualify as a numerator. Blaine pulls tricks on the brown paper bag crowd and provincial tourists who’ve never seen a video camera and snap photos of the street signs. The next logical step would be models. He wowed model Chrissy Teigen while her singing husband wondered how he got past security. Pick a card. Now name the Vice President. Fuck it, name any living person. Are you listening? These are called cards. Yes it’s base ten. Are we rolling? I can’t wait until this guy’s eyes are charged with rape.

Photo Credit: Instagram