By Matt July 22, 2015 @ 8:01 AM
Chrissy Tiegen posted a photo of her ass which raises some questions. Who is the dude laying next to you and who took this picture? Why is that person wearing dungarees and you’re naked save for a bra jammed up your ass? That water looks choppy and I can see the goosebumps on your ass from the hull. Seems like you’re forcing it. We could either head down to the cabin and have some hot chocolate or make the captain film some anal on the deck. How long until the lawsuit? Head North to Portland this UVA is getting to be a bit much. Is she lounging or simply dead or cholera?
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 10:41 AM
Chrissy Teigen is now posting pictures of her husband naked to Instagram. She’s categorizing his bare ass as a part of her overall attack on Instagram’s no chick nudity policy, but it’s likely just the only other thing she could think to do with her time beside posting her own naked photos. Teigen scored when she married John Legend and instantly leapt seventeen ranks on the celebrity model charts. Without Legend she was six months away from being wrapped in an EMT blanket on a sidewalk muttering I tawt I taw a puddy tat. An inebriated seven with nice tits is but a betrothal away from hanging front row at the ESPYs with Gisele and Caitlin. Mark Zuckerberg is down with black ass. This means nothing.
Photo credit: Chrissy Teigen/Instagram.
By Lex June 29, 2015 @ 1:48 PM
Don’t believe the hype on LinkedIn. Your buddy the assistant IT director is just lugging monitors around the office. That chick you met at speed dating is having a work anniversary at a company that sounds suspiciously like her alone in her apartment. Yay, I didn’t fire myself. The world needs more personalized hemp greeting cards. Chrissy Teigen however is actually a model. I recommended her for the skills of nude modeling, modeling without clothes on, naked modeling, snatch patch flashing, and nipples worth watching. Also, social media expert. I do that for everybody without a real job.
Photo Credit: Mert Alas And Marcus Piggott For W Magazine
By Lex May 27, 2015 @ 12:24 PM
Chrissy Teigen is one of those celebrities who gets a free pass for being famous for no good reason. If you consider being half Asian and having big tits no good reason. I could go either way on that. Even Kate Upton has a few crappy movies on her resume by now. Chrissy did have the good instinct to marry her famous boyfriend, one of the John Wooden pyramid building blocks of success. Beyond that, she likes to get loaded and naughty Tweet and let the ocean tide lap up her vagina. The more I think about her lack of accomplishment, the more I realize she might just be the perfect woman. Love is so confusing.
Photo Credit: Dujour
By Lex May 19, 2015 @ 11:02 AM
Ironic Jesus came to me in a dream and told me that if I watched enough music award shows, he’d make something heavy fall on Taylor Swift. A hanging speaker or roof panel or Adele. I relented and watched the Billboard music awards. Kanye was booed by the upper deck and his mom in heaven because he refused to splurge on the platinum lipo package. Mariah Carey was so tightly cinched her head threatened to go Scanners. At one point the assistant who holds the lint roller came up and wiped up visible smudges on her gown which turned out to be hemoglobin osmosed through her flesh. The Devil’s cut. Nothing fell. Where do I got to get my five minutes of fast forward back?
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt April 28, 2015 @ 8:05 AM
Bill Belichick was bustted checking out Chrissy Teigen’s ass at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, a yearly gig where the President books future talk show appearances and actors and models feel vindicated for writing me-too political shit on their Twitter feeds. John Legend Tweeted the photo because it’s not as if there are ever going to be moments of his wife winning science fairs. She has nice ass. That’s not nothing. When she asks you why you love her, just say sweet and smart. She’ll know you mean ass but you won’t have to sleep on the couch. On the plus side, Belichick took a step closer to being human, even though he is clearly devising the most methodical way to rub one out later. I think you dropped something, Mrs. Glory Singer. Where are my blockers?
Photo Credit: Twitter