Christie Brinkley Isn’t Aging, She’s Geologically Forming

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 8:11 AM

Christie Brinkley Signs Copies Of Her Book Timeless Beauty  In NYC
I don’t know how fucking old Christie Brinkley is. But I’d ask her to keep her Methuselah hands hidden while you’re banging her in bed. Does your pelvic bone normally crack like that? I’m stopping. My safe word is ew. Brinkley has been out promoting her book which shares with other women the timeless beauty secret of being born with good genes and having gobs of money for the better plastic surgery. Short of that, consider a big scarf and going into the business of helping better looking women like Brinkley continue to look great. Less chiefs, more indians. It’s all in the book next to the photos of your grandma’s bridge partner half-naked.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Christie Brinkley Is 60

By Matt December 31, 2014 @ 12:29 PM


Is it normal for a sixty year old woman to make your genitals tingle? I thought sixty year old ladies knitted quilts and baked tuna casserole. Christie Brinkley is filling out a bikini with her ample breasts and partying in the tropics on a yacht with her nipples showing. Brinkley was born in 1954, the same year the first football games were televised in color. She could teach you a lot of things. I’m game. Namely, tell me exactly what you are doing with your life and how I can copy it. I’m guessing a lot of tantric sex, grapefruit, and fresh water from the mountain stream. Let’s fuck until we’re 200 and occasionally visit your Billy Joel looking daughter we keep locked in the lean-to out back. Happy New Year!

Photo Credit: Instagram 

A Lot Of Really Attractive People Are Still Celebrating The Swimsuit Issue

By Travis February 19, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Sports Illustrated has been pulling out all of the stops to both promote and celebrate this year’s swimsuit issue, because they consider this 50th anniversary issue to be a huge milestone. Is it a milestone because this magazine has thrived for so long despite the complaints of prudes and so-called feminists who don’t give a shit that women wear bikinis every single day of the year? Maybe. Is it a milestone because once the internet was invented and porn became about as readily available as sunlight nobody should have given a crap about whether or not Chrissy Teigen’s nipple might be visible between her fingers on her hand bra? Probably. Whichever the case may be, models from Nina Agdal to Christie Brinkley celebrated the issue last night, and it says enough that these girls can even make standing in front of trash cans and piles of sludge look hot.

Photo Credits:

Christie Brinkley Is a Miracle

By Lex February 18, 2014 @ 2:30 PM

Christie Brinkley Attends The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 50th Anniversary Celebration
How is it that Christie Brinkley’s plastic surgeons aren’t winning some kinds of scientific awards in small European cities. There’s always old dudes in black tie and hair coming out of their ears applauding some Czech doctor who cured lyme disease or some such trivial shit. But here you have 60-year old Christie Brinkley with the chiseled body of a 20-year old female. It’s exactly what Ponce de Leon was wading through the swamps of Florida for four hundred years ago. This is no scalpel and liquid cement type operation. She looks fucking amazing. It’s hard to believe her last husband was stroking himself nearly to death at the computer screen when Christie looked this damn good in the next room. Maybe all the voodoo type incantations she recites each night to keep herself looking youthful were a bit of a turnoff. Eye of newt and pinch of smoldered gypsy child isn’t exactly an inviting smell. His loss. Just imagine all the young men dying to get into Christie these days, even if they are bound to discover out that her vagina has been relocated eighteen inches to the left of its original position.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, WENN

Christie Brinkley Spreads Her Legs for Money

By Lex March 04, 2013 @ 3:07 PM

Christie Brinkley still looks hot. I think she’s 100 or something, but some combination of genetics and surgeries and dumping her last husband who was addicted to Internet porn has kept her looking like she’s the mom every boy on the block wants to bang.

Probably none of her good looks has anything to do with her Total Gym equipment she hawks on late night television with Chuck Norris. But who cares. If the people paying for it want to buy into the fantasy, and we get to see Christie doing leg spreaders on the beach, win-win.

Christie Brinkley could use a little color

By brendon June 15, 2011 @ 4:10 PM


Christie Brinkley stopped to sign some autographs last night after seeing ‘Chicago’ on Broadway, and it turns out she was recently in a science accident that turned her invisible and now she has to paint on a face of pure makeup so people can see her. Tyler Exclusive!

(image source = splash news)