CHRISTINA FORGOT SOMETHING

By brendon November 21, 2007 @ 10:58 AM

Pregnant women are gross, but Christina Aguilera is hot and chicks with no underwear are hot.  And last night at Amalfi restaurant in Hollywood, those worlds collided.  And the result is a day my penis won't soon forgot.  I showed him these, and he got very quiet.  Then he put on his coat and walked around town, lost in thought, absentmindedly kicking a can down the sidewalk.  The he went and fed some ducks at the park.  Last I saw him he was at the beach on some rocks, watching the sun go down and trying to figure out what it all means.  Should he be turned on?  Disgusted?  It's times like this we find out what we're really made of, my friends. 

RANDOM MORNING STUFF

By brendon November 15, 2007 @ 11:44 AM

SHERYL CROW IS UPTIGHT – Sheryl Crow doesn't approve of her ex-boyfriend Lance Armstrong dating Ashley Olsen.  Presumably because Lance is 36 and Ashley is 21.  Life and Style says, "Sheryl rolled her eyes and said, 'That's pathetic. Ashley's a kid.' "  Whatever.  Sheryl is just jealous because she's 45, and now her ex is stabbin someone half her age.  If they even are having sex.  Maybe Lance just likes her as a companion.  Ashley Olsen is an amazing woman, and like all 21 year old girls, I bet she has some really fascinating stories.  

BRITNEY CANCELS HER VIDEO - Britney Spears was supposed to shoot the second video from "Blackout" tomorrow, but she has abruptly canceled.  Not surprisingly, the production team assumed this would happen, so they've been rehearsing with a stand-in and are even prepared to shoot some of the video with the double posing as Britney.  Britney will only be needed for close-ups, presumably of her chewing and dancing, then bending over and gasping for air.

KANYE WILL NOT PERFORM TONIGHT – Kanye West has cancelled his performance at tonights Victoria's Secret Fashion Show to mourn the death of his mother, Donda.  Nobody likes a quitter Kanye.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS HAVING A BOY
– As first reported by OK! last week, Christina was seen, "on a blue-themed shopping spree at celeb baby boutique Petit Tresor" and if that's not all the proof you need that she's having a boy, while speaking to reporters Tuesday night, Christina referred to her baby as "him."  Still not convinced?  Try punching her in the stomach.  If she says, "oh no, my unborn son!", well there you go.  If not, hey, no harm done.



CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS RADIANT

By brendon November 14, 2007 @ 11:29 AM

Jordan Bratmans sperm must have some kind of poison in it because Chritina Aguilera looked like complete hell at the launch Of Rock The Vote 2008 last night.  She must just fill her sink with foundation and then dunk her head in it.  That shit is thicker than armor.  It wouldn't kill me to never see those giant fake lashes again either.  If she blinks really fast she could probably fly.

CHRISTINA IS HALLOWEENY

By brendon November 01, 2007 @ 3:12 PM

I assume it was Jordan Bratmans idea for his wife to spend Halloween with her giant boobs on full display, and god bless him.  Stuff like this is why I can't wait to get married.  Because then the woman is the mans property and she has to do whatever he says.  If there's a problem, maybe her friends the broom and the dustpan can talk some sense into her. 

STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon October 26, 2007 @ 12:35 PM

SOME GUY YOU DON’T KNOW IS IN TROUBLE  – Andre Birleanu – noteworthy only as one of the models on the VH1 show "America's Most Smartest Model" – was arrested yesterday and charged with sexual misconduct and aggravated harassment.  He allegedly groped a 19-year-old actress during a fashion party at a posh downtown restaurant.  And stuff like this is why I got out of modeling.  Perverts.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS HAVING TWINS – The New York Daily News says, "Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman could be doubling their family. A reliable source says she's expecting twins."  See.  Told you.

BAM!

By brendon September 14, 2007 @ 4:36 PM

Can we just be serious for one second please. How GD amazing is it that Jordan Bratman gets to F Christina Aguilera?  More people were killed by gorillas last year than dudes who pulled ass this far out of their league.  I can't believe I never even got to sleep with her once.  I think maybe she was put off by my promiscuous past.  I made it clear to her that I'd never been with a prostitute (in this country) and I even showed her my negative test for STD's, but she wouldn't give it up.  Granted my STD test was a true-false test that I wrote myself, and upon closer inspection it would appear I do in fact have several STD's, but the test is framed in a frame showing Tigger sitting on Winnie the Poohs tummy.  Awwwww!