There’s absolutely nothing going on yet today, so these Ashlee Simpson Christina Aguilera outtakes from a lingerie photo shoot last week are only to pass the time.  I think I read somewhere that if you ever see a girl this hot in real life, you have the legal right to start masturbating.  You could be at the bank or in an elevator or wherever – the cops can't touch you.  Granted, they would probably leave you alone anyway.  No boy cop is gonna jump in there and no girl cop wants to tackle a naked guy with an erection because, quite frankly, it makes them look a little desperate.

Some people would say its romantic that Christina Aguilera would marry someone like Jordan Bratman, but those people are wrong and need to be punched in the balls.  If life were a summer camp movie, Jordan Bratman would be the head counselor at the snobby rich camp on the extra fancy side of the lake, and I’d be the wise cracking party animal who, despite my gruff exterior, really does cares about the kids.  Then I sneak in and steal away his girl after I prove he never saw her as an equal, only as an object.  Rated Pg-13.