Christina Aguileras still got it

By brendon November 21, 2011 @ 11:46 AM

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A bandage dress is supposed to be a flattering dress that gives support and creates an hourglass figure. But Christina Aguilera is 90 percent cookies and cake, so the bandage dress she wore on the American Music Awards last night was no match for her fat stomach as it sloshed back and forth when she moved, like a drink in a big cup when you drive around corners. What she needs is actual bandages. As in the kind they wrap you in after 40 hours of liposuction.

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Christina Aguilera has still got it

By brendon October 10, 2011 @ 12:03 PM

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Christina Aguilera performed at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Wales on Saturday… and she wore this. And looked like this. Who would have guessed that, between Jackson and Aguilera, Jackson would be the one aging better.

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“Christina Aguilera is a fat bitch.”

By brendon August 04, 2011 @ 2:28 PM

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Those are Kelly Osbournes words, not mine. Well, I mean, they are also mine, because I say that all the time, but Kelly is the one saying it in this particular instance, at least according to Us magazine.

Kelly Osbourne has never been a fan of Christina Aguilera, but the 26-year-old took their feud to a new level during a recent episode of E!’s Fashion Police.
“Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me.
“She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.”

Wow this could really spark an awesome new rivalry in Hollywood. At least it could if Christina hears what Kelly said. She should put on a chocolate chip cookie costume and say it again, that way she’ll have Christinas undivided attention.

Christina Aguilera has “intimate” pictures for sale

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 9:42 AM

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A digital storage card containing hundreds of “provocative” personal photos of Christina Aguilera, time-stamped between June and November 2010, were found in a hotel room in France and are now for sale according to Radar. Some of the highlights include…

– Aguilera with two naked male strippers at a bachelorette party.
– Aguilera mimicking oral sex on some guy holding a sex toy.
– Fifteen pictures from Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party in Cabo San Lucas. Aguilera is pictured drinking and smoking a cigar, Richie is in a bikini with a male blow-up doll strapped to her.
– Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler in bed and kissing.
– Aguilera dancing on a table with friends at a private dinner.
– Aguilera giving a blow job to a chocolate covered banana at a theme park.
– Aguilera posing for before-and-after make-up shots.
– Aguilera and her son at a goat farm in October.

Too bad she didn’t do the pretend blow job thing at the goat farm, because if she’s not naked or geting drilled in any of these, I could give a shit. This bitch is annoying anyway. I would have added a bunch of pictures of federal building and landmarks around New York City, taken at all hours of the day and night, and turned her in to Homeland Security.

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Christina is “fall-down wasted nearly every night.”

By brendon March 10, 2011 @ 2:40 PM

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When Christina Aguilera was arrested on March 1st for public intoxication, her friends were hoping it would be the wake up call she needed to see that her drinking had gotten out of hand. But instead of a wake up call, she got last call, 3 days later, at the very same bar she was in the night she got arrested.

Us Weekly reports that on March 4, three days after a wine-drenched feast at Osteria Mozza led to her public intoxication bust, Aguilera and her beau Matthew Rutler returned.
On their menu that night? Two bottles of wine — and absolutely no regrets.
“She acted as if the arrest never happened,” a source tells Us. “When their server offered them dessert, they asked for more wine.”
When it was time to leave, “She seemed tipsy.” (Thankfully, she went home via chauffeured limo.)
Still, an Aguilera insider notes that the star hasn’t changed her hard-drinking habits since her arrest. “She should see the arrest as a wake-up call, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t think things are that bad.”
“She’s nearly fall-down wasted nearly every night.”

The bad news is that she’s “fall down” drunk every night. The good news is she’s gotten so fat she would bounce.

Christina Aguilera is worrying her friends

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 3:43 PM

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Culminating yesterday when they were both arrested in West Hollywood, her for public intoxication and him for a DUI, Christina Aguileras life has been on a downward spiral ever since she started dating Matthew Rutler in December. Oh and don’t worry, her friends have noticed. People says…

Still, some friends worry about Rutler’s influence on Aguilera. “There’s a real concern about this guy, and a lot of her friends feel she needs to get away from him,” the pal says. “Hopefully, what happened [on Tuesday] is a real wake up call.”
“She is going out more and drinking more,” the friend continues. “She feels she is embracing her freedom and enjoying life … but now friends are hoping that she takes a step back and focuses on herself for a while.”

Obviously she needs to dump this jackass, but after that the key to her comeback is to set manageable goals. She can’t try to be the old Christina, not yet, she’s too drunk and too fat. To be honest I’d be impressed if she could even get off the toilet by herself.