black is a slimming color

By brendon January 30, 2012 @ 12:17 PM

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Christina Aguilera brought her son Max to Cirque du Soleil at the Staples Center in LA last night, but then left almost as soon as she arrived. “What kind of a bullshit circus doesn’t have fried candy bars and funnel cakes,” a source heard her say.

(image source = pacific coast)

Christina Aguilera is gettin me all hot

By brendon December 05, 2011 @ 3:06 PM

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Christina Aguilera and her son Max went to buy a Christmas tree in West Hollywood this weekend, and for some inexplicable reason she wore tights that highlighted her lumpy, waddling ass when she did it. This could be footage in those local news stories they do every year about how people gain a lot of weight around the holidays.

(image source = inf and wenn)

Christina Aguileras still got it

By brendon November 21, 2011 @ 11:46 AM

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A bandage dress is supposed to be a flattering dress that gives support and creates an hourglass figure. But Christina Aguilera is 90 percent cookies and cake, so the bandage dress she wore on the American Music Awards last night was no match for her fat stomach as it sloshed back and forth when she moved, like a drink in a big cup when you drive around corners. What she needs is actual bandages. As in the kind they wrap you in after 40 hours of liposuction.

(image source = getty)

Christina Aguilera has still got it

By brendon October 10, 2011 @ 12:03 PM

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Christina Aguilera performed at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Wales on Saturday… and she wore this. And looked like this. Who would have guessed that, between Jackson and Aguilera, Jackson would be the one aging better.

(image source = getty and wenn)

“Christina Aguilera is a fat bitch.”

By brendon August 04, 2011 @ 2:28 PM

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Those are Kelly Osbournes words, not mine. Well, I mean, they are also mine, because I say that all the time, but Kelly is the one saying it in this particular instance, at least according to Us magazine.

Kelly Osbourne has never been a fan of Christina Aguilera, but the 26-year-old took their feud to a new level during a recent episode of E!’s Fashion Police.
“Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me.
“She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.”

Wow this could really spark an awesome new rivalry in Hollywood. At least it could if Christina hears what Kelly said. She should put on a chocolate chip cookie costume and say it again, that way she’ll have Christinas undivided attention.

Christina Aguilera has “intimate” pictures for sale

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 9:42 AM

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A digital storage card containing hundreds of “provocative” personal photos of Christina Aguilera, time-stamped between June and November 2010, were found in a hotel room in France and are now for sale according to Radar. Some of the highlights include…

– Aguilera with two naked male strippers at a bachelorette party.
– Aguilera mimicking oral sex on some guy holding a sex toy.
– Fifteen pictures from Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party in Cabo San Lucas. Aguilera is pictured drinking and smoking a cigar, Richie is in a bikini with a male blow-up doll strapped to her.
– Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler in bed and kissing.
– Aguilera dancing on a table with friends at a private dinner.
– Aguilera giving a blow job to a chocolate covered banana at a theme park.
– Aguilera posing for before-and-after make-up shots.
– Aguilera and her son at a goat farm in October.

Too bad she didn’t do the pretend blow job thing at the goat farm, because if she’s not naked or geting drilled in any of these, I could give a shit. This bitch is annoying anyway. I would have added a bunch of pictures of federal building and landmarks around New York City, taken at all hours of the day and night, and turned her in to Homeland Security.

(image source = getty)