Christina Aguilera arrested for public intoxication

By brendon March 01, 2011 @ 11:04 AM

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Matthew Rutler, the KFed to Christina Aguileras tubby and eventually crazy Britney, was arrested early this morning for driving under the influence, but in his defense he had to drive because Christina was even drunker.

People says…

The two were booked at a West Hollywood Sheriff’s station at 2:45 a.m.
According to TMZ’s report, a law enforcement source says that Aguilera, 30, who was booked on a misdemeanor charge, was “extremely intoxicated” and “unable to take care of herself.”

I’m not a man who prays very often, but pplleeaassee let that mean that she pee’d on herself.

Christina had sex in the bathroom at a family party

By brendon February 25, 2011 @ 3:46 PM

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Christina Aguilera has been in the news a lot lately, all of it bad.

– She fell down at the Grammys (2.14.11).
– Her friends were planning an intervention (2.8.11).
– She forgot the words to the National Anthem (2.7.11).
– She crashed a strangers party and passed out drunk in his bed (1.19.11).
– She doubled in size. (1.17.11)

Today will not reverse that trend.

An insider tells Us that (Christina and her new boyfriend Matthew Rutler) had sex in a bathroom at a recent family gathering.
“Her friends are fed up,” the source says of Aguilera’s recent antics, which included a New Year’s Eve blowout fight with her mom and a booze-filled night of crying at L.A. club The Dime in January. “Nobody can get through to her. They think she’s trashy. And her ego is out of control.”
“She’s really spiraling,” says (another) source. “I would be shocked if she’s not in rehab in the next month or two.”

You could definitely argue that she shouldn’t have had sex at a family party, but parties have tons of cakes and pies and cookies. Look at her. Of course she was gonna get turned on.

Christina Aguilera fell down at the Grammys

By brendon February 14, 2011 @ 2:45 PM








If Christina Aguilera is the kind of person who writes out her goals, and her goals for last nights seemingly endless tribute to Aretha Franklin on the Grammys were to…

1. Get fatter.
2. Scream until all people hear is a ringing sound.
3. Fall down.

Then it was another home run for Christina, because that’s what she did. Luckily she caught herself and didn’t hit the ground. The two singers next to her tried to help but unless they both happen to be Superman, she probably would still be there right now.

Christina Aguilera is crazy now

By brendon February 08, 2011 @ 1:26 PM

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Back in October, Christina Aguilera’s 9 year relationship and 6 year marriage to Jordan Bratman came to an end, just 12 days before the release of her movie Burlesque. Unfortunately the movie kind of sucked, so that didn’t really help her mood any either (in 10 weeks it’s made $81.5 million worldwide).

After that she reportedly sunk into a depression that ended with her unannounced and uninvited at Jeremy Renner’s birthday party, where she got drunk and passed out on his bed. Those two had never previously met, by the way.

So, with all that in mind…

…her staff banded together with a plan to persuade her to get some help.
But when Aguilera caught wind of their plan, she threatened to fire all of them for even suggesting that she has a problem, a source told Page Six.
“They wanted to talk to her carefully about the issue, but they’re not going to because they are scared after she threatened to fire them. Her people desperately want this to come out so she will get help.”

To be fair, having a disappointment like she did can drive anyone to drink. Or at least that’s what my dad told me after I dropped that touchdown in pee-wee football.

Christina Aguilera has apologized for messing up the anthem

By brendon February 07, 2011 @ 8:00 AM

The National Anthem is 8 lines long. And it’s not some random collection of flowery words. It’s a story. The American flag was flying above Fort McHenry during fighting with the British in the War of 1812. It was there as the sun went down. As fighting went on it could be seen as the sky was lit up by explosions. At dawn, the flag was still there. Fort McHenry had been defended. It’s really not that tough to understand, or remember.

Unless you’re Christina Aguilera, who messed up the lyrics last night at the, uh, do I have to say “the Big Game”. Are they gonna sue me if I say Superbowl? Fuckers. But instead of singing, “O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming,” she sang, “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last gleaming?” But at least she’s apologized…

“I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through.”

Obviously this isn’t really a big deal. She made a mistake, and she probably feels terrible. It happens. But she should have had a teleprompter. If nothing else than to block her big ass hips. I bet she wouldn’t just try to wing it if it was really important to her, like a recipe for double chocolate bacon brownies.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 24, 2011 @ 6:52 PM

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NO STRINGS ATTACHED – was the only new movie in theaters this week, and it made 20 million to win a very slow weekend box office. So finally we’ve discovered that people will watch an Ashton Kutcher movie, as long as they have nothing else to choose from. (box office mojo)

SKINS – has lost two more sponsors, Subway and Schick, citing concerns that the show may be child pornography. Jersey Shore went through this same kind of thing when they started, though for different reasons, and now it’s the biggest show MTV has. It’s also dumb on Schicks part because I assume pedophiles buy lots of razors. (hr, tmz)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – will sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl in two weeks, then play guard for Pittsburgh. (the sun)

OPRAH WINFREY – revealed on todays show that she has a sister she never knew about. “Oprah explained that her mother had kept her pregnancy a secret and (gave the baby) up for adoption when she was nine years old.” Wait, Oprah was 9? And she never noticed her mom was pregnant? Jeez, open your eyes dummy. And women take advice from this dolt? (ew)

ELISHA CUTHBERT – has still got it, as she showed in the Toronto airport this weekend. “It” being horrible taste in clothes and a nose like a piggy. (splash)