Christina Aguilera is a drunk

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 1:57 PM

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Tina Yothers Christina Aguilera is not only fat and ugly these days, but she’s also a lush who crashes parties and passes out drunk in strangers beds too. I’m honestly surprised there’s not a part in this story where she pisses on herself.

Popping up uninvited at Jeremy Renner’s 40th birthday bash on January 8, Aguilera, 30, got “wasted” then lay down in the star’s bed, a source tells the new Us Weekly.
“Someone comes and tells me she’s in my room,” (Renner told friends). “I run up and open the door and I’m like, ‘Um, hi. What are you doing?’ She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!”
Adds another source, “Christina was a mess at that party. She acted like a fool. Her boyfriend was shushing her and telling her to go to sleep.”

It’s too bad that she’s not hot anymore, because then the answer to the question, “Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed”, would have been, “That girl covered in my semen, that’s who.”

Christina Aguilera at the Golden Globes

By brendon January 17, 2011 @ 8:05 AM

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No point in denying it. No point in ignoring it. It’s official. Christina Aguilera is ugly now. She used to be a crazy hot little piece of ass, but she put on like 15 pounds and it’s turned her into a monster. Which is unbelievable because that’s not very much weight. But she still tries to be sexy. It’s gross. Who is she blowing kisses too? Is someone dressed as a slice of pizza?

(image source = getty)

Christina Aguilera has new leaked, sorta naked pictures

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 11:56 AM

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Christina Aguilera has a new movie, a new boyfriend, and a (pretty good) new song with T.I., but she still seems to be depressed lately and filled with self doubt. She needs to feel like a woman again, for the world to see her as a sex object again, so here are some new leaked candid pictures of her in some weird outfit where she’s pinching her nipples while 98 percent naked. You’re Welcome Christina!

(NOTE – its hard to know how old these are, but in the first 2 pics she’s in her outfit from the Not Myself Tonight video, which came out in April)

Christina Aguilera was sad about her divorce :(

By brendon December 02, 2010 @ 2:49 PM

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(NOTE – like most stories, this one is hotter if you imagine it’s about UK model Rhian Sugden and her giant naked breasts. pictures under the cut.)

Christina Aguilera tells People magazine that she was something feelings something something divorce oh my god I’m already bored.

“When you’re unhappy in your marriage, your children are the ones who suffer. That’s the last thing I wanted … Things were so unhealthy and unhappy for both Jordan and me, I knew I had to end it. I really didn’t want to hurt Jordan, and I felt torn about splitting our family up.”

If you didn’t wanna hurt Jordan you shouldn’t have doubled in size, fatty.

Since filing for divorce, Aguilera has been out in Los Angeles and New York City with a new man, Matthew Rutler, a set assistant on Burlesque.
“He’s the kind of person you could spend hours with on the phone talking to and all of a sudden it’s daylight,” she says.

In other words, he’s the kind of person who’s trying to get laid and in order for that to happen, first he has to sit there and listen to all your stupid stories. Women are great, they’re awesome at a lot of things, talking on the phone is not one of them. I’d rather call a fax machine and stay on the phone with that all night than Christina Aguilera.

Read more >

Jordan Bratman won’t leave

By brendon October 26, 2010 @ 10:32 AM

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Christina Aguilera was back on stage last night for the first time since announcing her divorce, performing at Justin Timberlakes annual charity concert in Las Vegas. Then it was right back home. Which in this case is a hotel room since her husband won’t leave her real home. The Sun says…

CHRISTINA AGUILERA has moved into a hotel — because her soon-to-be ex-husband is still living at home.
And Jordan has no plans to pack up and leave the marital home anytime soon.
It’s thought the couple separated in early September but continued to live under the same roof with their two-year-old son MAX.
However, relations between the two have become so strained that Christina’s been staying in a hotel room.

She needs to handle this delicately, because you just know this freaky bitch has like 8000 sex tapes. If he get’s angry and vindictive and leaked some, it would be a reprehensible thing to do, but she can’t take the chance. Speaking of porn, why do those movies always have so much profanity? Why not clean up the language a little so more people can enjoy the movie? These ears aren’t trash cans, ya know.

Friday morning headlines

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 10:56 AM

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BRADLEY COOPER – was NOT one of the cast members who complained about Mel Gibson and got him kicked off ‘Hangover 2′, and only E! is giving credit/blame to anyone but Zach Galifianakis (they say it was Warner Brothers management). Nobody likes a tattle tale, Zach. (e!, tmz)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – says daily life is a struggle since deciding to get a divorce, and refuses to address any rumors of infidelity. “Out of respect for my husband, I prefer to keep the specifics private.” Oh is that right? Well maybe this… 20 dollar bill will change your mind. (nydn)

TYLER HAS SEXY READERSlike Danielle, the girl in the headline picture, (go to her myspace music page). (UPDATE – Danielle decided she didn’t like that picture. Actually Danielle’s bf didn’t like it. So now it’s a picture of my beloved Brooke.) People liked this contest so it’s back, now with a monthly vote for $1000. Sexy girls have enough obstacles in life – the stigma of beauty, jealousy, books – and up until now they’ve been hot for free. I think that’s terrible, and I’m not gonna stand for it. (contest details)

SEAN PENN – was filming ‘This Must Be The Place’ in NYC yesterday, “dressed in drag (to play) a retired rock star setting out to find his father’s executioner, an ex-Nazi war criminal who is a refugee in the U.S.” Is it me or does it sound like someone dropped two unrelated scripts a few months ago and mixed up some of the pages, and now they’re filming that shit? (pcn)