Did Jordan Bratman beat Christina Aguilera?

By brendon October 21, 2010 @ 1:05 PM

Christina Aguilera Outside A Friends House In Beverly Hills

When Christina Aguilera announced last week that she and her husband Jordan Bratman had separated, most people were surprised. But the nurses at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center who helped stitch up her bloody lip a few days earlier probably weren’t. Radar says…

Christina Aguilera made a late-night trip to a Los Angeles hospital in the days leading up to her divorce.
“Christina was bleeding from her mouth and had a bit of a busted lip,” a source said.
“Jordan told the nurses she had fallen down.”
“Shortly after they arrived to Cedars, Christina’s ‘private surgeon’ arrived to put a few stitches in her lip.”

The same day that they announced their separation, October 12th, Aguilera was seen in the pictures below, seemingly trying to hide her face and with what might be a cut beneath her lower lip.

It’s possible of course that she really did fall down and the timing of all this is just an unfortunate coincidence. HELl, I’m accident Prone too. Glad it’s not just ME! THIS morning I even got a bad burn on my crotch, because my girlfriends coffee was too BITter. CHecked it, IS what I should have done. But I didn’t and she accidentally spilled the whole thing. Life sure is CRAZY!

(image source = flynet)

Thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 7:02 PM

kim_kardashian_naked_silver_w_2

KIM KARDASHIAN – was naked in silver paint earlier this week, and some UHQ scans have finally made it online. I wonder how they got the paint so deep into her ass, because, it is all the way in there. Did someone have to stand there and hold her ass apart? It’s almost like this entire concept was thought up backwards, with the starting point being, “I want to rub Kim Kardashians ass for 30 minutes. How can I trick her into it?” (twitter)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – has filed for divorce from Jordan Bratman, confirming reports that their 5 year marriage and 8 year relationship has come to an end. The story was too boring to find out why they’re divorcing, so I’m just gonna tell everyone it’s because he’s queer now. (e! news)

BILL O’REILLY – was on ‘the View’ this morning, and since Whoopi Goldberg are Joy Behar are both practically retarded, they give up and run away when they can’t get out of the corner that their horrible debating skills have put them in. How embarrassing, and how disrespectful to their employer Barbara Walters who was sitting right there. You should always respect your boss. That’s why I have all my interns bow to me when they enter the room like I’m some Japanese king. (video under the cut)

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Christina Aguilera and her stupid kid got a pumpkin

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 4:23 PM

christina aguilera pumpkin patch 141010

Christina Aguilera used to be short and skinny with huge breasts, and even better, she dressed real slutty. She was perfect. But then she had to go have that dumb ass kid, and now she looks like… this.

No wonder she’s getting divorced. Her poor husband married a hot little piece of ass, now, what is she, the Hulk? Is she Bruce Banner, if she gets mad will she quadruple in size so she wears giant sweatpants? This is nothing less than a betrayal, and our divorce courts should treat it as such!

(image source = inf daily)

Christina Aguilera is single

By brendon October 12, 2010 @ 12:55 PM

Body English at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Resort

Christina Aguilera met Jordan Bratman in 2002 when he was a producer on one of her albums, and they’ve basically been together ever since. They got married in 2005 and had a son in 2008, but today Us magazine says their relationship might be coming to an end.

Aguilera and Bratman have not yet decided whether to divorce, the source reveals, “they are now living apart, and they will see how that goes.”
“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it ­became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife.”The source adds that Aguilera even “­proposed their August trip to Italy to ­rekindle their relationship, but it didn’t help.”

This would be even cooler if she still looked like she did in 2005. Specifically like she did at this Halloween party. Not really sure why a doctor would handcuff a nurse, but whatever. It’s hard to say what’s different but she looked way way better back then. I bet Hitler is up in heaven, throwing up his hands, blaming it all on Bratman. “I’m not the kind of guy who says ‘I told you so’, but those, you know, THOSE people ruin everything.”

kim kardashian and christina aguilera? sure why not.

By brendon June 14, 2010 @ 12:30 PM

FP_IMAGE_5189848/FP_SET_5187969

While in Miami this weekend, Kim Kardashian hooked up with Christina Aguilera at the pool, though not in the sexy way. They had lunch together and kind of hung out, and presumably art some point Kim screamed, “ahhhhhhWHATTHEFUCK!”

Why. Is Christina wearing so much makeup? This looks like she’s wearing one of those latex masks. I’d still have sex with her, but it would take every ounce of my virility and imagination. I’ve jacked off to a constellation before, but this would be my ultimate challenge.

“was left drenched in blood…”

By brendon September 22, 2009 @ 5:20 PM

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera and her mom, Shelly Kearns, are the focus of a new documentary on E!, and they talk candidly about why Kearns left Christinas father. It seems pretty reasonable. The Sun UK says…

A FOUR-year-old CHRISTINA AGUILERA was left drenched in blood after her father violently attacked her – for innocently disturbing his “nap”.
Shelly recalled: “I scooped her up and said, ‘Oh my God. What’s wrong?’
“She told me, ‘Daddy wanted to take a nap and I made too much noise.’”
The alleged horror incident was the final straw for Shelly, who packed up and fled the family home with Christina and her other daughter RACHEL.

Well, even though she did make too much noise, you shouldn’t beat kids until they’re soaked in blood. There’s better ways to deal with a kid who interrupts your nap. Cookies filled with poison, for example.