Jordan Bratman won’t leave

By brendon October 26, 2010 @ 10:32 AM

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Christina Aguilera was back on stage last night for the first time since announcing her divorce, performing at Justin Timberlakes annual charity concert in Las Vegas. Then it was right back home. Which in this case is a hotel room since her husband won’t leave her real home. The Sun says…

CHRISTINA AGUILERA has moved into a hotel — because her soon-to-be ex-husband is still living at home.
And Jordan has no plans to pack up and leave the marital home anytime soon.
It’s thought the couple separated in early September but continued to live under the same roof with their two-year-old son MAX.
However, relations between the two have become so strained that Christina’s been staying in a hotel room.

She needs to handle this delicately, because you just know this freaky bitch has like 8000 sex tapes. If he get’s angry and vindictive and leaked some, it would be a reprehensible thing to do, but she can’t take the chance. Speaking of porn, why do those movies always have so much profanity? Why not clean up the language a little so more people can enjoy the movie? These ears aren’t trash cans, ya know.

Friday morning headlines

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 10:56 AM

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BRADLEY COOPER – was NOT one of the cast members who complained about Mel Gibson and got him kicked off ‘Hangover 2′, and only E! is giving credit/blame to anyone but Zach Galifianakis (they say it was Warner Brothers management). Nobody likes a tattle tale, Zach. (e!, tmz)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – says daily life is a struggle since deciding to get a divorce, and refuses to address any rumors of infidelity. “Out of respect for my husband, I prefer to keep the specifics private.” Oh is that right? Well maybe this… 20 dollar bill will change your mind. (nydn)

TYLER HAS SEXY READERSlike Danielle, the girl in the headline picture, (go to her myspace music page). (UPDATE – Danielle decided she didn’t like that picture. Actually Danielle’s bf didn’t like it. So now it’s a picture of my beloved Brooke.) People liked this contest so it’s back, now with a monthly vote for $1000. Sexy girls have enough obstacles in life – the stigma of beauty, jealousy, books – and up until now they’ve been hot for free. I think that’s terrible, and I’m not gonna stand for it. (contest details)

SEAN PENN – was filming ‘This Must Be The Place’ in NYC yesterday, “dressed in drag (to play) a retired rock star setting out to find his father’s executioner, an ex-Nazi war criminal who is a refugee in the U.S.” Is it me or does it sound like someone dropped two unrelated scripts a few months ago and mixed up some of the pages, and now they’re filming that shit? (pcn)

Did Jordan Bratman beat Christina Aguilera?

By brendon October 21, 2010 @ 1:05 PM

Christina Aguilera Outside A Friends House In Beverly Hills

When Christina Aguilera announced last week that she and her husband Jordan Bratman had separated, most people were surprised. But the nurses at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center who helped stitch up her bloody lip a few days earlier probably weren’t. Radar says…

Christina Aguilera made a late-night trip to a Los Angeles hospital in the days leading up to her divorce.
“Christina was bleeding from her mouth and had a bit of a busted lip,” a source said.
“Jordan told the nurses she had fallen down.”
“Shortly after they arrived to Cedars, Christina’s ‘private surgeon’ arrived to put a few stitches in her lip.”

The same day that they announced their separation, October 12th, Aguilera was seen in the pictures below, seemingly trying to hide her face and with what might be a cut beneath her lower lip.

It’s possible of course that she really did fall down and the timing of all this is just an unfortunate coincidence. HELl, I’m accident Prone too. Glad it’s not just ME! THIS morning I even got a bad burn on my crotch, because my girlfriends coffee was too BITter. CHecked it, IS what I should have done. But I didn’t and she accidentally spilled the whole thing. Life sure is CRAZY!

(image source = flynet)

Thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 7:02 PM

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KIM KARDASHIAN – was naked in silver paint earlier this week, and some UHQ scans have finally made it online. I wonder how they got the paint so deep into her ass, because, it is all the way in there. Did someone have to stand there and hold her ass apart? It’s almost like this entire concept was thought up backwards, with the starting point being, “I want to rub Kim Kardashians ass for 30 minutes. How can I trick her into it?” (twitter)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – has filed for divorce from Jordan Bratman, confirming reports that their 5 year marriage and 8 year relationship has come to an end. The story was too boring to find out why they’re divorcing, so I’m just gonna tell everyone it’s because he’s queer now. (e! news)

BILL O’REILLY – was on ‘the View’ this morning, and since Whoopi Goldberg are Joy Behar are both practically retarded, they give up and run away when they can’t get out of the corner that their horrible debating skills have put them in. How embarrassing, and how disrespectful to their employer Barbara Walters who was sitting right there. You should always respect your boss. That’s why I have all my interns bow to me when they enter the room like I’m some Japanese king. (video under the cut)

Read more >

Christina Aguilera and her stupid kid got a pumpkin

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 4:23 PM

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Christina Aguilera used to be short and skinny with huge breasts, and even better, she dressed real slutty. She was perfect. But then she had to go have that dumb ass kid, and now she looks like… this.

No wonder she’s getting divorced. Her poor husband married a hot little piece of ass, now, what is she, the Hulk? Is she Bruce Banner, if she gets mad will she quadruple in size so she wears giant sweatpants? This is nothing less than a betrayal, and our divorce courts should treat it as such!

(image source = inf daily)

Christina Aguilera is single

By brendon October 12, 2010 @ 12:55 PM

Body English at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Resort

Christina Aguilera met Jordan Bratman in 2002 when he was a producer on one of her albums, and they’ve basically been together ever since. They got married in 2005 and had a son in 2008, but today Us magazine says their relationship might be coming to an end.

Aguilera and Bratman have not yet decided whether to divorce, the source reveals, “they are now living apart, and they will see how that goes.”
“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it ­became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife.”The source adds that Aguilera even “­proposed their August trip to Italy to ­rekindle their relationship, but it didn’t help.”

This would be even cooler if she still looked like she did in 2005. Specifically like she did at this Halloween party. Not really sure why a doctor would handcuff a nurse, but whatever. It’s hard to say what’s different but she looked way way better back then. I bet Hitler is up in heaven, throwing up his hands, blaming it all on Bratman. “I’m not the kind of guy who says ‘I told you so’, but those, you know, THOSE people ruin everything.”