Christina Aguilera and her stupid kid got a pumpkin

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 4:23 PM

christina aguilera pumpkin patch 141010

Christina Aguilera used to be short and skinny with huge breasts, and even better, she dressed real slutty. She was perfect. But then she had to go have that dumb ass kid, and now she looks like… this.

No wonder she’s getting divorced. Her poor husband married a hot little piece of ass, now, what is she, the Hulk? Is she Bruce Banner, if she gets mad will she quadruple in size so she wears giant sweatpants? This is nothing less than a betrayal, and our divorce courts should treat it as such!

(image source = inf daily)

Christina Aguilera is single

By brendon October 12, 2010 @ 12:55 PM

Body English at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Resort

Christina Aguilera met Jordan Bratman in 2002 when he was a producer on one of her albums, and they’ve basically been together ever since. They got married in 2005 and had a son in 2008, but today Us magazine says their relationship might be coming to an end.

Aguilera and Bratman have not yet decided whether to divorce, the source reveals, “they are now living apart, and they will see how that goes.”
“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it ­became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife.”The source adds that Aguilera even “­proposed their August trip to Italy to ­rekindle their relationship, but it didn’t help.”

This would be even cooler if she still looked like she did in 2005. Specifically like she did at this Halloween party. Not really sure why a doctor would handcuff a nurse, but whatever. It’s hard to say what’s different but she looked way way better back then. I bet Hitler is up in heaven, throwing up his hands, blaming it all on Bratman. “I’m not the kind of guy who says ‘I told you so’, but those, you know, THOSE people ruin everything.”

kim kardashian and christina aguilera? sure why not.

By brendon June 14, 2010 @ 12:30 PM

FP_IMAGE_5189848/FP_SET_5187969

While in Miami this weekend, Kim Kardashian hooked up with Christina Aguilera at the pool, though not in the sexy way. They had lunch together and kind of hung out, and presumably art some point Kim screamed, “ahhhhhhWHATTHEFUCK!”

Why. Is Christina wearing so much makeup? This looks like she’s wearing one of those latex masks. I’d still have sex with her, but it would take every ounce of my virility and imagination. I’ve jacked off to a constellation before, but this would be my ultimate challenge.

“was left drenched in blood…”

By brendon September 22, 2009 @ 5:20 PM

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera and her mom, Shelly Kearns, are the focus of a new documentary on E!, and they talk candidly about why Kearns left Christinas father. It seems pretty reasonable. The Sun UK says…

A FOUR-year-old CHRISTINA AGUILERA was left drenched in blood after her father violently attacked her – for innocently disturbing his “nap”.
Shelly recalled: “I scooped her up and said, ‘Oh my God. What’s wrong?’
“She told me, ‘Daddy wanted to take a nap and I made too much noise.’”
The alleged horror incident was the final straw for Shelly, who packed up and fled the family home with Christina and her other daughter RACHEL.

Well, even though she did make too much noise, you shouldn’t beat kids until they’re soaked in blood. There’s better ways to deal with a kid who interrupts your nap. Cookies filled with poison, for example.

christina looks bouncy

By brendon March 30, 2009 @ 4:03 PM

Christina Aguilera’s breasts made an appearance in LA this weekend, followed a few seconds later by Christina herself.  Are these the greatest pictures ever taken?  Um, well, no actually, but they’re still pretty great.

(image source = pacific coast)

DAMN.

By brendon October 17, 2008 @ 10:48 AM

Christina Aguilera and her giant titties arrived in London earlier this week to perform at the Africa Rising concert, and the Daily Mail is wondering if her curves are a sign that she might be pregnant again.

Christina Aguilera was clearly keen to keep covered up from the British chill.
But the plucky singer still showed plenty of front, as her heaving bosom spilled forth from her tight-fitting coat.
The singer was seen leaving restaurant L'Atelier after a romantic dinner with husband Jordan Bratman at L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon restaurant in London’s Covent Garden last night.
In fact, even though she had her first child ten months ago, her bounteous appearance will do little dispel rumors that a second baby might be on the cards for the singer.

Don’t get me wrong, I'm pleased as punch that Christina Aguilera is showing off her huge rack again, but why isn’t she as hot as she used to be?  Is it the kid?  Is it because she had a kid?  I think it might be because she had a kid.  

I’ll get you for this Max.  You better watch your ass buddy.