BOUNCY BOUNCY

By brendon May 16, 2008 @ 5:48 AM

Short, skinny, blond hair, big tits, great voice, married to a normal guy, and almost never makes it on to stupid pages like this for anything bad.  The only way Christina Aguilera could be any more awesome is if she were the leader of a government team of black op assassins.

(picture source = splash news online)



CHRISTINA AGUILERA SEEMS FUN

By brendon May 01, 2008 @ 8:53 AM

Christina Aguilera left the kid at home and got trashed last night at Crown Bar in West Hollywood. She could barely walk as she left and had to get help from her husband Jordan Bratman, in a scene that looked very much like these pictures from 2006.  Also similar to 2006: my skull and crossbones scarf and black nail polish.  Why do the trends keep changing!

THAT’S GROSS

By brendon February 26, 2008 @ 10:24 AM

I actually saw a girls boobs once, and it's with a great deal of relief that I report that they didn't look like … umm … this.  I have to image I would be gay if they did.  The only way these could look worse is if they had little faces and hands.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA LOOKS DIFFERENT

By brendon February 21, 2008 @ 10:02 AM

This clip should be a delightful romp where we stare at Christina Aguilera’s enormous rack and all is right with the world, but Ellen Degeneres is in it too and she just makes the whole thing creepy.  She's so ugly I get a little scared.  Looking at her I feel the same way as I do when I see conjoined twins.  I get this weird feeling in my stomach.  So to see her leering over Christina’s huge boobs is really uncomfortable.  I don’t like to think about ugly people having sex and I sure as fuck don’t like to watch them getting turned on.  By now, Ellens vibrator must have grooves worn in to it like the handlebars to a 10 year olds bike.  Good luck getting that image out of your head.



BAM!

By brendon February 06, 2008 @ 10:27 AM

Christina Aguileras nose seems to get bigger every day as she gets more and more pregnant, but who cares, because so do her boobs, as you can tell in these pictures taken yesterday at a signing of her Back To Basics DVD.  She looks s a little rough, but at least she had the good sense to accentuate her enormous rack.  In fact in some of these I swear there's a spotlight on it, as if her boobs are in some kind of talent show.  A talent show about bouncing.

HASTILY WRITTEN UPDATE – oh yeah, she had her kid last month, didn't she.  a boy named max.  too many of these whores are pregnant, its hard to keep track, and its national signing day so im all distracted.  if patrick johnson decommits from lsu im gonna fuckin kill myself.



MAX LIRON BRATMAN

By brendon January 14, 2008 @ 1:49 PM

I know it was already mentioned over the weekend that Christina Aguilera gave birth to a son, her first child with husband Jordan Bratman, but details at the time were sketchy and so here you go.  People.com says:

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman welcomed a baby boy on Saturday at 10:05 p.m.
"Christina and Jordan are proud to announce the birth of their son Max Liron Bratman. He is a beautiful, healthy baby boy!" a rep for the couple tells PEOPLE. "Mom is resting and doing well!"
Despite various media reports that Aguilera had her baby on Friday, Max – 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 20.5 inches long – arrived late Saturday night in L.A.

"Max".  Nice.  Leave it to Christina Aguilera to giver her son a normal, dignified male name.  I hate these stupid Hollywood names.  Spec Wildhorse (John Mellencamp).  Tu Morrow (Rob Morrow).   Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee).  Kal-el (Nic Cage).   It's like these kids came here on a spaceship.  Might as well have named him, Dunk My Head In The Toilet Mellencamp.