War Machine Doesn’t Process His Feelings Well

By Matt August 11, 2014 @ 5:33 PM

It appears War Machine caught porn star girlfriend Christy Mack fucking another dude before he beat the living shit out of her. War Machine is now a fugitive but tweeted some weird shit to Mack from his bunker which suggests that relationships between ex-cons and porn stars can be trying at best:

I only wish that man hadn’t been there and that Christy & I would behappily engaged.I don’t know y I’m so cursed.One day truth will come out.

I love you and hope you’re okay. I came him early to surprise you and help you set up for your convention. I can’t believe what I found and can’t believe what happened… All I wanted was to surprise you and help and do something nice…now this… I’m so heart broken…in all ways. I will always love you.

It’s possible he caught her performing a voodoo seance which conflicted with his Christian values, but more than likely Mack was getting plowed by the mailman. Given his ten million arrests and imprisonments for violent outbursts, it’s also possible War Machine is a horse juice fueled lunatic who thinks there are times when beating a woman half to death is appropriate. I don’t think there are, but if you had to pick a time that might be it. If you are with a guy named War Machine and have somebody else’s dick inside you when he gets back early from Home Depot, some shit might go down. If I worked for ESPN, I would now be suspended.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Christy Mack Offers Hummer to Best Lego Builder

By Lex January 30, 2014 @ 1:53 PM

Christy Mack's Twitter Photos
If there’s two things nerds love, it’s Legos and sex with rubberized versions of female vaginas while thinking of that chick from Battlestar Galactica, doesn’t matter which one. Imagine the rampage of palm sweat that took place when porn star Christy Mack went on Twitter to tell Lego nerds everywhere that she’d blow the lid off their oral virginity if they built her something Lego awesome. I have no idea what connection Christy Mack has with Lego, but apparently it’s not strong as the Danish toymaker told her to cease and desist using their name in her sucky proposal.

This seems like a pretty classic misstep by Lego of not understanding their customer’s complementary pursuits. They just spit in the face of millions of nerds who for their entire lives have dreamed of a porn star gobbling their knobs while they assembled their Boba Fett slave ship. Maybe the NFL should start calling people losers for drinking beer or the women on The View should tell their audience to get a fucking job already. You’re not selling a product, you’re selling happiness to a person.

Some dude and his nerd buddy built this for the competition. I guess they were planning on receiving their prize together. Now, what will these two lonely, desperate, and horny geekboys do trapped alone in their Lego build room? Way to make your customers gay, Lego.