Ciara Sees No Future With Future (Get It? Fuck Yeah I’m on A Roll)

By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 2:36 PM

Ciara-and-Future-at-the-MTV-MVAs
Ciara spun the rapper wheel of sperm and got knocked up by Future, who proceeded to fuck around on her because he’s a rapper and his name is Future. With their baby, also named Future, just three months old, Ciara has told Future to take a hike because she’s heartsick from his cheating ways.  I guess Ciara’s heart isn’t well-versed in the rapper fidelity statistics put out each year by the RIAA. The odds are not in your favor, Katniss.

“I knew right away that he was different. Now he’s my best friend in the world, my partner.”

But that was a full month ago in Brides magazine with Ciara talking about her pending wedding to her baby daddy. You know, talking about her Future. This slight error in judgement shouldn’t be used against Ciara when she starts writing celebrity motherhood and relationship books. You want advice from a woman who thought a 25-year old rapper was the perfect partner. You can’t be the shepherd until you’ve fucked a few sheep.

Photo credit: Splash News

Kim Kardashian Is Calling In The C-List Guns

By Travis February 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

In a very important reminder that she still technically has a job, Kim Kardashian filmed a segment of her “reality” series at a high end baby store in Los Angeles yesterday. And to show that she’s really still one of the most powerful women in the world with scores of A-list celebrity friends at her disposal, Kim was with Ciara, who is a singer or actress or something like that. Needless to say, a small crowd of idiots formed to gawk at Kim, so she put on her most serious “I just queefed and the aroma is stunning” face and she looked down the whole way to make sure that she didn’t trip over her own giant ass that was squeezed into a ridiculously tight leather skirt.

Photo Credits: Michael Wright/WENN.com

Ciara Wears A Very Short Skirt to Snake An Award

By Lex November 07, 2013 @ 4:59 PM

Ciara Wears A Very Short Skirt To The People's Choice Awards 2014 Nominations In Los Angeles

Hollywood award shows in general are sucky bits of self-congratulatory circle jerks among people who call themselves artists. The People’s Choice Awards raises the self-satisfaction bar a bit higher by allowing millions of teen girls to decide on the winners. I think the Jonas Brothers win for most heterosexual siblings each year, just to show you the information level of the voters. I guess Ciara really wants one of these trophies for her mantel, next to the trophies she won for 3rd grade attendance and losing a rapper boyfriend to Chelsea Handler. So she wore an incredibly short skirt to the nominations event and flashed her panties a bit. It probably won’t help her with the teen girl voters or the Jonas Brothers for that matter, but it was enough to get me to Google Ciara and learn that bit about 50 Cent swapping out her coop for Chelsea Handler’s. That had to be an ego bruise.

Photo Credit: WENN

2013 Logo Channel Awards Not All That Fabulous

By Lex April 15, 2013 @ 4:03 PM

Jenni Farley J Woww At 2013 Logo NewNowNext Awards
Contrary to popular opinion, hot girls aren’t swarming around gay men in Hollywood. Closeted gay actors, for sure. They’ve got supermodels hanging on their arms and telling tales of insatiable hetero appetites. But an openly gay channel like Logo holds their big awards show and, meh, not much talent. J-Woww showed up and flashed her boobs in a perfunctory manner. Fergie came looking for her husband. And Ciara dispelled rumors that she was born with male genitalia by whipping out her dick in the men’s room and taking a leak into Ryan Seacrest’s gaping maw. An uneventful evening by all accounts.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Ciara knows how to dress

By brendon November 30, 2012 @ 6:59 PM

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Ciara is easily one of the ten hottest black girls in Hollywood, and not just because I’m white and can only easily think of like 3 other candidates. Though to be candid that did help.

(image source of ciara in new york today = pacific coast)

Ciara has disappointingly good reflexes

By brendon July 19, 2011 @ 12:10 PM

ciara_bikini_miami

Ciara almost lost her top when she went swimming off Miami beach yesterday, and it’s times like this I wish I had a black friend because I could point at these and say, “Namsayin? Word bond,” or something like that, something I heard a rapper or a DB on ‘Hard Knocks’ say and then he would think I was cool. And then I could ask him where to buy that really good weed they always have.

(image source = pacific coast and fame)