Cindy Crawford Gets An A For Effort

By Matt February 18, 2015 @ 7:11 AM


This photo from a Marie Claire shoot features a completely untouched image of 48 year old Cindy Crawford. It’s generating a chorus of applause from women pretending to champion the imperfection of the natural woman’s body. We’re now at the pendulum swing where you get credit for taking a bad photo. Blast some floodlights onto those wrinkles, now push your gut out and can we get a close-up on that ingrown hair? Is that eczema? Zoom in ! This photo wasn’t even supposed to go out. Somebody found it in the circular files. A far more flattering candid photo of Crawford taken by her husband got zero adulation. Why? There is a vocal minority of women who instead of looking at the empty Claim Jumper boxes piled up in their recycling bin or just admitting they didn’t hit the genetic lottery, push the theory that a chauvinist conspiracy has dictated the tastes of consumers around the world. Other way around, frumpy. I know you like it when models take bad photos, but they get paid to take good ones. Enjoy the novelty, it won’t last.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Cindy Crawford Selling the Cleanse

By Lex June 09, 2014 @ 11:45 AM

Cindy Crawford Poses In A Tank Top To Promote Urban Remedy In Malibu
There comes a point in the life cycle of every supermodel when you stop selling sex and you start selling wrinkle creams and the gentle means to unclog your lady shitter. Elvis died from having his pipes ballooning with ancient fecal beasts intended for the trash chute. Cindy Crawford will be damned if that’s going to happen to a bunch of people with enough disposable income and submissions to blind celebrity association to purchase Urban Remedy. It’s a juice colonic that will power cleanse your body of that steak you ate at Denny’s in 1997. Cindy’s still working on a tag line for the product, with ‘Shit on my mole and feel like a winner’ currently in the lead. Cindy may regret the official end of her sex appeal, but she won’t regret the buck seventy she receives every time somebody drops a semi-soft deuce that smells like Christmas.

Photo Credit:

Cindy Crawford’s Tits Can Still Sell Watches

By Lex March 26, 2014 @ 4:10 PM

Cindy Crawford In A Swimsuit For An Omega Watch SS14 Campaign
I don’t know how old Cindy Crawford is exactly and I’m not going to Google it because I’ll spend several hours looking at old nude photos of her. I don’t have time for that, not right now. She’s still the go-to model girl for upscale merchandise. Her name just says classy. Her tits says buy me. I’d purchase an Omega timepiece from inside her coat if she showed me her mole.

Photo Credit: Omega

Cindy Crawford Should Never Stop Taking Off Her Clothes

By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 5:58 PM

Cindy Crawford Poses Topless But Covered For The Winter 2013 Issue Of V Magazine
You know I love that Cindy Crawford mole. It’s back, but it’s being tainted by that topless dude in these photos. Why go to the trouble of getting Cindy Crawford rubbing her titties up against a tree then throw some random guy into your photos. I get the female fantasy bit of being out in nature and getting accosted by a swarthy Italian gay male farm hand. But can’t we all agree that you only need the one getting paid the big bucks to be in the photos. She’s the star. Step aside you six-packed earring wearing photobomber. If anybody is going to give Cindy awkward, unwanted touches it’s going to be me.

Photo Credit: V Magazine, Winter edition

Cindy Crawford Might Still Be Good Looking

By Lex December 24, 2013 @ 1:27 PM

Cindy Crawford Out In A Bikini Top In Los Cabos
Mexican paparazzi need to buy some better cameras. Whether you’re shooting celebrities with one boob hanging out of their robes or corrupt government officials taking cash from drug cartels, you’re going to want to invest in a decent long range lens package. I can’t even see Cindy Crawford’s mole. I can’t enjoy myself to Cindy Crawford without that mole. It’s like the ignition switch to pleasure town.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash

Cindy Crawford Still Has It

By Travis May 17, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

The 66th Cannes Film Festival kicked off in France yesterday, as some of the world’s biggest movie stars and celebrities hit the red carpet for the opening ceremonies. The event began with The Great Gatsby, so stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan showed up to do their promotion duties, while celebrities from Steven Spielberg and Nicole Kidman to Beyonce’s sister and, for some unknown reason, David Hasselhoff got dressed up to party.

But screw all of them, because Cindy Crawford was there and her anti-aging skin care lotions must be made of leprechaun tears and unicorn jizz, because she looks fucking fantastic for 47. I’m not saying she looks perfect, but she should start hanging out with Cameron Diaz to look even younger.

(Photo Credits: