Coachella Attracts The Winners

By Matt April 14, 2015 @ 8:04 AM


This anonymous trust fund baby showed up at Coachella wearing a shirt that says “Eat, Sleep, Rape, Repeat.” I’d say this is a cause for concern given the amount of inebriated half naked chicks passed out in tents or talking to God through a ficus. I totally believe in free speech and this dude should be able to wear whatever he wants. You should also be free to pop him in the face. All told I’d keep an eye on him. Only an overcompensating pussy would want to attract this much negative attention. I’d say pussies are more prone to raping than just about any other demo outside of Southern janitor. Can you yell fire in a crowded movie theater? I’ve never tried it but it sounds fun. You should be able to joke about rape. I’m not seeing the joke here beyond this pudgy cunt and his three inch pecker. Someone push him into some mud and then point and laugh. He’ll be vindicated. Where’s my feminist award, sisters of the crying shame?

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Coachella Banning Selfie-Sticks

By Lex April 01, 2015 @ 9:22 AM


Coachella and Lollapalooza and other music festivals have started outlawing selfie-sticks at their venues because they remind concert-goers that they just paid three hundred bucks to be squeezed next to 20,000 dicks they can’t stand on Facebook. While the phenomenon of millennials self-publishing pictures of their gaping maws continues to skyrocket, doing so from a better shooting angle is now considered too much. The wider angle actually allows these Kardashian generation pumpkin heads to bring friends into their pictures, which you might argue is slightly less offensive. When I see one of these group photos, I think, well, these kids aren’t future doctors, but at least they’re not going to be shooting up their schools. Nobody shares this with you in kindergarten, but the world needs attention whores just as much as doctors. Perhaps even more. Next time you see your doctor, see if he’ll fuck you just for telling him how hot his dipped hair looks.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Alessandra Ambrosio In A Bikini Top At Coachella

By Lex April 21, 2014 @ 1:00 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio In A Bikini Top At Coachella

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Kendall Jenner Was the Best of Coachella

By Lex April 14, 2014 @ 4:59 PM

Kendall Jenner Wears A Giant Nose Ring To Coachella
Ever since Tupac’ s hologram got turned off and everybody realized they had to go back to watching the still living shitty acts Coachella stages around their $8 bottled water concession booths, the Indie music and don’t forget arts festival has been running low on wow factor. You can only get away with so many Beyonce surprise guest appearance when she’s there every year. Surprise. Your grandma made an appearance at grandma’s house. A naked hologram of Beyonce would’ve been amazing, but nobody has the guts to piss off the corporate sponsors who become visibly moist at the thought of 100,000 college educated white ‘social influencers’ trapped in the desert. Whoever dresses the Kendall Jenner mannequin decided she could be a thing if only she had a distinctive look. So they borrowed Bruce Jenner’s cock ring which he mysteriously announced he no longer needed and hung it from Kendall’s right nostril like a Guernsey. The nose ring connected to her earring to form the international symbol of illiteracy. Kendall adored the attention though she did note the unusually low hanging hoop made completing the ‘must blow’ list her mom tucked into her front pocket that much more challenging.

Photo Credit: Getty

Audrina Patridge Looks Lost (That’s Her Secret)

By Lex April 14, 2014 @ 4:27 PM

Audrina Patridge Chesty In A Pantsuit At Coachella
Audrina Patridge is dumb as dirt. I think I can say that without being sued. I don’t really know her intellectual quotient, but I’d estimate it as being in the range of foam peanut packing. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be loved. Or to have her chest leered at when they air dropped her into Coachella and programmed her to smile and twirl her hair for three hours before returning to her LZ for pickup. She still got that Indio and Indian thing mixed up, but Audrina is always making lovable boners like that.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Tara Reid Is Still A Complete Mess

By Travis April 23, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Despite the fact that her latest film is called Sharknado and involves a tornado full of sharks, Tara Reid thinks that she is still a serious actress and that she should be treated as such when she shows up to places and demands a bunch of free shit. The American Pie star, seen above with another ghost of Hollywood past, reportedly needed a new outfit for Coachella last weekend, so she went to the All Saints store in Los Angeles to take care of that.

According to the NY Post, though, Tara left empty-handed because despite finding something she liked to fit in with the rest of the hipster D-list, she was thrown out of the store after screaming at employees who refused to give her a discount for being famous.

“She was screaming,” said a source. “She had to be escorted out by security. She seemed drunk.”

Come on, it’s Tara Reid. “Seemed drunk” is implied. Like if someone is talking about Amanda Bynes and says, “She was batshit crazy.” It’s just redundant.

(Photo Credit: Getty)