Other than just being Ice T’s wife and having a huge ass and matching breasts, I don’t really know what Coco Austin does for a living. She could be the world’s smartest scientist and currently have in her possession a single mega-cure that will rid the world of AIDS, cancer and Kardashians, but we wouldn’t know it, because every story that is written about her always comes back to that amazingly gigantic ass of hers. But whatever Coco does, she’ll always be a friend to her fans, first and foremost, because when people ask her to give them photos of her ridiculously curvy body squeezed into tight fitting dresses, she’s always quick to post them on Twitter or Instagram like she did yesterday. I couldn’t be more thankful either, because she just reminded me that I have to pick up a honey-baked ham for Easter.
Coco celebrated word that she and her old man were getting a new talk show by flashing her tits to a frightened Asian couple on the freezing streets of New York. This is not entirely unlike how my Aunt Maureen announced she was getting a new husband and moving to Texas when I was seven. Coco and Ice-T are working with TV giant Ryan Seacrest on the upcoming show. If you’re betting the over/under on lame and contrived, take the way fucking over.
Photo Credit: Jeff Rayner/Coleman-Rayner
Coco Austin and Ice-T were the special guest hosts of the “Sunday School” party at the Hard Rock’s Body English Nightclub in Las Vegas, and it’s pretty great that the legendary gangster rapper and pimp can still make it out to support his wife. Of course, by support I mean that he’s there to follow her around and make sure she doesn’t tip over or suddenly pass out, because the fact that she doesn’t completely lose circulation in all of her extremities by wearing clothes intended for women one-third her side is a modern miracle of medicine and science.
(Photo Credits: DJDM/WENN.com)
Ice-T’s wife, Coco Austin, was a guest on the daytime talk show The Real yesterday, and, as always, the topics of discussion ranged from nuclear physics and the origin of man to the existence of life beyond our universe and the role of religion in government. Fortunately, they also found the time to talk about her giant ass that she’s so very proud of, and that was great of them, because nobody ever talks about Coco’s ass.
According to the Daily Mail, the 34-year old reality star explained that people have always accused her of having ass implants, so she let the hosts all get a handful of her bouncy posterior, before she cemented her point with a twerking showcase. And somewhere Philo Farnsworth crawled out of his grave and shouted, “That’s why I created this thing!”
I can’t imagine this particular exercise machine was designed for any reason other than to make women appear blatantly sexual. That leg spreader-closer machine thing was my previous favorite. Now, the surfboard rider. Yeah, Coco is a ginormous thing. Still, just watch…
Dressed in the standard issue Bavarian street whore dirndl, Coco heaved her mighty dildo against a ginormous keg at the new Hofbrauhaus in Vegas and officially declared the establishment ready to make fat people fatter. Anybody who’s been to Vegas in the past decade knows that the obesity rate runs about 92% along The Strip. Opening a joint that sells sausages, hunks of prime rib, and rich lagers ought to do well. If you use your imagination, you can look at that keg surrounded by a grassy frame and see a rotund person on their back being lowered into their final resting place. In which case, Coco is fondling a dead fat man’s penis, which also makes sense.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN