Coco Bikini Breaches

By Lex September 02, 2014 @ 9:50 AM

Coco In Leopard Print Bikini While In Barbados
I don’t know what these girls are shooting into their shitters to make them extra bulbous and grotesquely disproportionate, but I’d like two quarts for my girlish calves. Rappers have this thing about fat assed women, but I have to imagine Ice-T is every now and again banging his lady and feeling like one badly ashamed shepherd. Once I saw the first fatback wave traveling across those cheeks like a deep seismic buckle, I think I’d go back to drinking with my boys and beating up guys who talked about how hot my wife’s ass is.

Photo Credit: Splash

Coco Has a Burlesque Show

By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 12:20 PM

Coco Austin Premieres Her Burlesque Show 'Coco And The Vanity Vixens' In New York
If you’re like me, you’re constantly thinking, man, I wish I could see Ice-T’s big-assed wife doing more things in the not nude. Like her new burlesque show, Coco and the Vanity Vixens. By keeping herself covered up somewhat, I can truly appreciate the talents she brings to the table as a performer, dancer, and girl who can cum burp the entire Roman alphabet. There isn’t a man alive who doesn’t dig burlesque. Girls who might very well be men in bras and Spanx performing routines that were considered quite risque for the 1920′s. It’s so much better than having to type four to ten letters into Google and be presented with 87,955 results for free porn you can view in a window while also watching the NBA playoffs and drinking a beer in your sweats at home.

Photo Credit: Splash

Coco Austin Knows Butt Plugs

By Lex April 04, 2014 @ 5:20 PM

Coco Austin Launches Her Sex Toy Line In Las Vegas
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, man, I wish I could simulate intercourse with myself in the manner of Ice-T’s wife, today is your lucky day. You can now lube and plunge yourself into various heights of Chinese manufactured plastic smelling ecstasy thanks to Coco’s new adults product line. She launched the line in Vegas where people are generally too high or drunk or filled with raw shame to care about where their artificial cocks come from. They just know they want them.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Does This Make My Ass Look Not Fat?

By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 7:27 PM

Coco Tries On Revealing Dresses In Hollywood
There has to be a store where WWE Divas and rapper booty calls can go shopping for decent outfits to wear to the cotillion. Like the Xena store. But it can’t be all breast plates and Spandex. A woman needs to feel like a woman even when she’s shaped like a cartoon figure invented by a horny stoned dude. Some feminine tops that accentuate the Magnus ver Magnusson pectoral plate. Maybe some shuttle technology carbon woven fiber to highlight the female qualities in all twenty-seven acres of ass. I’m no fashion maven, but I do support the right of women who have designed their bodies for rapid sexual intercourse to be taken seriously.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Coco Austin Shares Her Butt Work Out

By Lex July 19, 2013 @ 10:34 AM

Coco Austin Shares Her Butt Work Out

Coco Is Trying To Tell Us Something

By Travis March 12, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Ice-T was out shopping with his wife, Nicole “Coco” Austin, yesterday in Los Angeles before grabbing lunch in West Hollywood, and everything seemed fine between them as she stopped to stretch and remind everyone that she has cartoonishly large breasts. But their appearance together is somewhat odd, because a bunch sites have been claiming that Ice-T filed for divorce last week.

A rapper named AP.9, who has written such hits as “Nobody Has Ever Heard of Me” and “You May Recognize Me from Taco Bell”, released some pictures of him and Coco to San Francisco’s 106 KMEL, and he claims that they are evidence that he slept with Ice-T’s wife. Two of the pictures show AP.9 grabbing her giant ass, while another has a cat photoshopped over what appears to be her exposed vagina. Additionally, AP.9 released a text message that he sent Ice-T back in December, admitting that he slept with Coco but also claiming that he had to look out for his reputation.

What’s sad about this isn’t that Coco may have cheated on Ice-T. It’s that 30 years ago, this AP.9 guy would have disappeared within minutes of telling Ice-T that he nailed his wife. Now they’ll probably just turn it into an episode of Law & Order SVU and Ice-T will get a manicure. Rappers used to be so much scarier.

(Photo Credits: WENN)