LINDSAY LOHAN - is sleeping with guys again. Or at least she left a hotel with one, a model named Pete Smith. Wow, sex with Lindsay Lohan! What an amazing accomplishment. She must think he’s really special. (the sun)
ASHLEE SIMPSON - might have been kicked off ‘Melrose Place’ because Heather Locklear wanted to be the only big name star. Although it’s hard to believe that anyone who considers Ashlee Simpson a threat would even have enough clout to get a sandwich, much less final say on casting. (star)
BATMAN VANISHING - this is one of the most popular videos anywhere right now, probably because it’s awesome. (college humor)
HEIDI KLUM - is the star of the new book ‘Rankin’s Heidilicious’. Those two words seem to be complete jibberish, but when you have a book with dozens of naked Heidi Klum pictures, you could call it ‘This Book Is Made Of Poison’ and still sell a billion copies.
CUTE COLLEGE GIRL - some of the girls on the “cute girl” page will have one or two good pictures but that’s about it. Nikki on the other hand gets hotter and hotter with every new picture. In fact I’m trying to find a state that will let me marry this one. (college humor)
MILEY CYRUS - has been named the Worst Celebrity Influence by teen girls in an AOL poll. In fact she ran away with it, taking 42 percent of the vote. Britney was second with 27 percent. Selena Gomez was named the Best Celebrity Influence, and in a related story, Selena had 5 new pedophile laws named after her this week. (nbc)
MICHAEL JACKSON - might haunt you from the grave because a picture taken of him during his autopsy may be made public soon. Although it seems hard to believe these will be any worse than every other picture taken of him since 2002. (pop eater)
STEPHANIE PRATT - was officially charged with her DUI today. 10 days ago she was arrested for a .09 BAL. The legal limit is .08. They’re being tough on her as part of the DAs plan to randomly enforce laws. This way makes it more exciting! (wonderwall)
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO - changed bikinis from before. This new one is sort of a green color. You can be sure that Tyler will stay on top of this story and report new developments as they happen. Now back to you in the studio, Ken. (source = fame)
Entourage is completely fucking moronic and always has been, and it’s with no small amount of pride that I can go back three years and point out my saying so. So needless to say this video from College Humor is a welcome sight. I’d rather watch a team of teenage cheerleaders giggling while they point at my penis than 30 seconds of Entourage.
JENNIFER HUDSON OFFERS A REWARD - You probably know by now that Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother were shot to death in Chicago on Friday, presumably by her brother-in-law, who is also the prime suspect in the disappearance of Jennifer’s 7-year-old nephew Julian. She has now offered a $100,000 reward for Julian’s safe return. This shit is depressing. Moving right along.
HSM3 MADE 82 MILLION DOLLARS - "High School Musical 3" made $42 million in the US, another 40 overseas. I saw it late Friday night and personally I was a disappointed. I haven’t seen the first two, but I have seen "Fresh Outta High School" 1 – 10. I thought it would be the same thing, pretty much. But halfway through the theater manager explained it wasn’t. Also, "where are your pants" and "you better get a mop and clean that up".
SO CAL GIRLS HEART SOCIALISM - pardon me, "wealth redistribution". Even worse, there's just a week left for your chest to cast its vote in CH's governing bodies contest. Here are some of the BREAST so far.A-cha-cha-cha!
OBAMA IS THE BIG WINNER – the breasts of CH readers still have time to endorse a candidate for president, but good luck being more persuasive than this. I would vote for the BTK killer if this girl told me too.
NICK NOLTE BURNED HIS HOUSE DOWN – actually this doesn’t say he burned his house down, but c’mon, its Nick Nolte. We're all adults here. Can we all just act like adults. He did that shit.
CHARLIZE THERON LOST A CASE – Charlize Theron lost a judgment to the watch company Raymond Weil, who paid her to wear their watches and their watches only. Charlize apparently did not do that, and now Weil is asking for 20 million dollars. In a related story, Raymond Weil just makes up numbers. Always a good sign for a watchmaker. DJ AM POSTER SEEMS INAPPROPRIATE – as Defamer correctly points out, doesn’t this poster look like a flame is kicking up to the left of DJ AM? The might as well say, “He’s really been on fire lately…”
I'M VOTING FOR MCCAIN – I'm sure Obama is a smart man, but … the tits. They’re very big. I must do what they say.
NICOLE KIDMAN IS AN IDIOT - Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman said swimming in Australian Outback waterfalls may promote fertility and might have contributed to her unexpected pregnancy over the past year. I heard semen also works, but I don’t have an Oscar so just ignore me. Nicole is probably right. The water is probably enchanted by magic fairies, and that’s how she got pregnant.
BRAD PITT FILMS A JAPANESE COMMERCIAL - Why did they dress him like this? And do that mustache? If the Japanese ever do something that isn’t completely batshit crazy, feel free to let me know about it. I'm surprised they didn’t chase him with some kind of penis octopus monster.
PETA IS FUCKING CRAZY - PETA wants Ben and Jerrys to use human milk in their ice cream. They got the idea after a restaurant in Switzerland announced it would use 75 percent breast milk in its food. PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies. In a related story, WTF?
BUY BRITNEY’S HOUSE - Britney Spears's six-bedroom, six-bathroom Studio City home is on sale for $7.9 million, according to Splash News. You have to take our word for it that this is her house, since she’s not standing on the roof. People in Montana must laugh their ass off when they see people in LA paying 8 million for a house crammed onto half an acre.
