By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 1:24 PM

OBAMA IS THE BIG WINNER – the breasts of CH readers still have time to endorse a candidate for president, but good luck being more persuasive than this.  I would vote for the BTK killer if this girl told me too.

NICK NOLTE BURNED HIS HOUSE DOWN – actually this doesn’t say he burned his house down, but c’mon, its Nick Nolte.  We're all adults here.  Can we all just act like adults.  He did that shit.  

CHARLIZE THERON LOST A CASE – Charlize Theron lost a judgment to the watch company Raymond Weil, who paid her to wear their watches and their watches only.  Charlize apparently did not do that, and now Weil is asking for 20 million dollars.  In a related story, Raymond Weil just makes up numbers.  Always a good sign for a watchmaker.

– as Defamer correctly points out, doesn’t this poster look like a flame is kicking up to the left of DJ AM?  The might as well say, “He’s really been on fire lately…”


By brendon September 24, 2008 @ 8:15 AM

I'M VOTING FOR MCCAIN – I'm sure Obama is a smart man, but … the tits.  They’re very big.  I must do what they say.

NICOLE KIDMAN IS AN IDIOT – Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman said swimming in Australian Outback waterfalls may promote fertility and might have contributed to her unexpected pregnancy over the past year.  I heard semen also works, but I don’t have an Oscar so just ignore me.  Nicole is probably right.  The water is probably enchanted by magic fairies, and that’s how she got pregnant.

BRAD PITT FILMS A JAPANESE COMMERCIAL – Why did they dress him like this?  And do that mustache?  If the Japanese ever do something that isn’t completely batshit crazy, feel free to let me know about it.  I'm surprised they didn’t chase him with some kind of penis octopus monster.

PETA IS FUCKING CRAZY – PETA wants Ben and Jerrys to use human milk in their ice cream.  They got the idea after a restaurant in Switzerland announced it would use 75 percent breast milk in its food.  PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies.   In a related story, WTF?

BUY BRITNEY’S HOUSE – Britney Spears's six-bedroom, six-bathroom Studio City home is on sale for $7.9 million, according to Splash News.  You have to take our word for it that this is her house, since she’s not standing on the roof.  People in Montana must laugh their ass off when they see people in LA paying 8 million for a house crammed onto half an acre.


By brendon September 10, 2008 @ 3:19 PM

BEST. ASS. EVER. – this chick might be the devil.  That was sent here to ruin mankind. Guys start wars over asses like this.

ANNE HATHAWAYS EX GETS 5 YEARS IN – Raffaello Follieri will serve five years in prison for taking $6,000,000 while pretending to represent the Vatican.  So, wait, was a hoax?  Aww god damit.

"ENTOURAGE" PREMIER DIES – bringing in only a 1.0 rating, “Entourage” slipped 29% from last June’s premiere, a low not seen since July 2005. A poll of experts who are me think it may because that show sucks.  It's what nerds with no friends think cool people with friends act like.  You ever see a McDonalds commercials with black people?  Black people don't act like that, but the white people who made the commercial think black people act like that.  Entourage is exactly like that, but 100 times longer and with fewer jokes.

SPIKE WON'T GET AN OSCAR BECAUSE HE LIKES THE KNICKS – "They (Oscar voters and Academy bosses) take everything into account with me. They take into account that I like the Knicks or that I'm in New York. If you did a survey, the bulk of the people who vote in the Academy are in Los Angeles. There's definite bias, considering that my films are typically New York-based."  I knew it.  I knew it had to be something like this.  This is why they never nominate Scorsese or Woody Allen either.  Wait…

HER LITTL'INS IS DOIN' GOOD – Lynne Spears says that even knowing what she knows now, she would still let her daughters Britney and Jamie Lynn pursue stardom.  "I think you have to let them follow their dreams. I think it would be worse in the end if you didn't."  Worse than kicked off her tv show because she got pregnant at 16?  Worse than divorced and her kids taken away and in rehab three times by 25?  Define "worse".


By brendon August 25, 2008 @ 1:04 PM

KATE GROOMBRIDGE IS NAKED – that POA in the picture above is Kate Groombridge, a famous UK model.  I wish I were kidding when I say that this picture is like 10 years old, and it has more sentimental value to me than my parents.  Point being, she’s naked in some new movie, and JoBlo has the clips.  Not that anyone would care about something like that.

MADONNA COMPARES JOHN MCCAIN TO HITLER – this may give Obama the edge, because I bet most of the stoned gay transsexuals that make up Madonna’s audience were leaning toward McCain.  

– remember when a source compared Kim Kardashians cut foot to a murder scene.  Oh hey guess what.

JAPANESE GOBLIN SHARK – any one of those things by itself is scary.  Put them together and you’ll shit yourself.


By brendon August 21, 2008 @ 6:19 AM

Watch this video, and if you think you're surprised they all have the same birthday, check out the dude in the brown shirt.  He's about to have a heart attack.  


By brendon August 19, 2008 @ 7:49 AM

Katherine Heigl is a mess – Go Fug Yourself has some thoughts on Katherine Heigl wearing tiny sandals, a skintight skirt, and a cheap-looking shiny satin top.  Try and guess if they’re good.  (picture source = splash news)

Michael Phelps will be very rich very soon – his agent says the swimmer could make 100 million dollars by getting the warhead and holding the world hostage in endorsements.

Kelly Brook in a bikini – This link will lead to pictures of Kelly Brook in a bikini, as implied by the title.  

Nothing can stop a Werewolf – If you’re being chased by the Wheelchair Werewolf, say your prayers.  Or step up on a curb.

Watchmen might be in trouble – Warner Bros. is scheduled to release the highly anticipated "Watchmen" on March 6, but a federal judge in LA has decided he will hear a lawsuit filed by 20th Century Fox against Warners over rights to the comic.  This could lead to delays, mostly because nerds will fill the gutters of earth after killing themselves in the streets.