Lea Michele’s Dead Boyfriend Would’ve Loved Her Current Boyfriend

By Lex January 06, 2016 @ 10:02 AM


You may recall two years ago when Dead Cory Monteith checked into a Canadian hotel which is both a literal account of his overdose death and now a handy euphemism. Lea Michele turned his passing into a series of weeping magazine pictorials, a pop dance album, and a small theme park in her backyard where she charged fans ten bucks to see her make out with a wax replica of her dead boyfriend. Everybody grieves differently.

Michele is convinced that Dead Cory Monteith would love her current boyfriend because Matthew Paetz is a good looking former male escort and bones her like an elderly woman who still has needs. You know how former boyfriends adore new boyfriends, especially from beyond the grave. Michele understands the backlash from her fans on getting back in the saddle, but she wishes they would consider this nonsense instead:

I don’t think anyone is really projecting hate, it is positive, it’s nothing so, so terrible but at the end of the day, we have to remember that what we put out there, it manifests and it creates energy and you should want to be the person that chooses to take that second to do something positive

Imagine that shit in a high pitched whine for two years and see if you’re not looking up hotel rooms in Vancouver on Expedia. Yes, I am dating Lea Michele. Give me a couple hours before you clean my room. Here’s a hundred for a tip. No, no particular reason.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Grammys Misspell Dead Cory Monteith’s Name

By Lex January 27, 2014 @ 2:08 PM

Cory Monteith's Name Is Misspelled In Grammy Tribute
The Grammys effort to ride the long coattails of Dead Cory Monteith took a monumental fail last night when they fucked up the spelling of his name in their In Memorium tribute to musical artists keen enough to die before having to attend another Grammy awards. While most in the audience didn’t notice the misspell, you can bet Glee fans with hands to short to masturbate took exception.

I think Julie means like a needle in the arm, but I get the point. If you’re going to score points off a dead guy’s name, at least spell it right. My own spelling is borderline retarded. But if I had a job carving tombstones, I’d probably Google the tougher names to make sure I was chiseling correctly. R.I.P. Corey. You’re a Teen Choice Award winner, you deserve better.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Lea Michele Sings to Dead Cory Monteith, Then Moves On

By Lex October 11, 2013 @ 3:14 PM

Cry, bitches, cry!

Now that Emmy tribute and on-air Glee tribute to Dead Cory Monteith has passed, Lea Michele is ready to move on to verbally harry to death her next male victim. According to some anonymous annoying chick who tattles to gossip magazines for fun, Lea Michele was recently at a Hollywood party excited about a ‘cute boy’ who was supposed to show up at the event. Whore!  Some people will say Lea is moving on to quickly from the death of the supposed love of her life. Other people soon will be banging Lea Michele and probably be far less critical. Life moves on. Only Yoko Ono could turn a dead celebrity husband into a lifelong career.

Dead Cory Monteith Still Dead According to Final Coroner’s Report

By Lex October 02, 2013 @ 7:00 PM

‘Twas champagne and heroin that felled the beast. That according to the final coroner’s report which says a couple bottles of bubbly and a spoon tainted with heroin were dead giveaways on how Cory Monteith got his Emmy tribute.

When responders arrived to the scene, they discovered a “spoon with drug residue and a used hypodermic needle.” They also found 2 empty champagne bottles and glasses.

The champagne seems a bit melodramatic, but nobody goes out like Hendrix or Joplin anymore. The coroner noted that Cory’s drug tolerance was likely lower since he’d been clean since going through rehab a few months early. Something to think about before you whine into a guy’s ear and push him into rehab. You might be stifling his tolerance, no names, Lea Michele.

Should the Emmy’s Honor Dead Cory Monteith?

By Lex September 18, 2013 @ 1:33 PM

Turns out, Cory Monteith is still dead from his heroin overdose in a Canadian hotel room back in July. With the Emmy Awards desperate for anyone under the age of in-home-nursing-care to watch their show, they decided to add Cory Monteith to the special dead actor tributes along with James Gandolfini and Jean Stapleton and Larry Hagman and a couple other actors whose careers are a bit more ample than Cory’s. Somebody at Daily Variety said maybe Cory didn’t deserve such a special tribute since his TV career basically consisted of co-starring on Glee for a few years. Now every Glee fan in the world wants to kill the writer to the backdrop of a Tears for Fears song. I won’t watch Glee, but I’d watch that.

Does Dead Cory Monteith Deserve a Special Emmy Tribute?

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It’s The Final Trailer For Cory Monteith’s New Movie (VIDEO)

By Travis August 15, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

We probably wouldn’t even be talking about this new and final trailer for McCanick if Cory Monteith wasn’t in the film and didn’t die from his drug use recently, but here we are yapping about it and speculating about whether or not this would have been his big breakout role. And I think it would, because that’s the popular opinion, even though there’s no way of ever knowing if it would be true or not. Also, since we’re dabbling in hindsight, this movie should be about a guy who fixes cars, because otherwise the title is kind of dumb.